Thoughts and Musings..

The Bachelor: Ben Flajnik, Episode 4

2012-01-23T13:35:00.013-05:00

The gang heads to Park City, Utah for the next round of dates. The ladies are staying at the Canyons resort. Chris Harrison hands out the first date card. It goes to Rachel. Kacie B. is suffering from a major case of "Awesome First Date Syndrome." Anyone who has the first 1-1 date suffers from major anxiety and insecurities if the date goes really well (see also: Ashley Hebert, Brad Womack pt.2 & Ali Fedotowsky, Jake Pavelka).

Date: 1-1
Bacherlorette: Rachel
Highlights: Ben picks Rachel up in a helicopter. They get dropped off by a lake and hop into the next mode of transportation, a canoe. After some canoe chit chat and a quick make-out session, they have a picnic. And a lot of awkward small talk/awkward silences. Oh look, a beaver dam! Next up is dinner in the woods. I think I saw these exact woods in Once Upon a Time, which airs on Sunday nights, also on ABC (and no, I didn't get paid to plug that show...I just love it). Ben says this is the first 1-1 date where he's been confused. He notes that Rachel says that she's interested, but her actions don't reflect that. Rachel reveals that she has trouble communication and opening up with people. She must have opened up enough because Ben gives Rachel the date rose. Now they enjoy smores. Yay smores!
Status: Rose

Date: Group
Bachelorettes: Jamie, Casey S., Blakely, Lindzi, Samantha, Kacie B., Courtney, Nicki
Highlights: Ok, even I admit that it's kind of hot to see Ben ride the horse. I love horseback riding. Lindzi loves a man in the saddle. Um, who doesn't? Kacie B. continues to lament about not having Ben to herself. Snap out of it sister friend! Courtney says that it's easier to catch a man than it is to catch a fish. She would know. She's also determined to make the group date into a 1-1 for herself, which in words will "be awesome." Lindzi is all "oh no you didn't" and decides to squeeze herself into their space. And then...Courtney catches a fish. She would. After Ben and the girls wash the smell of fish off them, they have an after party. We see Casey S. for about 2.5 seconds. Nicki and Ben both lost loved ones a couple of days before the show started filming. Samantha wants a 1-1 date because all she's been on are group dates and doesn't know what that means. Is she drunk? Ben says he doesn't think Samantha takes this seriously and decides to send Samantha home. This pleases Courtney. I'm beginning to think she feeds off of sorrow and tears. Courtney tells Ben she's having a rough time. I call BS. Ben, of course, falls for it and gives her the date rose. Oh, and I've had enough of her saying "winning." Seriously, it wasn't even cute or funny the first time Charlie Sheen said it.
Status: Courtney gets the date rose

Date: 1-1
Bachelorette: Jennifer
Highlights: Do you think that red is Jennifer's natural hair color? Ben makes Jennifer trespass onto private property. Before them stands a rusty cage covering a crater. Ben informs Jennifer that they are going to go into the crater. Um, is that safe? Why are there no safety professionals assisting them? So now that they've detached themselves from the ropes, how do they get back up the crater...to the outside world? Somehow they get out of the crater and make it to dinner. It rains, they go inside, Jennifer gets the date rose. Ben takes Jennifer to a Clay Walker concert. Confession time: I used to be kind of in love with Clay Walker, circa 1993. I had his poster on my wall and everything, granted I was 8 at the time, but still.
Status: Rose

No dates this week: Elyse, Emily, Monica

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party
Emily decides to say something to Ben about Courtney without saying Courtney's name. Ben tells Emily that she will be her own demise if she focuses on Courtney and doesn't focus on what she and Ben have. Casey S. thinks Courtney is one of the most genuine people. Casey, that makes you guilty by association. Casey runs and tells Courtney everything Emily said about her. Courtney thinks that Emily "sweats her." Um, 2001 called, it wants it's stupid catch phrase back. Courtney and Emily finally blow up at each other. I would love to see Ben's reaction as he watches stuff that Courtney does each week. I wonder what he thinks about it.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Rachel, Courtney, Jennifer, Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B., Elyse, Blakely, Casey S., Emily
Sent Home: Samantha (eliminated on the group date), Monica

Next week...
We're off to Puerto Rico. Emily and Courtney continue to hate each other. Courtney and Ben skinny-dip. COurtney cackles. Same ol', same ol'.

And now for a segment I like to call, "The Many Mouths of Courtney...did you know she's a model?" I figured out what bothers me so much about Courtney, aside from the obvious. It's her mouth and how half of the time she appears to have no upper lip. I don't know why she contorts her mouth the way she does, but it's kind of annoying. I mean, does she have horrendously bad breath or a snaggle-tooth she's trying to hide? Courtney, stop. It's distracting.

I rest my case.

The Bachelor: Ben Flajnik, Episode 3

2012-01-16T11:47:00.014-05:00

Death Becomes Her, Part 2

The harem takes on San Francisco this week, which is where Ben currently resides. Ben meets up with his sister, Julia. She kind of looks like a lost Kardashian sister, only she's not crazy. Ben tells his sister about the girls. He thinks that his sister and Courntey would hit it off because Courtney is drama-free. HA, so he thinks. Wait til he watches the show.

The first 1-1 date goes to Emily. Courtney, of course, has to chime in with her thoughts. She thinks that Ben's date with Emily will be boring. You know, because girls that are book-smart couldn't possibly be fun. I'm still waiting for Courntey's personality to simmer down, it's so over-powering. #SarcasticSentence.

Date: 1-1
Bachelorette: Emily
Location: San Francisco, CA
Highlights: Ben lets Emily know that they will be climbing to the top of the Bay Bridge. It's a perfect date because both Ben and Emily are scared of heights. Not gonna lie, I would poop myself, and I'm okay with heights.
Back at the house, there is a conviently placed telescope that gives the ladies a view of the date. That doesn't sound like a set up at all. #SarcasticSentence Halfway up the bridge, Emily stops. Ben kisses Emily to calm her down. Those kisses better be laced with alcohol. My question is, now that they've made it to the top of the bridge, how do they get down? Yes, I know, the same way they went up, but you know it's not that easy. I would sit and butt-scoot down. No, I'm not kidding. At dinner, Emily tells the story about being matched with her brother on a dating site. I feel like I've heard this before. Oh wait, I have, at least twice this season and we're only on episode 3. Ben says that his father loved his mother because she was smarter than he was. Ben thinks that Emily is probably smarter than him. Uh, probably. Hear that Courtney? Booksmart is awesome. Now let there be fireworks!
Status: Rose

Date: Group
Bachelorettes: Blakely, Jaclyn, Kacie B., Erika, Samantha, Jamie, Monica, Rachel, Nicki, Elyse, Casey S.
Location: San Francisco, CA
Highlights: Ben tells the ladies that they are going skiing. Someone cue that confused sound Tim Taylor used to make. How do you ski in a place where it's warm and there is no snow? Well, you close down a hilly street and make your own snow, of course! I love all the random people watching. Props to Kacie B. skiing backwards, although not on purpose.
Back at the house, the last 1-1 date card arrives. The girls think it will go to Lindzi, who didn't get a date in Sonoma. It instead goes to Brittany, who isn't that excited about it.
I know that when I think of skiing, I think of lei's and tiki torches, which is exactly the kind of after-party we're having. Kacie B. starts to have her freak outs while watching Ben interact with the other girls.
Back at the house, Brittany is still feeling torn about going on a 1-1 with Ben. She decides that her heart is not in the experience, so she makes the decision to go home. Now she has to tell Ben.
Blakely has an infinite supply of feathered earrings.
Brittany tells Ben that she's leaving. Ben is surprised. He tells the girls that Brittany eliminated herself and hands out the date rose to Rachel.
Status: Rachel gets the date rose.

Date: 1-1
Bachelorette: Lindzi
Location: San Francisco, CA
Highlights: I feel kind of bad for Lindzi that she got this date by default. Nevertheless, Ben picks her up for their date. Lindzi must mean business because she's wearing her pearls. They start by taking a ride on a trolley care. They get ice cream and head into Chinatown, among other sites. They end their tour at City Hall. Suddenly Matt Nathanson appears to serenade them. Lindzi reminds me of Tenley, from Jake Pavelka's season. AFter dancing, they go to a place where you need a password to get in. Fancy. Ben gives Lindzi the date rose. To cap off the date, Ben teaches Lindzi some simple notes on the piano and plays his own ditty for her. Wait, that's not his own ditty, it's the song from the first episode. I want my money back.
Before the commercial break, we get to see a glimpse of a woman calling Chris Harrison to let him know that she's on her way to San Francisco and can't wait to see Ben. Who could it be? The suspense is killing me.
Status: Rose

No dates this week: Courtney, Jennifer

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party aka The Return of Shawntel N.
I love that the girls toast to a drama-free evening. HA, little do they know the shiz that's about to go down.
Ben tells Jennifer that she is hands-down the best kisser in the house. I think I saw some tongue action from Benny Boy. At least he's open-mouth kissing this time around.
Mystery woman tells us that they only reason she's being a party crasher is because Ben in the Bachelor. Mystery woman #1 is Shawntel N., the mortician from Brad Womack's second season. She's coming back to try to date Ben.
Courtney continues to offer up her unwanted opinions on other girls. She thinks that Nicki is immature, Lindzi makes faces at people, and Blakely is the type of girl that your bf cheats on you with. I'm still waiting for her to say she's not there to make friends. There's always one.
None of the other girls like Courtney. Shocker. Emily thinks Courtney has an undiagnosed disorder, and she would know. Casey S. just thinks that Courtney is misunderstood. No, I think she's understood very well.
Shawntel enters the party. All the other girls quickly take notice of her. Ben pretty much poops his pants when he sees Shawntel. I can't figure out why none of these girls know who she is. Ben wants to know why Shawntel is here. Shawntel says that she wants to know if something is there between them because they've spoken before and she feels like they have some unresolved feelings. She hopes Ben will give her a rose and keep her around. Ben tells the camera that Shawntel is exactly the kind of woman he would date, but he needs some time to think about it.
Remember that shiz that's hitting the fan? The ladies are not happy and immediately go on the offensive. Actually, a lot of stuff Rachel, Elyse, Erika, and Jaclyn are saying are pretty nasty. Talk about real-life mean girls. I get the territorial thing, but jeez.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Emily, Rachel, Lindzi, Courtney, Kacie B., Elyse, Jamie, Jennifer, Casey S., Blakely, Monica, Nicki, Samantha...and then Erika faints. Ben decides not to give out the last rose. I think he's an idiot.
Sent Home: Brittany (eliminated herself), Erika, Jaclyn, Shawntel

Now you see why I titled this blog, Death Becomes Her Part 2. Erika fainted and Shawntel took Brad Womack to her family's funeral home and proceeded to have him lie on a guerney while showing him how to emblam a body. My hometown date blog during that season was titled Death Becomes Her. Not ironically, Shawntel was sent home during that episode, much like this one. Seriously, the joke writes itself. But I do feel bad for her. These Bachelor 16 girls aren't going to be making many friends from past seasons after this episode, that's for sure.

Next week...
Next up is Park City, Utah. Looks like Jennifer and Rachel get 1-1 dates. Courtney continues to be her lovely self while breaking down Emily.

The Bachelor: Ben Flajnik, Episode 2

2012-01-09T13:39:00.014-05:00

Ben uproots the women to his hometown of Sonoma, California to begin the dates. They are driven in fancy vintage convertibles to their new digs.

Ben hands out the first date card. It goes to Kacie B. Courtney thinks that Kacie is annoying and hopes that she gets sent home. Well Courtney, I think your eyebrows are annoying, so there.

Date: 1-1
Bachelorette: Kacie B.
Location: Sonoma, CA (Downtown Sonoma)
Highlights: Ben picks Kacie up in a huge, red jeep. He wants to show Kacie what Sonoma is all about by taking her on a lil stroll through town. I'm trying to figure out why Kacie has on brown boots with an all black outfit. Or is it navy? If it's navy, the boots are ok. I know it's ok to mix black and brown, but I'm personally not a fan of it. As they look around in various stores, Kacie gets a baton and lets Ben know that she used to twirl a mean baton. She then shows Ben some moves.
Ben, "I don't think a lot of guys would walk down the street and twirl a baton with a woman."
Me, "Uh, nope. But twirl on Benny boy. You twirl that baton." He does and I worry when he catches onto it pretty quickly.
Next up is dinner where Kacie and Ben exhibit an easy, natural chemistry. Ben decides to give Kacie the date rose. Ben then takes her to a movie theatre where home movies of each play. Kacie had some curly hair as a little girl. Ben looks just like his dad. It was all kinds of sad watching Ben watch videos of his dad.
Status: Rose

Date: Group
Bachelorettes: Brittany, Rachel, Jennifer, Blakely, Emily, Jenna, Shawn, Monica, Samantha, Jamie, Nicki, Jaclyn
Location: Sonoma, CA (Sonoma Square & Community Theatre)
Highlights: Blakely and her boobs think that she is getting the date rose. Ben informs that ladies that they will be performing in a play written by none other than 7-year-old "playwrights." I hope Blakely is re-thinking her outfit choice. The kids ask each woman to act out certain characters. Then the kids start asking for sexy dances. What? These kids are pretty much still in elementary school! They shouldn't even know what the word sexy means! Of course they ask Blakely to slow jog. And of course the pre-pubescent boy would like it. But seriously, his straight-faced "I liked it" was hilarious. Ben hands out costumes to the ladies. They all look like a character straight out of Shrek. They will all be performing in front of a full audience, which includes some of Ben's friends. Oh my goodness...Prince Pinot? After the play, Ben and the ladies have an after party. Emily and Rachel get the kiss they missed out on during the play. Blakely still thinks she's going to get the date rose. Samantha get mad, calls Blakely a cougar, and retreats to the bathroom of solice. I didn't even notice that Ben and Jennifer's kisses were echoing until Ben pointed it out. Now it's all I can hear. Blakely, who is Scorpio, still thinks she's getting the date rose. Well I'll be damned, she did get the date rose. All the other girls are not too happy about it either.
Status: Blakely gets the date rose.

Back at the house...Courtney talks about her dislike of Lindzi. You know what I dislike? How much Courtney dislikes everyone but herself. Another date card arrives. Courtney wants the date because she's competitive and always wins. The last 1-1 date goes to Courtney, shocking. Courtney asks Kacie how telling her she got the last date tasted coming out of her mouth. She also announces that she and Ben will probably make out while cackling annoyingly. She does realize people will see this stuff right? Something tells me that Courtney isn't going to have very many fans rooting for her. Just a hunch...

Date: 1-1
Bachelorette: Courtney
Location: Sonoma, CA (Redwood forest & Vineyard)
Highlights: Ben picks up Courtney in the same red jeep. He has decided to bring his fur-kid, Scotch, along for the date. He wants to see if the connection he has with Courtney is more than skin-deep. Ben takes Courtney to a Redwood forest for a picnic. Ben gets Scotch to howl. OMG, cutest thing ever. As Courtney is talking, Scotch starts whining because he's cold. Ben covers him up with a towel. Like I said, cutest thing ever. Ben takes Courtney to dinner in a vineyard, under a tree. I want to have dinner in a vineyard under a tree! I'm adding that to my bucket list. Ben wants to know about Courtney's dating history. FYI, she use to date Jesse Metcalf, of Desperate Housewives and Passions fame. She says that she has trust issues. Ben wants Courtney to trust him, so he gives her the date rose. Then she tells that camera that all the other girls better watch out, while again cackling annoyingly and rubbing the rose all over her face. Oye.
Status: Rose

No date this week: Lindzi, Casey S., Elyse, Erika

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party
Ben pulls Lindzi aside first. He lets her know that she didn't get a date because of the strong impression she made on the first night. Side note, I really like her dress.
Erika asks Blakely how it felt to get the group date rose when there were so many girls there. Blakely then interrupts Samantha's time with Ben, which we all no is a Bachelor no-no. When you already have a rose from a date, you don't take time away from other people. And then she tries to steal Ben away for a second time. The nerve!
Jenna gets her time with Ben, by first putting a blanket on top of a candle. Good going. She then rambles about something that makes no sense before being interrupted by Jaclyn. Thus begins Jenna's downward spiral. She then crawls into a bed while in the midst of tears.
The rest of the girls continue to talk about Blakely. Blakely catches wind of it and goes and cries in the luggage corner.
Ben isn't stupid and knows that something is up.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Kacie B., Blakely, Courtney, Jennifer, Emily, Elyse, Jaclyn, Erika, Rachel, Lindzi, Nicki, Casey S., Samantha, Monica, Jamie, Brittany
Sent Home: Jenna, Shawn

Jenna Has a Meltdown.

Next week...
It's onto San Francisco. Brittany removes herself from the competition? A mystery woman makes an appearance that annoys all the women. Erika faints at the Rose Ceremony!

The Bachelor: Ben Flajnik, Episode 1

2012-01-02T22:01:00.003-05:00

Save a Bachelor, ride a horse?

I'm all for cougars, but this is ridiculous.

Remember when Ben F. made it all the way to the final rose ceremony to propose to Ashley Hebert only to have her reject him in favor of JP? Remember when she tried to tell him how great he is and he shot her down and all but told her to shut her mouth? Remember how he was so pissed that you wished he would have chucked the Neil Lane engagement ring in the ocean? Oh, was that only me? Well, I still think it would have been awesome.

Anywho, Ben F. has dropped the last name initial and is our new Bachelor! Now he gets his own brood of crazies to pick a short-term fiancee, er wife, from. I hope his Greek brother from another mother, Constantine, makes an appearance this season. #truebrolove

I like that Ben isn't the typical "beefcake hunk" Bachelor. He's got longer hair, he's not overly muscular, and he's kind of nerdy. Oh, did I mention he also drive tractors and plays piano? #hot Not to mention he co-owns a winery. Sign me up. What's that? He's probably engaged you say? Michael Stagliano is still single right? He's also what we would call a Renaissance Man. I do love me some Stag. But I digress...

Now let's get an in-depth look at some of the ladies competing for Ben's heart.
-Lindzi likes horses. She also got broken up with through a text message that read, "Babe, welcome to dumpsville...Population: You." Wow, really? Who does that? What a douche.
-Amber T. is straight up country. She shoots skeet, practices shooting deer with arrows, and eats cow balls. Basically, she's too much woman for Ben.
-Kacie is an administrative assistant who was glad when Ashley dumped Ben because he is the kind of man she wants to date.
-Jamie is a nurse who had to raise her younger siblings. Such a sad story; I feel bad for her but you know she's a strong person because of it.
-Lyndsie is a Brit who's dad is a diplomat. She's been to lots of countries and can speak several languages. That or she's schizophrenic. She has an unfortunate case of butt-chin dimple.
-Nicki is the lone divorcee this season. However, she is totally ready to get married again and her mom is excited to visit her in California. Um, yep.
-Courtney is a model. She's used to competing with other women. My guess is that she'll be the first one to say she's not there to make friends.
-Jenna is a blogger with unfortunate roots. Oh, that's an "ombre" hairstyle you say? Um nope, still looks like out-grown roots to me. She overanalyzes her relationships and based on the previews, she goes crazy in the first episode. How exciting.

Don't mind me and my snappy judgements...
-Rachel: Her middle name is Rose.
-Erika: Law student. Ben is guilty of being sexy. See what she did there? Law humor. Ha ha. Not.
-Amber B.: Her last name is bacon. Her friends call her the Baconator. The whole conversation revolved around bacon. Too.Much.Bacon.
-Elyse: She's going to make Ben sweat. I bet.
-Jenna: I'm going to call her Jenna Ombre. Their conversation was awkward. She walks into the mansion saying she messed up. Let the overanalyzing begin.
-Courtney: She's a hair girl. Um, okay, that's one I've never heard before. I do like her shoes though.
-Emily: She's getting her PhD. She sanitizes Ben and shoots some mouthwash before kissing him. Germaphobe much? Well, I guess she does study disease transmission. I'd probably be a bit of a germaphobe too.
-Samantha: Wears her beauty queen sash. But there's totally more too her. If you say so.
-Casey S.: I don't remember anything about her interaction with Ben.
-Amber T.: Starts to go inside, walks around back to Ben and tells him that in case he doesn't believe in love at first sight, here is his second chance. Clever.
-Holly: Is she going to the Kentucky Derby with that hat?
-Jamie: Ben is loving the brunettes. Damn straight Benny boy. Brunette is where it's at.
-Shira: Knows everything about wine. J/K she just likes to drink wine. So funny. Not.
-Blakeley: Umm... My mom told me if I don't have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all.
-Sheryl/Brittney: Granny is here to introduce her granddaughter, Brittney, to Ben. Everyone's a sucker for a cute Granny.
-Nicki: Calls Ben precious.
-Dianna: Loses her train of thought. Bursts into nervous giggles.
-Jennifer: Rattles off a bunch of numbers that has to do with things about her. I don't like math so I tuned out.
-Lyndsie: Writes poems. I can't stop staring at her butt chin dimple.
-Anna: Walks right pass Ben and into the mansion all while giving him a coy smile. You think she was playing hard to get and mysterious? Lame.
-Monica: Misses her dog.
-Jaclyn: I've got nothing.
-Shawn: Wants to ride a unicycle with Ben. Not sure how that's going to work. Slugs Ben on the arm. How charming.
-Kacie: I love her dress.
-Lindzi: Forgoes the limo and opts to ride a horse up to meet Ben. Ben thinks they've saved the best for last.

Inside the mansion, the girls all gush about how cute/sexy, ect. Ben is. Granny wishes she was 30 years younger. Wait, why is Granny still there?

Now the one-on-one times start.

Rachel left her job to do the show. Smart move.

Lindzi once used store-bought grapes to make wine. It didn't work so well. She's one of my favorites so far.

Granny takes over the time with Ben. Poor Brittney is doomed. Granny starts to cry in the limo talking about her granddaughter. I can't take it. My heart is melting.

Chris Harrison brings the mood down a couple notches when he introduces the First Impression Rose.

Shawn Soccer takes Ben outside to pass a ball around because Samantha Sash and Holly Hat are too much competition for her. Hey, her nicknames, not mine.

Dianna blindfolds Ben and feeds him candy. Emily raps about infectious diseases. They are practically writing my blog for me. This is too easy.

Courtney is a model, in case you didn't hear her the first time. Did you also know that she likes Ben's hair? She is not one of my favorites so far.

Monica isn't feeling it with Ben. This freaks Jenna Ombre out. Monica may or may not be into Blakeley. Jenna Ombre now goes into hyperventilation mode. Rachel tries to mediate the Monica/Jenna situation. I think they're both a little cray cray.

Ben hands out the First Impression Rose. It goes to Lindzi.

At this point, Jenna Ombre is still wallowing in her sorrow in the bathroom. My mom calls me and says, "Okay, seriously? Is that chick on drugs? What the hell."

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Lindzi (FIR), Jamie, Rachel, Blakeley, Emily, Kacie, Casey, Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki, Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, Monica, Jenna
Sent Home: Amber B., Amber T., Anna, Dianna, Holly, Lyndsie, Shira

After episode one, my favorites are Lindzi, Jamie, Emily, and Nicki. Who are some of your favorites?

Judging by the previews, this season is going to be crazy. But isn't it always?

Christmas Q&A

2011-12-15T11:36:00.005-05:00

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?
Hot chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?
When I was little, Santa's presents were unwrapped, now everything is wrapped. Because I'm old.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Depends on the house and where it is. I don't have a preference.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Decorations go up within a day or two of Thanksgiving ending and come down around New Years.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
Who doesn't love a good Christmas ham?

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
My favorite memories always include those that involve my family getting together. We always have a good time.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I honestly don't remember the age I was. It's was kind of like one year I believed, the next I didn't. I don't remember being upset or anything.Maybe, secretly, all kind kind of know.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Not always.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Since I live in an apartment, I have a cute 4-foot all white tree that already has white lights built into in. I have Gone With the Wind and vintage Barbie ornaments that I put on my tree.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Considering the fact that while I was being born, there was a blizzard, I love snow. I much prefer Fall and Winter over the other seasons.

12. Can you ice skate?
I've never been ice skating. Would love to go someday!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
The year I got my first iPod was pretty cool.

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Spending time with family.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Cookies in general..

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Playing card games and board games with my family after we eat and open presents.

17. What tops your tree?
A pink bow...that I'm pretty sure came off of a Victoria's Secret box. Classy, I know.

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving?
I think both are nice, who doesn't?

19. Candy canes: yuck or yum?
Yum! I love sticking a little piece of one in my hot chocolate.

20. Favorite Christmas show? Show? Movie?
Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life

21. Saddest Christmas song?
River by Joni Mitchell....seriously, just depressing.

22. What is your favorite Christmas song?
White Christmas...the Bing Crosby version

I hope everyone has a very happy and safe holiday season!

Bachelor Pad Episode 3-Finale: Final Thoughts

2011-09-20T11:54:00.003-04:00

Aaaand I'm back! What did I miss? Oh, the whole season of Bachelor Pad? Whoops.

I did watch the whole season, but to be honest, I just wasn't feeling blogging it all. However, here are my final thoughts on the season.

1. Why/how did Kasey and Vienna last until the finale? It's easy logic to say that they wouldn't win so why not bring them to the finals, however I don't see how everyone could stand to be around them. I can't wait to be in a healthy relationship like them someday.

2. Jake/Vienna - Okay, I still think Vienna is a drama queen and Jake is a little douchey, but I'm not as Team Vienna as I was during their breakup. And by Team Vienna, I mean it was a 51/49 split. I think they both have major issues they need to work on as human beings and neither will be happy or successful in a relationship until those things are fixed. You can thank me for the therapy later.

3. The final performance of Cirque de Solei's "Ca". Oh boys, please burn those spandex uni-tards immediately. Oh, who didn't go all "awww" when Roberto carried his injured love Ali down the stairs to her judges seat? Also, who didn't love the bewildered looks on Jason Mesnick's face during the performances? Only thing that would have made it better would have been if he'd pulled a Mesnick railing cry on himself.

4. Ella's plastic surgery. Someone had a new face/body when she was on the finale. Haters saying how could she whine about needing money when she got all this plastic surgery? Hey, haters, stop sippin' the juice. The surgeries were compliments (aka free publicity) from Erica Rose's dad who is a plastic surgeon in Texas. If someone wanted to give me some new body parts (or at least make the ones I have skinnier) for free, I'd be totally okay with that.

5. Jackie and Ames = Awkward.

6. As wacky as Erica may be, I would totally be friends with her.

7. I love Michelle and Graham as a couple.

8. Holly and Blake's engagement. Well I guess if they are happy and in love (for real) then good for them. However, the way the whole thing went down was in poor taste, in my opinion. I personally think Michael just had the wrong Holly to begin with, who's with me? :)

9. I am glad Michael Stag won, but if I were him, I would have totally have chosen "Keep" and not felt bad about it. However, he doesn't have a nasty bone in his body and I kinda do so there you go.

10. Ben F. is the new Bachelor! Only because things didn't work out with Jennifer Love Hewitt, but hey, who's surprised? I only wish I could go through that many boyfriends/fiances in my short lifetime. Well, maybe except for Jamie Kennedy.

I'll be around for Ben F.'s Bachelor run but probably won't due full recaps. I may just throw up a blog from time to time with my thoughts on the season. They will be random, of course, but hopefully also amusing to you!

Bachelor Pad 2: Episode 2

2011-08-17T11:05:00.003-04:00

OR: Chris Harrison lays the smack down.

This weeks challenge will be a bit hurtful...literally and emotionally. Each gender group will be blindfolded, in white swim wear of course, and the other will answer a series of questions. Paint-filled eggs will then be hurled at whomever the egg-thrower thinks best fits the question. The guy and girl with the most hits after three questions will each win a safety rose and get to go one 3-1 dates.

This challenge is not ego-deflating or degrading at all, right?

The guys are blind-folded first and have no idea which girl is answering each question. Although I'm pretty sure that Vienna and Jake both knew that every time they were pelted with an egg, it was the others doing. Let's give them a little credit.

Question 1: Who are you least attracted to?
Gia hits Kirk.
Melissa hits William.
Holly tries to hit Ames, but misses.
Ella misses and it's not clear who she was aiming for.
Vienna, who claims she used to play softball, tries to hit Jake but misses.
Michelle misses.
Erica hits Kasey.
Jackie throws a speed ball at Michael.

Question 2: Who do you think least deserves the $250K?
Jackie pelts Graham....I think Jackie used to play softball, not Vienna.
Melissa hits Ames.
Erica misses.
Gia hits Kasey but the egg doesn't break, so the point doesn't count.

Question 3: Who do you want to see go home this week?
Everyone hits Jake...except probably Gia, but we don't get to see her throw on this one. But really, is anyone shocked by this?

Melissa and Jackie have to have a tie-breaker. The question is: Who is the dumbest? Jackie aims for William but misses. Melissa pelts Graham. Really Melissa, out of all those guys I'm 100% positive that Graham is not the dumbest. Anywho, Melissa wins for the ladies.

Now the girls are blind-folded and it's the guys turn to thrown some Easter eggs.

Question 1: Who is the most likely to cheat on you in a relationship?
Jake hits Vienna...how shocking. He says that she cheated on him three times. However, in the People magazine article after their break-up, he said there was no infidelity in their relationship. Come on Jakey, get your facts straight.
Michael hits Erica.
Kasey, who claims to have played baseball, aims for Ella but misses. Again, out of all those girls I'm 100% positive that Ella would be one of the least likely to cheat.

Question 2: Who do you want to go home this week?
Erica gets the majority of the eggs on this one.
Ames misses.
Jake hits Vienna.

Question 3: Who are you least attracted to?
Poor Erica...I think she gets every egg on this one. Michael hits her with an 80mph speed ball, after which he cringes with America. I didn't know he had that in him. It's kind of hot. But I do feel bad for Erica. No one wants to be considered the ugly friend in the group.

Michael wins for the guys.

Michael takes Erica, Michelle and ex-fiancee Holly on his date. They go to the haunted Linda Vista mental hospital. Um, I would have totally rocked this date. I'm kind of nerdy and into the paranormal stuff and have been to a couple haunted locations for investigations a la Ghost Adventures. It's fun stuff. Michael, if you want to go again, call me.

But I digress...

On the date Erica and Michael try to communicate with the dead which ends in them hearing a noise and jumping into the nearest chair. Michelle talks to Michael about his unresolved feelings for Holly. Michael ends up giving Holly the safety rose so that they can have some alone time and talk. Which leads to one of the most real, albeit uncomfortable, conversations every witnessed in this franchise. Michael says he knew he wanted to marry Holly from the day he met her (aw!) but waited a year to propose. After that, he says, it was a slow decline. She broke it off and then a couple weeks later regretted that decision so they got back together. A couple months after that, Michael broke up with Holly. Neither of them know what really happened (although I'm sure I could come up with a few theories) but Michael still loves Holly and probably deep down hope for a reconciliation at some point. Holly feels like they were always bffs but Michael says that he wanted to marry her, not be bffs. The date ends with a lot of hugging and crying.

The next day, Melissa selects Kirk, Kasey and Blake for her date. They spend the day on a yacht. Melissa tries to form an alliance with Kasey and kinda sorta promises him the safety rose. She dares the guys to jump off the railing of the boat and compares herself to being the Bachelorette. Uh, no.

Blake, who is not attracted to Melissa at all, decides to whore himself out for the sake of winning $250K. Um, you might catch a disease...or a Stage 5 Clinger. Just sayin'. He makes out with Melissa, who then gives him the safety rose, much to Kasey's chagrin.

Back at the mansion, Vienna is going off in a tirade about Jake and how he wouldn't eat her cooking...or something. Jake, knowing he is on the chopping block this week, asks to speak with her. Vienna refuses to do so without Kasey.

Gia pulls Graham aside to talk to him about breaking up the power couples. Graham agrees that they do need broken up but then goes running to Kasey to tell him. Boys are just a fickle as girls...and this is proof.

Meanwhile, Holly and Blake continue their flirting while Melissa frantically searches the house for Blake. Holly is confused because she knows Michael wants to get back together with her but Blake is something new and shiny to play with. That's pretty much how each of her franchise hookups began I imagine. Melissa finds Blake and Holly laying on a bed together and decides to lay down next to him. Awkward. Holly leaves and Melissa lashes out. Like I said, Stage 5 Clinger.

As voting commences, Jake tries once again to speak with Vienna, this time with Kasey by her side. Knowing that he is probably going home, he asks if they can find it in their hearts to save him. Kasey asks if Jake thinks he deserves to be there. Jake says he plans on donating the whole $250K to charity if he wins. Vienna calls BS because she knows that he is more than $200K in debt. How does she know this? Haven't they been broken up for over a year? Anywho, they basically tell him that he's going home and then creepily make out like being bullies is a turn-on for them. Ella and Kirk make faces at each other the whole time this is happening.

Chris Harrison turns the tables on the contestants and tells them that two girls will be going home this week. No guys will be sent home. So this was done to draw out more Jake/Vienna drama for another week? Well played, ABC, well played. Vienna immediately begins lashing out about how she and Jake were forced to brak-up on tv and now they're being forced to be in the same house again.
Harrison: Who is forcing you to be here?
Vienna: Well, no one but I didn't know he was going to be here.
Harrison: But who is forcing you? No one is forcing you to be here. If you want to leave there's the exit and I can call you a cab.
Me: Oh snap.

Kasey then asks Vienna is she wants to leave, they can pack and leave. She decides to stay after her attempt to stage a coup fell through (she tried to get everyone to threaten to leave because the whole situation was apparently cheating in her eyes).

Now the scrambling as to who to vote out begins. Jackie, Ella and Gia are all on the chopping block. After Kasey confronts Gia about talking to Graham about voting out the power couples, Gia gets upset, confronts Graham and decides to leave. She doesn't want to give them the satisfaction of voting her out.

After everyone recovers from Gia's sudden departure, Ella makes an alliance with Kirk to save herself. Meanwhile, Kasey and Vienna have promised Jackie and Ames that they wouldn't vote Jackie out.

Jackie ends up getting the boot. And then, in a scene straight from a Nicholas Sparks novel, Ames chases after the limo taking Jackie away and leaves with her. It really was the sweetest thing...until you read that they've already broken up. Sads.

Next week only one guy will get voted off.

Bachelor Pad 2: Episode 1

2011-08-15T10:43:00.003-04:00

OR: Welcome to the Jake and Vienna show!

Sorry this blog post is up so late. Really, there wasn't a whole lot to blog about for the first episode because it mainly focused on Jake, Vienna and Kasey. I think from here on out, I'll just put up small re-caps instead of blogging the whole show.

Why we had to have a three hour premiere, I'll never know. The first 40 minutes were basically dedicated to giving some background on a couple of the contestants and then the next half hour or so was showing the contestants arriving at the mansion. Michelle and Jackie were not happy to see each other. Michael and Holly was kind of awkward. Vienna spent the whole night avoiding Gia and hoping Jake wasn't going to show up. Shocker! Jake is the last to arrive. So suspenseful.

Jake pulls Kasey aside to try to bury the hatchet and congratulate he and Vienna's happiness. Kasey nods politely but doesn't buy anything. He's going to take a Jake and wipe his Pavelka with it. Hey, Kasey said it, not me.

Ames and Jackie seem to be getting awfully comfortable.

Blake the dentist thinks Princess Erica is too "thick" for him, but old cougar Melissa will do just fine for a make-out session or four. He also has eyes for Holly's legs. Holly seems to take a liking to Blake as well. This is going to end badly for my sweet Michael.

The first competition is like Kama Sutra on steroids. The men and women partner up with the men being harnessed and suspended in the air while the women wrap themselves around the guys. Alli's ginormo-boobs are too heavy for Graham so he drops her. Holly would rather be drinking than spend that much time around her ex-fiance, so she drops as well. Gia, who is all of 80 pounds, is too much for funny man Will, who drops her like a sack of potatoes. The final three are Jake/Jackie, Kasey/Vienna and Rated-R/Ella. The latter drop out leaving the bitter exes to battle it out. Vienna gets confused which game show she is on and keeps telling Kasey they can't let Jake get immunity. Uh, last time I checked this wasn't Survivor. There are no immunity idols on The Pad. Kasey and Jake are both in danger of losing feet, which are turning a nice shade of purplish-blue. Kasey can't take it anymore and drops Vienna, meaning Jake/Jackie are the winners.

Both Jake and Jackie get roses, meaning they cannot be voted out this week. They also have a third rose to hand out, granting that person safety as well. Jake and Jackie go on a date to a theatre and have dinner on top of the marquee. Jackie presses Jake about Vienna, to which he happily tells all. Now here's my conundrum. I think Jake is definitely a fame-whore and a little bit douchy, but I have to wonder if what some of what he is saying is fact. That said, I also think Vienna makes things a bit more dramatic than they really are. So there's his side, her side and the truth.

Jackie decides it would be a good idea to give the other rose to Vienna, as a way to make amends. Worst idea ever.

Back at the mansion Alli and Rated-R play both alliances but act all shocked when they're found out.

Michael/Holly, Graham/Michelle, Kasey/Vienna, Kirk/Ella form a super-alliance and plan to control the game.

Jake gives the other safety rose to Vienna and asks to speak with her and Kasey in private. He tries to make amends but neither Kasey or Vienna is buying it. Jake thinks he is home-free.

As voting commences, Gia and Alli are on the chopping block. Kasey and Rated-R are in danger as well. Gia and Kasey call a truce this week and agree not to vote each other out.

Rated-R and Alli are voted off The Pad and sent home.

Next week...More of the Jake & Vienna show! Balloon toss with human targets! People cry! Shocking!

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Finale & Aftermath

2011-08-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

OR: What's the coupon policy on the final rose?

JP meets the in-laws
Ashley is excited for JP to meet her family. She thinks they will love him. Someone has clearly not been watching the previews. After 15 minutes of introductions and small-talk, Extreme Couponer Chrystie pulls Ashley and her mom aside to tell Ashley that JP is not the one for her. She thinks JP is too old and serious for Ashley and that she would be too much for him. Ok, so 38-year old King O' Serious Brad was okay, but 34-year old Prince O' Serious JP is not? Yep, makes sense. Chrystie doesn't feel that Ashley was being herself around JP. Ashley cries and Chrystie goes off to attack, er talk to, JP while Ashley vents to her step-dad and brother. Kat Von D, otherwise known as Ashley's extreme couponing sister, basically tells JP the same thing she told Ashley and says that there is nothing JP can do to change her mind. JP is shocked and is worried that Ashley's sister will influence her decision and change her feelings for him.

Ben meets the in-laws
Because of how JP's date went down, Ashley is nervous about how her family will receive Ben. She confronts her sister beforehand about her dealings with JP. Chrystie gives the term "bitter divorcee" a whole new meaning. Ben shows up and Ashley warns him that he may face some tough questions. Kat Von D, it turns out, loves her some Ben. She thinks he is the one for her sister. Of course she would. Ashley and Ben charm her family with their "dog-speak" voices. It's kind of funny but also kind of annoying.

Ben's last chance date
The next day, Ashley and Ben board a helicopter to tour the Fiji islands. Ben is sporting some hypercolor shorty-shorts (or "pulling a Swiderski" as my friend put it) and a Jason Mraz hat. He and Ashley make a stop at a healing bath and lube themselves up with mud. Ben calls it sexy and erotic while Ashley makes sure to put some "healing mud" in all the nooks and crannies. And yes, she really did lift her top to put mud on her boobs. I LOL'd. After the mud bath, they have a romantic snack in Ben's room. He tells her that he loves her and they continue to closed-mouth kiss like they've been doing all season.

JP's last chance date
The next day, Ashley and JP spend time together at the beach. They discuss the happenings of when he met her family. JP voices his concern to Ashley that her sister would get inside her head and change her mind about him. Ultimately, he tells Ashley that he is madly in love with her and wants to start a new life with her. Later on, they have a romantic night in JP's room. He gives her a photo album with one of Ashley's favorite pictures of she and JP. He says that if she chooses him, they can continue to fill it with pictures. Aw. He also wrote her a letter in the photo album. Aw. I just realized that Ben didn't give Ashley any gifts.

And the final rose goes to...
Ben is up first. He is confident that Ashley will accept his proposal. Someone has clearly been watching a different show. As much as I love me some Ben, it was obvious who Ashley would pick. Ashley starts to tell him that he is not the one, but Ben interrupts and proposes. She urges him to stand up and Ben is shocked. He says that he did not see that coming and as Ashley starts to explain, he walks away. She chases after him and tries to explain why she isn't choosing him but he tells her not to sugarcoat it. Ashley didn't expect them to end on terms like that but Ben tells her that nothing good can come out of that kind of situation. I don't think I've ever seen someone get that angry at a rejection before.

JP is up next. He tells Ashley that he loves her and wants to be with her forever. She tells him that she loves him and has waited a long time to tell him that. JP gets down on one knee and asks Ashley to marry him. She happily accepts (dayum, that's a huge rock!) and they run into the ocean to celebrate. I loved their interaction shown during the credits of the After the Final Rose special when JP was talking about all the places they had been. He says "What's next?" and Ashley goes "My bed." JP is all "Ok, see you guys later." It totally brought back memories of Trista and Ryan's fantasy date when Ryan says "Check please!" after Trista gave him the fantasy suite card. And look how they turned out...

After the Final Rose
Chris Harrison talks with Ben first. Although he was hurt, Ben is grateful for his relationship with Ashley because it enabled him to open up for the first time since his father's passing. The main questions that Ben wants answered by Ashley is when she made her decision that it wasn't him and what was the difference between him and JP that lead to her decision.

Ashley comes out to face Ben. She doesn't really give a time frame as to when she decided she was picking JP, but gives a generic answer that she knew he wasn't the one for her. She also tells him that there wasn't anything he could have done differently to change her decision.
Ben (to Ashley): Nice ring.
Me: Zing!

Ashley and JP are reunited. And yes, it feels so good. They are happy to be able to be out in public with each other and not have to keep the secret anymore. JP feels bad that people attacked Ashley they way they did and feels bad that he wasn't able to stand up for her but said that he was there to support her in any way he could (I'm guessing through phone calls, Skype..?).

Ashley's sister, Chrystie, is called up on stage to explain herself. She says that after watching the whole season, she feels that she was wrong in her assessment of JP and feels that Ashley made the right decision. She calls herself a jerk and apologizes to JP for judging him. JP accepts her apology and they hug it out.

Chris Harrison wants to know what is next for JP and Ashley. She is finishing up dental school and then is moving to New York City, where she and JP will get a place together. They have not discussed wedding plans yet because they want to have some normalcy before doing so. Will they make it? Time will tell.

Bachelor Pad 2 premieres next Monday, August 8. It's a three-hour premiere, so make sure you have plenty of booze to get you through. I, of course, will be with you every step of the way capturing every debacle in my blogs!

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 9

2011-07-25T10:19:00.018-04:00

OR: Cheeseburger in Paradise

The Return of Mr. Sunshine: Part 1
Ryan believes that he and Ashley had something between them when she sent him home on their 1-1 date and wants to see if she'll take him back. He thinks that his date was not conducive to passion which is a reason Ashley used to send him home. Ryan says he rang up his buddy Chris Harrison to see where he could track down Ashley. Harrison, being the ever gracious host, gave him Ashley's location. And here we are. Ryan asks if he could have a second chance. He gives Ashley his hotel address in case she wants to see him. She decides to take some time to think about it. Ryan, if she wanted you, she wouldn't have sent you home. This isn't Monopoly, you don't get a 'get out of jail free' card.

Date Category: Fantasy/Overnight
Bachelor Involved: Ben F.
Location: Fiji
Highlights: Ben has got a hair cut. Actually, I think he got it before the last Rose Ceremony, but I didn't catch it. I like it. Ashley and Ben board a yacht. Next they lather up with some sunscreen...aka cop a feel time. Now it's time for some snorkeling. At this point, Ben sees his life with Ashley flash before his eyes. He is falling for Ashley. At dinner, they both agree that the day was per-fact. What isn't per-fact? Ashley's middle-part bangs. Ben tells Ashley that he is on his way to telling Ashley that he loves her. This is the per-fact time to pull out the 'forgo your individual rooms' card. Ben carries Ashley out of the pool and into the room for, what we can only assume, is boom boom time. But honestly, who didn't swoon a little when Ben carried Ashley out of the pool? Why yes Ben, I do choose to forgo my individual room. Thanks for asking.
Fantasy Suite Accepted?: Yes

Date Category: Fantasy/Overnight
Bachelor Involved: Constantine
Location: Fiji
Highlights: Constantine and his "euro-mullet" (his words) meet Ashley for a helicopter ride. Ryan P. creepily stares up at the helicopter while standing on the reef. Ashley and Constantine head to Bouma Falls to jump off the cliffs. Why does Constantine have his shoes on but Ashley has nothing? Not even some ugly water shoes.. Ashley says that she noticed something on his hometown date that directly correlates to their relationship. Constantine looked at 108 houses before he bought one. She relates this to their relationship because of how long he takes to be sure of something and make a decision. Basically, Constantine is not cut out for the reduced dating time of the show. Ashley and Constantine discuss their relationship at dinner. Ashley feels like Constantine is closed off and doesn't know if it's her or the process. He tells Ashley that he knows what the fantasy suite card implies and he knew if he got to that point that he couldn't accept it if he knew he wasn't in love with her. Ashley wants to know where that leaves them and Constantine says that it's the end of the road for him.
Fantasy Suite Accepted?: No, Constantine eliminates himself

The Return of Mr. Sunshine: Part 2
Since when did Ashley start calling Ryan "Ry"? Ashley tells him that if she would write down everything that she's looking for, Ryan would be it. She said she felt so sure of him which is why he didn't get a 1-1 for so long. However, she is positive that she made the right decision sending him home the first time. Ashley says that she has two people that she has found what she's looking for in. Once again, Mr. Sunshine's parade is poo-poo'd on. Ryan wonders if he'll ever find love. Of course you will Ry, as the next Bachelor! Oh come on, they're totally setting this one up for us.

Date Category: Fantasy/Overnight
Bachelor Involved: JP
Location: Fiji
Highlights: Ashley and JP board a sea plane. They go to a private island for a jaunt in the ocean. JP says he feels good about him and Ashley and is ready for the end. Oh rly? At dinner, JP expresses his insecurities over the other guys. Ashley tells him that Constantine eliminated himself and also that Ryan came back to ask for a second chance but that she sent him home again. She tells him not to be hung up on the other relationships. JP says that it's not a competition to him and that he wants to be the last guy standing because he wants Ashley. At this point she breaks out the fantasy suite card. Ashley leaves to change and comes back in Chantal's outfit from one of her 1-1's with Brad. Let sexy time commence.
Fantasy Suite Accepted?: Yes

Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison and Ashley discuss the week's dates. Ashley feels like she and Ben are the most compatible. She feels like JP could make her very happy. Ashley feels like there was no romance between her and Constantine. It was harder to say goodbye to Ryan than anyone. Ashley decides to have a Rose Ceremony anyone because she wants to make sure that Ben and JP want to be there. Both Ben and JP accept roses from Ashley. Now comes the real test, meeting Ashley's family.

Ashley...stop saying "you guys" so much. It's kind of annoying.

Episode 10 & 11 Previews
On Sunday, July 31 is the Men Tell All special. Jeff explains his mask. William explains himself. And then there's Bentley.
On Monday, August 1 is the finale and After the Final Rose special. Ben and JP utter the L-word to Ashley. Ashley's sister doesn't like one of the guys. Ashley freaks out before the final Rose Ceremony.

Bachelor Pad 2: Meet the cast!

2011-07-20T08:53:00.007-04:00

Another season of Bachelor/ette debauchery is upon us as Bachelor Pad: Season 2 starts on Monday, August 8.

This season the number of guys and girls are evenly matched (9 apiece) but there will still be couples paired up at some point. This season's format is generally going to be done the same way as last season. However, Chris Harrison will also be flying solo with no co-host. But really, is anyone going to miss Melissa Rycroft-Strickland? I think she maybe said two complete sentences last season and her presence was completely unnecessary.

The Girls

Gia Allemand
Season: Bachelor 14: Jake Pavelka, Bachelor Pad: Season 1
Why you remember her: On The Bachelor with Jake, she was sent home after the fantasy dates. On Bachelor Pad: Season 1, she had a boyfriend back home and quit the kissing challenge but fell for bad-boy Wes anyway even though she promised to protect her fellow outsiders from the couples alliance. Wes is, after all, a modern day Shakespeare. She said it, not me. I'm not sure why she got re-cast on this season, as she again has a boyfriend.

Holly Durst
Season: Bachelor 12: Matt Grant
Why you remember her: Holly had a short, blonde bob on her season. She also brought her complete spray-tanning system with her. She was sent home during a 2-1 date. Before competing on The Pad, Holly was engaged to fellow Pad 2 contestant, Michael Stagliano, but they are (as of now) broken up. How will she handle seeing Michael go on dates with other Pad 2 ladies? Or will she engage in a little somethin-somethin of her own?

Vienna Girardi
Season: Bachelor 14: Jake Pavelka
Why you remember her: Vienna was Jake's chosen one. She was also the girl everyone, on and off camera, loved to hate. However, most of us were on Team Vienna during the break up with Jake after we all saw what a douche he really was. She and Gia were besties on their season but are now frenemies. How will they handle being around each other? Vienna is currently dating fellow Pad 2 contestant Kasey Kahl. How will they both handle being under the same roof as Vienna's former fiancee, Jake?

Jackie Gordon
Season: Bachelor 15: Brad Womack
Why you remember her: Jackie had the first 1-1 date with Brad during her season. She also was leader of the mean girls at the Women Tell All and basically told Michelle she was a bad mother. Who knew she was such a biotch? How will she and Michelle get along now that they are again under the same roof? Also, per Reality Steve, a romance blossoms on The Pad between Jackie and one of the cast-offs from the current season of The Bachelorette.

Michelle Money
Season: Bachelor 15: Brad Womack
Why you remember her: Michelle was the villain/resident crazy of her season. She famously woke up with an unexplained black eye. She was the girl all the others loved to hate on, although it turns out she actually formed friendships with many of the girls from her season. It's all in the editing, folks. We already know she and Jackie don't get along, but how will she be with the other girls?

Ella Nolan
Season: Bachelor 14: Jake Pavelka
Why your remember her: Single mom Ella was sent home on the 2-1 date with Jake and apparently, she's still upset about it. Really? Ella comes to The Pad having recently called off an engagement. Maybe she and Michelle can bond over being the only two moms on The Pad this season.

Erica Rose
Season: Bachelor 9: Lorenzo Borghese
Why you remember her: Erica fancied herself already a princess when she met Prince Lorenzo in Rome. She wore tiaras all the time and even now has her own line of them called "T-Ericas." Looks like she still wears tiaras, which should make for some interesting times on The Pad. If nothing else, she'll be entertaining.

Melissa Schreiber
Season: Bachelor 15: Brad Womack
Why you remember her: Melissa shared the resident crazy title with Michelle. She's the one who had major beef with Raichel, which lead to their elimination. I don't forsee her getting along with anyone on this season of The Pad anymore than she did during her season on The Bachelor.

Alli Travis
Season: Bachelor 15: Brad Womack
Why you remember her: Alli was sent home during her 1-1 date with Brad. She told Brad the reason her ex-boyfriend broke up with her is because he couldn't handle the junk in her trunk. Um, okay. And yep, that's about it...at least, all that I can remember anyway.

The Guys

Graham Bunn
Season: Bachelorette 4: DeAnna Pappas
Why you remember him: Graham had a hard time opening up and showing affection to DeAnna. Or maybe it was just the fact that he wasn't really that into her. Who knows, but had his heart been fully into it, he definitely would have been DeAnna's chosen. She made that pretty clear. Instead, he was sent home after the hometown dates. He co-runs a charity called NYC86. I imagine he'll say at some point on The Pad that he'll donate most of the money to his charity, should he win.

Kirk DeWindt
Season: Bachelorette 6: Ali Fedotowsky
Why you remember him: Kirk was the sweet bachelor who helped Ali into bed when she was sick on their group date. He also almost died from mold poisoning. His dad loved him some taxidermy, which probably played a role in Kirk being sent home after the hometown dates.

Kasey Kahl
Season: Bachelorette 6: Ali Fedotowsky
Why you remember him: Kasey famously proclaimed to "guard and protect" Ali's heart. He also got a tattoo to go along with that sentiment. Ali left Kasey on a glacier in Iceland on a 2-1 date. He is now happily guarding and protecting Vienna's heart and running his charity of the same name as the saying that made him memorable. How will he handle being under the same roof as Jake?

Jake Pavelka
Season: Bachelorette 5: Jillian Harris, The Bachelor: Season 14
Why you remember him: On The Bachelorette, Jake charmed (fooled) all the ladies with his southern gentleman ways. After his elimination, he returned to warn Jillian about Wes and Wes's alleged girlfriend back home. As the Bachelor, Jake seemed to still be the southern gentleman but surprised everyone by picking Vienna over Tenley. He had a stint on Dancing With the Stars, with Vienna by his side, but then it all went downhill. Turns out, he's actually quite the douchey fame whore who would probably want a woman to be quiet, make him some dinner and bear him some babies. I think that about covers it. Am I forgetting anything?

Justin Rego
Season: Bachelorette 6: Ali Fedotowsky
Why you remember him: Know as "Rated R," this aspiring wrestler charmed Ali with his broken foot and his crutches hobbling. None of the guys liked him and he finally met his end in Turkey when Ali found about about the girlfriend he had stashed away back home. He was secretly making phone calls to her and Ali confronted him and sent him packing.

Michael Stagliano
Season: Bachelorette 5: Jillian Harris
Why you remember him: Michael was one of my personal favorites on his season. This break dancer got along well with Jillian and the rest of the guys but failed to make a romantic connection and was sent home after the hometown dates. His twin brother, Stephen, is engaged to Season 4 Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas. Michael was engaged to fellow Pad 2 contestant Holly Durst, but they are now splitsville (she allegedly broke up with him). How will he handle Holly probably going on dates with other guys?

William Holman
Season: Bachelorette 7: Ashley Hebert
Why you remember him: William was one of my early favorites on his season. This comedian wanna-be had the first 1-1 date with Ashley and they hit it off. He had a set back when he played on Ashley's insecurities during the Bachelorette Roast group date, and thus looked like a total douch. His chemistry never fully recovered with Ashley and he was sent home on the 2-1 date, but not before throwing another bachelor under the bus. Somewhere, Dave Good is shipping William a copy of his Man Code book.

Blake Julian
Season: Bachelorette 7: Ashley Hebert
Why you remember him: Blake never got a 1-1 date with Ashley; he was always on the group dates. He had a real problem with Mr. Sunshine, Ryan P. and was eliminated at the Rose Ceremony in Hong Kong. Per Reality Steve, Blake hooks up with two Pad 2 contestants. Scandalous!

Ames Brown
Season: Bachelorette 7: Ashley Hebert
Why you remember him: Ames, with his unusually large forehead, super white teeth and affinity for shoulder strap button-downs, had zero romantic chemistry with Ashley on any of their dates, but they seemed to enjoy each others company (i.e. friend zone). He is a super smart, well traveled guy who just seemed a bit out of place on the show. He also suffered a minor concussion after enduring a beat down (while wearing Pepto Pink boxing shorts, I might add) by Ryan P. in Muay Thai boxing in Thailand. Ames was sent home after the hometown dates. Fear not Ames, word has it that a love connection awaits you at The Pad.

Now that we know the full cast, who are you rooting for? Anyone else secretly hope that Kasey lays the smack-down on Jake?

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 8

2011-07-16T13:20:00.024-04:00

OR: It's all about the Benjamins.

Date Category: Hometown
Bachelor Involved: Constantine
Location: Cumming, Georgia
Highlights: Ashley meets Constantine at a lake, complete with cute lil duckies. They head to Constantine's family's restaurant, Giorgios. Ashley likes how studly Constantine looks ordering his wait staff around. She won't think it's so studly when he tells her to go make him a sammich. Although, to be fair, Ashley did say she could make a mean PB&J. She brought that upon herself. Constantine's family has a cute lil dog! Mom pretty much tells Ashley that she's going to have to relocate if she picks Constantine. Dad tells Constantine not to rush anything. Constantine's dad is adorbs. OMG, cute lil dog is wearing a cute lil dress! Just when I was going to not stereotype Greek families, Constantine's whooole family shows up. I also get flashbacks of Brad Womack's first season when he went to DeAnna's hometown. They also did some Greek dancing. Dad makes it rain...with what looks like twenties.

Date Category: Hometown
Bachelor Involved: Ames
Location: Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania
Highlights: Ames's family breaks out some mint juleps. I want a mint julep. They're yummy. Ames's family has a pool...at their house...as in an indoor pool, at their house. Now we know how Ames afforded multiple degrees and world traveling. Ashley thinks that Ames's mom would be a great mother-in-law but she still feels that the romantic spark is missing between them. Sister tells Ames to make a move. I wish someone would make a move to end this hometown date. I'm sure Ames is a perfectly lovely guy but he and Ashley have zero chemistry. We all know how this is going to end. He takes Ashley on a picnic under a magnolia tree. Next up is a carriage ride. And then the date is over. Yep, that's all I got. Sorry Ames but it's Ben F. time.

Date Category: Hometown
Bachelor Involved: Ben
Location: Sonoma, California
Highlights: Ben takes Ashley to his winery for a picnic. He wants to know if Ashley is ready to meet "the fam." He's only brought one girl home to meet his mom before. If you don't get along with Mom and Sis, then you have no chance with this charming bachelor. Ben describes his dad as a happy, gentle giant. OMG, Ben's sister says "you guys" as much as Ashley does and she totally looks like a DeAnna Pappas/Ali Fedotowsky hybrid. Mom breaks out the embarrassing photos of Ben as a wee lad. He and his dad look a lot alike. Ben has a heart-to-heart with his mom which just damn near breaks your heart. I would give Ben a hug if he were here right now; he looked like he needed one. How can anyone not have some love for Ben after this date?

Date Category: Hometown
Bachelor Involved: JP
Location: Roslyn/Long Island, New York
Highlights: JP takes Ashley roller skating. I love roller skating. Anyone want to have a birthday party at Ameriskates anytime soon? OMG, a disco ball and REO Speedwagon? Best.Date.Ever. JP bites the big one. Next up, it's wine in paper cups. Classy. Well, I guess they are at a skating rink. Classy is as classy does. JP says that he's only brought 4 girls home to meet his family and the last one didn't turn out so well. Ashley questions how JP is so sure about them when he hasn't been sure about anyone before. He says that it sucks when Ashley isn't around and he doesn't want to be without her. Aww. Mom has concerns about her son's heart getting broken. JP doesn't think it will. He says that he will propose if he feels it's right. Mom addresses these concerns with Ashley and JP's brother addresses the concerns with JP. All I can think is whoever that girl is that broke JP's heart must be a total biatch. Mom has one last surprise for Ashley. She busts out a poster of JP from his bar mitzvah. He totally looked like Jonathan Taylor Thomas during the early Home Improvement years. I love it and the mullet he was rocking.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Ben, JP, Constantine
Sent Home: Ames

Episode 9 Preview
Ashley takes her final three guys to Fiji for the fantasy overnight dates. Someone come back and surprises Ashley. One fantasy date doesn't end well. There's always one.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 7

2011-07-11T22:01:00.010-04:00

OR: This little love light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

Chris Harrison just said "sup fellas?". Um no, Harrison, no one has said that since 2002. Two guys are going home this week and there are no roses to be handed out during the 1-1 dates. However, there will be a rose handed out on the group date. Lucas feels confident. Well, you shouldn't. JP's green-eyed jealousy monster is going to rear its ugly head soon. You can see it simmering in the vein that is pulsing in his neck.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Constantine
Location: A remote village in the Taiwanese countryside
Highlights: Ashley and Constantine board a train to go to a village outside of Taipei. I hate Ashley's shirt. I really hope she has some pasties on. Ladies, I don't care how small or big your boobs are, always wear some kind of support. Nothing is more embarrassing or unnecessary than 'headlights' and boobs flopping all over the place. This isn't Baywatch, it's real life! You feel me? Ashley and Constantine put their 'love wishes' on paper lanterns that will be released into the sky at night. Anyone else feel like Constantine should have been on DeAnna's season? The nice, Greek boy from Georgia meets the nice, Greek girl from Georgia? Ashley is trying to show Constantine some affection by putting her hand on his leg and he couldn't be more disconnected. Time to let the love lanterns fly! OMG, this totally reminds me of the scene in Tangled. Anyone else? Constantine is open to the idea of falling for Ashley and wants to take her to meet his family.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Ben F.
Location: Taiwan (Taroko National Park)
Highlights: Ashley and Ben are going to take a moped to sight see around the park. She needs to make sure she has an emotional and physical connection with Ben in order to keep him around. Well, if she doesn't have those connections with him, I have this friend who would. And by friend, I mean myself of course. Ben thinks that his wine is better than the wine they are having at dinner, which he will touch upon during his hometown date. He is feeling confident about getting a hometown date and about his feelings for Ashley. Ashley, in turn, feels like Ben is her boyfriend.

The guys wake up the next day to find out that Ben's 1-1 date turned into an overnight date. JP is testing the limits of his seven deadly sins (jealousy). Oh JP, dare I say it? Are you in love? I think yes.

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Ames, JP, Lucas
Location: Taipei, Taiwan (Photography district)
Highlights: Ashley and the three guys are going to experience taking wedding photos in a district where people from all over Taiwan go to get their wedding pictures done. Lucas gets to wear a gold gown, Ames gets a suit straight out of 1982 (or the offspring of an ostrich and Elton John according to JP), and JP gets a modern tux. Ashley and Lucas take traditional Taiwanese photos, hence the gold gown Lucas wears. Ashley and Ames take pictures that could appear in anyone's wedding album from the 1980s. Ashley and JP take modern photos. JP is still having difficulty keeping his jealousy under wraps. Lucas didn't like that he had to wear a dress. Uh, it was a gown Lucas..a man gown. Lucas's biological clock is ticking; he wants kids, like yesterday. Why is Ames wearing magenta jeans? I'm so confused. Did he steal them from the wedding photo place? He liked the 80s wedding garb so much, he had to take some home with him? JP confides in Ashley about his jealousy. Ashley thought he was cucumber cool. He said that his feelings for Ashley changed everything.
Status: JP gets a rose which guarantees him a hometown date.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Ryan P.
Location: Taiwan (Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Square)
Highlights: OMG Ashley, what is up with your backless shirts? If the wind blows any harder, everyone in Taiwan is going to see everything you (don't) own. And in a temple! Oh my lawd... She went from only wearing shirts as dresses to wearing shirts missing their backs. Ryan is yearning to share his life with one person. He said yearning, not me. Don't shoot the blogger. Ashley and Ryan throw some stones on the ground and they land on the same side, which is apparently bad, very bad. I will say one thing. The 5 o'clock shadow is working for Ryan. At dinner, Ryan asks what Ashley does to 'go green.' Ashley says she doesn't have much knowledge but wants to learn. Ryan talks about water heaters and all I hear is the Charlie Brown teacher voice. I recycle, but I don't need to talk about it on a date, at least with not that must zest anyway. Ashley can't take it anymore so she starts to let Ryan down and tells him that she'll be sending him home. Ryan is confused and looks like he's about ready to cry. Mr. Sunshine's parade was just poo-poo'd on. Ashley isn't 100% confident that she made the right decision. Ryan has the the sads. Cheer up Charlie, I'm sure you'll be the next Bachelor...as long as you don't talk about what an Earth destroyer water heaters are. Leave the Earth's destruction to the Decepticons. :)
Status: Ryan is sent home.

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party
There will be no party because Ashley knows what she wants to do. She made up her mind after she sent Ryan home. Oh snap.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: JP, Constantine, Ben, Ames
Sent Home: Ryan, Lucas

Episode 8 Preview
Ashley goes the the remaining four bachelors' hometowns to meet their family and friends. There will be Greek dancing where Constantine's dad will make it rain, carriage riding with Ames, emotional talks with Ben and heart guarding with JP.

Emily Maynard Interview

Brad and Emily are officially over. She is already a mess and she hasn't even started talking to Chris yet. Brad is not participating in the interview. Emily feels that she will always be in love with Brad and will never speak a bad word about him. Emily says that she fully planned on moving to Austin but red flags kept popping up. She felt like she couldn't pack up and move her child when she had so many doubts about whether or not she and Brad would last. Understandable. Emily hopes that by doing the interview, people (haters) will leave she and Brad alone.

I am James Bond...Your point is moot..

2011-06-30T10:15:00.010-04:00

I don't know how I'm just now seeing this...but it's kind of awesome. What's even more awesome is picturing Sean Connery saying it and hearing his voice read it. Oh, those silly old folks and their aversion to technology...

BTW, the 23rd installment of the James Bond series is back on schedule to come out sometime next year with Daniel Craig back for his third time. Mmm, Daniel Craig.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 6

2011-06-27T22:02:00.005-04:00

OR: I'm on a boat!

First order of business: There is no new episode next week due to the July 4th holiday. Episode 7 will air on July 11. Also, as of now, the Men Tell All episode is scheduled to air Sunday, July 31 with the finale on Monday, August 1st. This is because with no new episode airing next week and Bachelor Pad starting on August 8, they have to either combine two episodes or air one on Sunday before the finale to fit everything in. Whatever works, I guess.

Second order of business: Chris Harrison will have a sit-down interview with Emily Maynard that will air at the end of the July 11 episode to discuss the state of, or lack thereof, her relationship with one-time fiance Brad Womack. Is anyone really shocked by this news?

Now onto tonight's episode...
I'm starting to think that Ashley shares Ames's love of shoulder-strap button-downs. I'm pretty sure that's the third time she's worn that particular see-through one too. We're wasting no time diving into the Bentley nonsense. Chris "surprises" Ashley at her suite to tell her that Bentley is in the hotel, wanting to talk to her. Ashley thinks she still has a chance at a relationship with Bentley. Little does she know...I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE JUST HELD HER HEAD UP TO KISS HIM!!! AND I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY DID!!! What a douche. Bentley is still trying to sweet-talk Ashley into leaving the "dot dot dot" on their relationship. Ashley wants to know if they are making the "dot dot dot" into a "period." He mumbles and Ashley rails into him about the things Michelle Money told her and I'm thinking that she's starting to think she should've listened to Michelle's warnings. And with that, the King Douche has been found out.
Ashley: I cannot believe I wasted so much time on Bentley.
Me: Neither can everyone who watches this show. But my blog thanks you for the material.
I, for one, cannot wait to see the Men Tell All to watch Ashley go off on Bentley since she'll have seen all the stuff he said about her by then. It's going to be fun fun fun fun...like Rebecca Black Friday fun.

This song by Shania Twain came up on my iPod this weekend and I thought these song lyrics could best sum up the whole Bentley situation in lieu of tonight's happenings:
"I thought I might begin by fillin' you in
In case you didn't already know
I'll never forget how you got up and left
In fact is was downright pretty low

There ain't no way I wanna, you know I ain't gonna
Take you back so don't even try
You can beg, you can plead, you can sweat, you can bleed
Too bad, I could care if you cried

Yeah, that's it, we had fun
That's all we had a ball
It was good while it lasted, but now I'm past it
It was sure, it was sweet, sure you swept me off my feet
I miss you now and then but would I do it again?
Nah!"

After the confrontation with Bentley, Ashley feels refreshed. Girl done washed all that bad Bentley juju out of her hair. The first date card arrives for the dates in Hong Kong. Lucas finally gets a 1-1 date with Ashley.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Lucas
Location: Hong Kong
Highlights: Lucas is not well-traveled man. He does, however, like to go fishing with his buddies. I'm not sure how that equates to traveling, but okay. They do some shopping and strange food eating at an outdoor market and then hop on a traditional junk boat for dinner. Lucas would love three things on his date: he wants to dance, kiss and get a rose. Grab your partner, swing 'er round... Lucas opens up to Ashley about his divorce. He says that his marriage was great for a while but he realized one day that his wife was not who he was meant to be with. Lucas gets all three of his wishes. And I think it's kind of sweet that he asks Ashley's permission to kiss her.
Status: Lucas gets the rose

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ben, Ames, Blake
Location: Hong Kong (Stanley Market/Beach)
Highlights: Ashley informs the guys that they will be dragon boat racing. The guys will be split into three teams of two: Constantine/Ben, Ryan/Blake, Ames/Mickey. The guys will have to recruit people to help them row the boats. Constantine is confident that he and Ben will have a team in no time. Ryan, who looks really cute with the scruff I might say, gets a translator to help recruit people. Mickey finds two guys who are actually on a dragon boat team who call up their friends to help. Ryan also finds some people willing to help. Ben and Constantine are striking out. So much for that confidence, eh? Team Red Dragon (Ben/Constantine bromance) is quickly losing the boat race.
Ben: We're getting smoked.
Constantine: Like salmon, bro.
Me: Cute.
Mickey is like really into the it, but it worked because he and Ames with the race. When Ashley and the guys are chilling on the beach, a couple is getting engaged next to them. Ashley is hoping it is a bit of foreshadowing for her. At the after party, Ames makes his move for a kiss in the elevator. I'm sure it was as awkward for Ashley as it was for the rest of us. Ben's wardrobe choices have vastly improved since the last episode. He says that he is on the path to falling in love with Ashley. Ryan schmoozes it up with Ashley and it pisses the rest of the guys off. Mickey, in particular is perturbed. Ryan's kind of cheesy but apparently Ashley likes it.
Status: Ryan gets the rose

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: JP
Location: Hong Kong (Chinese Zodiac Park/Vicotria's Peak Tram)
Highlights: Hey look, Ashley's wearing another see-though shirt. With a black bra. Tacky. Ashley asks JP what they're going to be doing a month from now and he says it might have to do with getting down on one knee. He says that he and Ashley feel comfortable and it feels meant to be. JP says that the last person/thing that made him cry was his ex. Ashley says that JP is the best looking guy she has ever seen. She then decides it's a good time to tell JP about the Bentley situation. JP starts to sweat bullets and looks like he feels like Ashley is going to break up with him for Bentley. Ashley tells him that she saw Bentley, got closure with their relationship and wanted to tell JP all of this because of her strong feelings for him. JP takes the news well and feels good that she feels like she can tell him things although he was scared for a second that Bentley was going to pop out of the woods. Uh no JP, this is The Bachelorette, not Candid Camera. We also had a mystery solved during this date. What does JP stand for? As Ashley was giving him the rose, she called him by his full name, Jordan Paul. So there you go. JP is also falling in love with Ashley, you could totally tell. They take in the Hong Kong skyline to the music of a sitar player.
Status: JP gets the rose

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party
I will say this. After dealing with Bentley and finally putting a cap on things, Ashley is like a totally different person. This is a good thing because I was going to be pissed if she was all doom and gloom the whole rest of the season. And I would feel bad for all the guys that were actually into her.
She now decides to tell the rest of the guys about the Bentley situation since she's been preaching about being honest all season. After she tells them, there is a palpable tension in the room. JP already knows, so he's the only one not shocked.
Constantine says she contradicted herself on her date with him because they talked about being completely over their past relationships. To be fair to Ashley, they were talking about relationships before the show.
Lucas wonders why she's just now telling them and why it took her so long to get this closure when they've been to three locations that Bentley hasn't been a part of.
Blake confronts her about falling for Bentley and what it must've been like to see him again. Ashley breaks down and walks out of the room.
Constantine, Mickey and Lucas start lashing out at Ashley and JP and Ryan jump to her defense. Everyone together now "Awwww."
Ryan tells Ashley that he wasn't phased by the news and that he understands that she needed that closure.
Ames is also a little level-headed about the news and says that he understands that relationships aren't simple and that's the beauty of them...or something like that.
Blake, Lucas and Constantine seem to be the most upset and feel like whoever she chooses now is just going to be second fiddle to Bentley.
Mickey feels like they were all lied to by Ashley. He is seriously questioning why he's even there. He doesn't know what Ashley saw in Bentley and wants to be sent home if that's they kind of guy she wants. Ashley says that if he wants to leave, then he can leave on his own accord.
Me: Don't let the door hitcha on the way out sucka.
After Mickey leaves, Ashley once again breaks down, apologizes to the guys and ends the party.
The guys who lashed out immediately feel like douches, which they should.
Chris Harrison breaks it down from a guys perspective for Ashley.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Lucas, Ryan, JP, Ben, Constantine, Ames
Sent Home: Mickey (who eliminated himself before the Rose Ceremony), and Blake

Episode 7 Preview
Ashley and the remaining 6 guys are headed to Taiwan. Looks like Ryan, Constantine and Ben get 1-1 dates. There is also a preview for the rest of the season. Someone Ashley sent home returns during the overnight dates in Fiji. Also looks like there is major drama at the Final Rose Ceremony...does the guy Ashley chooses, not choose her back? There is a voice-over from JP saying that he's not sure if he's ready to propose. DRAMA.

As always, don;t forget to check out Chris Harrison's weekly behind-the-scenes blog at EW.com. I'll be posting a Bachelor Pad 2 cast blog once all the guys from Ashley's season that are on The Pad are revealed.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 5

2011-06-20T22:02:00.002-04:00

OR: Mama said knock you out!

A couple orders of business:
1) Bentley doesn't actually make his return until next week, we were just lead to believe it was this week with the previews. Well played ABC, well played.
2) Yet more proof that all the good guys are taken...Chris Lambton (Bachelorette 6) and Peyton Wright (Bachelor 10, Bachelor Pad 1) recently got engaged. Congrats to them! They're such a cute couple, it's kind of sickening. 3) The Bachelor Pad 2 cast list was released last week, with 3 guys from Ashley's season who have yet to be named. I will be blogging the show, no worries. SPOILER ALERT: The guys from Ashley's season are Ames, Blake and William. Okay, William I get, but Ames? and Blake? Why not Jeff and his mask or even drunkard Tim?

Onto this week's episode...

This week, Ashley and her man-brood are taking up residence in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Does Ashley own any pants or skirts? She sure wears a lot of shirts as dresses. I get that she's short, but really. Pants, invest in them. Chris Harrison is looking dapper in his linen pants and brown button-down. He then throws the guys a curve ball...only one 1-1 date this week. Say what? Yessir, there will be one 1-1 date, a 2-1 date and a group date.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Ben F.
Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand
Highlights: Ben is really excited for his first real date with Ashley. I, on the other hand, am not excited about his choice of wardrobe. Those shoes...Are those leather boat captain shoes? They first stop at an outdoor market. I will say that Ashley and Ben have great chemistry. It's sad that there are guys like Ben who genuinely like her and she continues to dwell on the B-word. Next, they head to a temple after painting some over-sized drink umbrellas. At this particular temple, you are not allowed to engage in PDA. Ben does his best "asian lady voice", which makes me giggle. I might have a small crush. Ben's wardrobe choices do not improve as the evening progresses. He's like the lost hippie cast member of an Age of Aquarius music video in that outfit at dinner. The linen pants are do-able, with the right top, which that top is clearly not. Ben reveals that he was not emotionally available a year ago, mainly due to his father's passing, but now that he realizes that fact, he's ready to allow himself to fully commit to a relationship. The wink was a nice touch. Well played Ben, well played. They are treated to a performance by dancers with candles and are finally allowed to get their PDA on.
Status: Ben F. gets the rose

Side note: What is up with William's hair? Someone get that boy some clippers, stat!

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, JP, Mickey
Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand
Highlights: Ashley is taking the guys to learn and participate in some Muay Thai boxing. I LOVE Ashley's pink boxing gloves. I don't own boxing gloves, but if I did, they'd for sure be bright pink. Ames informs us that he's never been in a fight. Really? Could've fooled me. Cue gratuitous shirtless scenes in 3...2...1. JP and Nick doing pushups? Yes, please. Blake thinks spandex was invented for people like Ashley. People like Ashley? Yes. People of Walmart? No. Ames points out that all the colors of the wind are represented in the boxing gear they will wear. He, of course, gets the most manly of colors, Pepto pink. First up is Blake vs. Lucas. Blake wins. Next up is Mickey vs. JP (although when the announcer says JP, it sounds like Debbie). JP wins. Next up is Ryan vs. Ames. Ryan wins. Last up is Constantine vs. Nick. Constantine wins, I think. Ames, on the other hand, is not winning. He basically has cartoon squiggles and birdies doing circles around his head. Ashley sends him off to the hospital to get checked out. Ames returns during the after party, walking very slowly. He tells Ashley that he has a mild concussion. Lucas tries to teach Ashley how to golf. I pulled that move once when playing mini-golf. I know how to put, but guys can never resist getting a chance to explain how to do something and show off.
Status: Blake gets the rose

Date Category: 2-1
Bachelors Involved: Ben C., William
Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand
Highlights: Ben F. lent Ben C. his leather boat captain shoes. How nice. I do not like how cocky William has become. It's not attractive. What happened the the charming William who had umbrella issues? That William needs to come back, asap! Ben and William row Ashley down the river on a raft straight out of Huck Finn. William takes the opportunity during his alone time with Ashley to thrown Ben under the bus. He claims that Ben has told the other guys that Ben is going to troll dating sites and "clean up" after he leaves. Ashley decides to end the 2-1 portion of the date by sending Ben home. Ben claims that he was just joking around when he told the guys that. I think we've all seen that Ashley doesn't take kindly to jokes of that nature. Ashley continues the date at dinner with William. They are both hoping the chemistry they had on their first date is still there. William maintains that he is a 30-year old boy who is not ready to fully grow up. Um, you're 30, you have to start at some point and this is not a Disney movie. I foresee William and his future wife on the Marriage Ref show at some point. Ashley decides to also send William home because she doesn't feel the chemistry and doesn't think that it will ever come back.
Status: No rose; both guys are sent home

Pre Rose Ceremony Party
Ryan lets Ashley know that he is totally into her. Totally.
Constantine feels closer to the guys than he does Ashley, but he does want to spend more time with her. He wants to know where he stands with her by the time the hometown dates roll up.
JP says that he can see he and Ashley together in real life. Also, he was kind of jealous when she picked up Ben F. for their date.
Ashley is still thinking about Bentley. She claims to need closure before she can move on, as in next week will be the end of it. Hopefully.
The look on Harrison's face when Ashley is talking about Bentley is priceless. He's all "for realz?"

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Ben F., Blake, Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey, Ryan
Sent Home: Ben C., William, Nick

Episode 6 Preview
Ashley and the guys travel to Hong Kong. The Bentley situation gets dealt with. The guys do not take kindly to the news that Bentley may return.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 4

2011-06-07T09:56:00.020-04:00

OR: Let's count how many times Ashley says "Bentley"!

With 12 guys left, none will be left out of dates this week. Two guys will get 1-1 dates while the rest will go on the group date. Chris Harrison tells the guys that he won't be giving out the first date just yet because they are travelling to Thailand! And you get a car! And you get a car! Oh wait, wrong show...

In Thailand, Ashley commiserates the loss of Bentley. Girl is hung up and needs to move on. She enlists the help of Annie, the resort lady to help plan the dates. Annie looks confused and shocked when Ashley tells her that she has 12 guys with her. Either that, or Annie thinks Ashley is a high-priced hooker.

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Constantine
Location: Phuket, Thailand
Highlights: Ashley and Constantine are supposed to take a catamaran to a private island, however the weather sucks, so that is cancelled. They decide to go into town to walk around the shops and talk to the locals. Constantine kind of looks like Josh Groban. I like Josh Groban. They enlist the help of a translator when talking to a shop owner who has been married for 36 years. His advice for marriage is to forgive and forget. He also told them to not try to win...in other words, "Yes, Dear." Constantine and Ashley discuss sweating like beasts, which they both are. Sweaty mess is not a good look for a date. Ashley wants to tell Constantine how she felt about the whole Bentley situation, but she doesn't. Back at the resort JP, Blake and Ben F. discuss Ashley and who has kissed her. JP gets jealous and I think it's cute. Ashley tells Constatine that he was able to help her get back on her feet and that their date was per-fact.
Status: Constantine gets the rose

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Ben F., JP, Blake, Mickey, West, Ben C., Nick, Lucas, William, Ryan
Location: Phuket, Thailand (Baan San Fan Orphanage)
Highlights: The Baan San Fan Orphanage was created for the children who lost their parents during the 2004 tsunami. Ashley and the guys are going to spruce up the buildings. They guys don't like how Ryan takes charge and is constantly 'on'. My friend pointed out Ryan's poor technique when painting near the ceiling. Ben F. decides to paint a mural on one of the walls. He paints an elephant while Ashley paints some flowers. The kids love their new home. At the party later that night Ashley dons a bikini covered by a crotched tunic, which Ryan approves of. Ashley and Ben F. connect over the day at the orphange and he reads the signals really well (i.e. Ashley puckering her lips) and moves in for a kiss. The rest of the guys discuss their dislike of Ryan and hope that he doesn't get the rose again. Ryan tells Ashley that he gets along with the other guys. Little does he know... Ashley pulls JP aside because she feels like he's been standoff-ish. We find out that Ashley fell asleep on JP's chest on their last 1-1 date. She thinks that JP's kisses are magical, the per-fact cure for Bentley-itis. As Ashley starts to hand out the date rose, Ryan interrupts and pulls her away for a quick chat. He's starting to annoy me. Also, I didn't like the lack of Ben C. on this date.
Status: Ben F. gets the rose

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Ames
Location: Phuket, Thailand
Highlights: Ames sure does like those button-down shirts with the shoulder straps. I also saw on Twitter where someone said he was the lost member of a boy band, which I find hilarious. Ames talks a lot about being spontaneous and going to cooking school in Thailand spontaneously. They hop into a kayak and proceed into a secluded lagoon. I'm pretty sure I saw a scary movie that started like this once. Ashley comments that the water feels like bathwater, and coincidentally it looks like bathwater too. Did you know that Ames likes women who are spontaneous? I would have never guessed. Ashley and Ames are both wearing navy blue tops and white bottoms to dinner. They both have "nerd areas" in their houses; Ashley has a bunch of dental stuff in her closet and Ames has white boards full of math everywhere. Fun...not.
Status: Ames gets the rose

Pre Rose Ceremony Party:
Ashley questions whether or not West is ready for another marriage with his wife passing away less than a year ago. He says that he is ready to move on. Lucas, who is divorced, hasn't dated much since then but is open to different types of women. Oh rly? Blake confronts Ryan to tell him that he is getting on everyone's nerves. Ryan seems perplexed by this news. Blake tells Ryan that he is too intense. Ryan pretty much says that he won't apologize for being happy all the time. Ashley then asks Ryan if he's always happy. He says that he is bursting with a lot of love in his chest...or whatever.

Ashley tells Chris Harrison that she is still a bit hung up on Bentley. She says that him leaving with the "..." prevented her from getting closure. She says that she will always wonder what could have been. She did say that she is starting to see some relationships that could possibly trump what she had with Bentley. Ashley tells Chris Harrison that she was originally going to send Ames home on his 1-1 date but what glad she didn't because he has a lot of qualities she's looking for. She is going to break the rules and ask for an extra rose and only send one guy home.

Rose Ceremony:
Rose-d: Constantine, Ben F., Ames, Lucas, Ryan, JP, Nick, Mickey, Blake, William, Ben C.
Sent Home: West

Number of times Ashley said Bentley's name: Approx. 18...17 too many if you ask me.

Episode 5 Preview:
The journey continues in Chiang Mai, Thailand! Ben F. gets a 1-1. The guys partake in some Thai boxing that ends with a trip to the hospital. Bentley returns, for good?

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 3

2011-06-06T22:00:00.005-04:00

OR: Quit playin' games with my heart (BSB style)

In case you can't count, Chris Harrison informs us that there are 15 guys left. There are also two 1-1 dates and one group date...no, really? Math was really never my strong suit, but thanks Harrison. The first 1-1 date goes to Ben C.

The Dates
Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Ben C.
Location: Glendale, CA (Americana at Brand outdoor mall)
Highlights: Ashley can't believe that all the guys left want to date her. Well, everyone except Bentley that is. Ashley picks Ben C. up in a different sports than last week car with huge speakers. Ashley plans on putting Ben C. in a flash mob, but doesn't tell him. He thinks that she's just teaching him some sweet dance moves. I plan on using all of these moves at the wedding I'm going to next weekend. Ben C. is not thrilled when Ashley wants to do the dance they just learned in the middle of an outdoor mall...in front of people. Ben C. is totally a stereotypical white boy dancer. It's kind of adorable. Far East Movement shows up for an impromptu concert. I do like that Rockateer song. Ben C. and Ashley kiss per the chanting of the crowd. At the rooftop dinner, Ben C. lets us know that he's pretty much been planning his wedding since he was a wee lad. He talks very fast, but I get the gist that he's a hopeless romantic. He also texts using emoticons, but only if his friend tells him it's okay. Ashley says she would be crazy not to give him a rose. Yes, yes you would.
Status: Ben C. gets the rose

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Ames, Ben F., Blake, Chris, Jeff andhis mask, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, William, Bentley
Location: Los Angeles, CA (The Comedy Store)
Highlights: The guys deem William the funniest guy in the house. However, Jeff thinks that he is the funniest because he goes to comedy clubs all the time. Roastmaster Geoffrey Ross is going to teach the guys how to roast and tells them that they will be roasting Ashley. William, who wants to be a stand-up comedian, thinks this is his chance to the big time. This is not going to end well. Lucas is up first. He mostly takes shots at the guys. Ames does have a pretty big forehead though. Ryan crashes and burns. Ames makes fun of Jeff and his mask, which is kind of funny. Blake does some Bachelor math or something. Jeff and everyone else makes fun of Ashley's chest, or lack thereof. William crosses the line a bit and makes a "joke" about signing up for Emily or Chantal. He thinks he's funny and I think he's henceforth off my favorites list. Ashley cries and Bentley uses that as an opportunity to mess with her emotions. At the after party, the guys discuss the debauchery of the day. William pulls Ashley aside to talk about his comments. He contemplates leaving and tells Ashley to go talk to someone else. He then leaves the date. Ashley tries to talk to the rest of the group but can't concentrate. William returns to the date after some soul-searching on Hollywood Boulevard. Ryan comforts Ashley by telling her that he wants her here and wants to spend more time with her. They make out and Ashley is cured! Ashley tells Bentley that she was warned about him before the show. He talks his way around it without actually admitting or denying anything. I want to shake and slap Ashley for falling for his BS.
Status: Ryan gets the rose

The Bentley Situation:
As Ashley ponders what life would be like with Bentley and says that he is probably the one for her, she has no idea that he is packing to leave. Bentley arrives at Ashley's house to tell her that he is leaving. He tells Ashley that he misses his daughter too much which is why he needs to leave. Ashley falls apart and pretty much tells Bentley that he was probably going to be one of the final two guys. Ashley contemplates not continuing on with the show while surrounded by billowy purple comforters and pillows.
Status: Bentley eliminates himself

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: JP
Location: Ashley's bachelorette abode
Highlights: JP brings Ashley yellow and purple daisies. I love him already; daisies are my fave. Her eyes are a puffy mess from crying all day. They decide to put on pjs. Ashley apologizes for JP's date sucking, he says he's happy to be here. He says that he likes schlubbing on dates and just hanging out, which I find awesome because sweats and a t-shirt are my favorite outfit for not doing anything. A girl can't be dolled up every minute of th day! Ashley likes JP's kisses better than Bentley's. So there. And yeah, nothing else much happened on this date which is a shame because JP is kind of attractive. I would probably not mind more of him on my tv screen. But I digress...
Status: JP gets the rose

Bachelors with no date this week: Mickey, West, Constantine

Seen/Heard from the Mask:
1. "I'm at a disadvantage because Ashley hasn't seen my face." Well no duh, you're the 35-year old man who thought it would be awesome to wear a mask.
2. Side note: I find it hilarious that creepy organ music is played everytime Jeff and his mask are in the shot.
3. "I think she will be pleasantly surprised." Or not..
4. Jeff takes off his mask. I kind of wish he was horrible-looking so that it would have been more dramatic. It was just kind of 'meh'. Ashley: "He's a lot older than I thought he was." BAHAHAHA

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party:
It's therapy chat time with Chris Harrison! Ashley tells Chris she thinks she was in love with Bentley. She sees that maybe now she should have listened to Michelle's warnings about Bentley. Chris tries to talk some sense into Ashley and tells her that if Bentley really wanted to be there, he would have moved Heaven and Earth to stay, which he didn't...and the fact that he wasn't attracted to Ashley. She cancels the cocktail party.

Rose Ceremony:
Rose-d: Ben C., Ryan, JP, Constantine, West, Mickey, Ben F. and his horrible bow-tie, Blake, Nick, Ames, Lucas, William
Sent Home: Bentley, Chris, Jeff and his mask

Episode 4 Preview:
Thailand! Ames kayaks with Ashley! They guys gang up on Ryan!

Note: Next week's blog will be up late; probably on Wednesday afternoon.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 2

2011-05-30T22:01:00.025-04:00

OR: Ashley's Best Dance Crew

Uncle Chris gathers Ashley's gentleman callers and Bentley in the mansion living room. As always, he breaks down how the dates work, which everyone and their mom already knows. With that the first date is handed out. It goes to William.

Meanwhile, Ashley ponders her first night. She thinks she has some of the best looking guys that have ever been on the show. She then jumps in her fancy blue Hot Wheels car and picks up William for their date.

Oh yeah, Jeff is still wearing his mask.

The Dates
Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: William
Location: Las Vegas (Bellagio Hotel & Casino)
Highlights: They bond over their love of long-distance driving but then hop in a private jet to head to Vegas. William is kind of disappointed they aren't actually driving to Las Vegas. Have you seen gas prices? Ashley get swarmed by fans in a Vegas hotel. On the date, Ashley is putting William through the wedding ringer by making him participate in wedding-planning activities. William immediately develops a stammer and pit stains. Nothing says "is he here for the right reasons" more than an almost-wedding. Ashley takes William to a chapel and I keep waiting for him to pass out. She brings the ceremony to a halt before their "marriage" becomes legal, which is good because there are still 17 other potential mates to consider. Well, 16 if you don't count Bentley, because I don't. After a quick wardrobe change, the couple goes to dinner on the water by the famed Bellagio fountains. Ashley is again accosted by fans. William reveals that his life-goal is to be a stand-up comedian. Dream big, William, dream big. He also tells Ashley about his dad and his watch. William and Ashley share this season's first kiss.
Status: William gets the rose

Date Category: Group
Bachelors Involved: Constantine, Ryan M., Chris, Ben F., Nick, Bentley, Lucas, Stephen, Blake, Matt and Ames
Location: Las Vegas (Monte Carlo Resort and Casino)
Highlights: Ashley channels Gilligan's Maryann when she meets the guys. She wants to see how well they move. They have now entered the realm of the Jabbawockeez. She sneaks off while the guys are mesmerized by the dancing. Ashley joins the Jabbawockeez for about .5 seconds and informs the guys that they will be broken into teams and will have to come up with their own routine. The winning team will join the Jabbawockeez and Ashley on stage. The losing team will be sent back to Los Angeles. Team A (No Rhythm Nation) takes the stage and does their dance based on the Rose Ceremony. Team B (The Best Men) does a dance based on an MIA bride. The Jabbawockeez declare No Rhythm Nation the winners. The winning team and Ashley perform in the show and actually do a pretty good job. And by good job, I mean that no one fell down. At dinner after the show, each guys gets some time with Ashley. West tells her about his wife who accidentally drowned. Next up is Bentley...who actually says he wants Ashley to "tickle his pickle" (yes, he actually said those words) but that's as far as his interest goes with her. He tells Ashley that his daughter would be the reason he'd leave the show...and the fact that he's not attracted to her. Ashley then proceeds to beg, yes beg, him to stick around. And then she gives him the date rose! WTH is wrong with the girl?!
Status: Bentley gets the rose

Date Category: 1-1
Bachelor Involved: Mickey...beats out JP in a rousing game of coin toss
Location: Las Vegas (Shark Reef Aquarium, Mandalay Bay wave pool)
Highlights: Mickey, take the hair gel down a notch son, you're going to poke Ashley's eye out. They go to Aureole wine shop. Since Mickey had to flip a coin to get on the date, Ashley decides to flip a coin to determine the rest of the date. This is going to get old fast. They then head to the Shark Reef aquarium, where nothing particularly exciting happens. Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey! Hey hey hey Mickey! Sorry, I couldn't resist. Ashley wants to flip a coin to see if he gets the rose or not. Luckily for Mickey, it works out. Ashley then takes him to the Mandalay Bay wave pool for a surprise concert by Colbie Caillat who is singing her hit no one has heard, "I Do." Ashley doesn't Heismen Mickey this time when he kisses her.
Status: Mickey gets the rose

Bachelors with no date this week: JP, Jeff and his mask, Ryan P., Ben C.

Heard/seen from the Mask:
1. Ames: Now that we're in 90-degree heat, do you wish you had a white mask instead of a black mask?
Jeff: Yeah, I kinda wish I had a white mask.
2. "Ashley will fall in love with me." Uh, I think there's a 100% chance of this not happening.
3. The mask sleeps with a sleep mask over his other mask. HA
4. "Being in ts house makes me uncomfortable at times." At times? Really? I would think it makes all the other guys uncomfortable all of the time.
5. "Tonight is going to be the night that I reveal myself to Ashley." Oh rly?
6. "This is serious. This isn't a joke." Again, says the 35-year old man wearing a mask.

Pre-Rose Ceremony Party
Every bachelor has a little black rain cloud over his head this time. And how fitting that it's raining. JP decides to flip a coin to see whether or not he gets to kiss Ashley. This time the coin toss works in his favor.
William pulls out the George W Bush impression which rubs the other guys the wrong way. They must be Republicans. ;) (I jest! But who doesn't love a good GWBush impersonation?) Nick tries to teach Ashley how to line dance and then William pulls the ultimate Bachelor-fail by interrupting and stealing Ashley when he already has a rose.
Why is it that ever ytime Jeff the mask is shown eerily staring over a balcony, I'm waiting for a chandelier to come crashing down? Jeff is finally ready to take off his mask and Matt interrupts. He would.
OMG, Ben C. is totally adorbs. I want to put him in my pocket and take him everywhere with me.
As William is once again talking about his date, Bentley says that he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley. The competitiveness then kicks in and he literally sweeps Ashley off her feet and works his douchey magic on her. He says that her kissing was boring. I bet Ashley is kicking herself watching this...or wanting to kick Bentley in the man bits.

Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: William, Bentley, Mickey, West, Constantine, Ryan P., Ben C., Nick, Ames, Lucas, Jeff and his mask, JP, Chris, Ben F., Blake
Sent Home: Matt, Stephen and Ryan M.

Episode 3 Preview
Flash mob with Ben C.! Bachelorette roast! William turns into a douche! Bentley makes Ashley cry! Bentley's true colors revealed!

Jeff the Mask takes us out with a montage of his masked-ness. HA, he vaccums in his mask.

#BadnewsBentley

2011-05-28T16:28:00.004-04:00

This preview for episode 2 of The Bachelorette was released and in it are some more Bentley gems, such as "I'm going to make her cry" and "I hope my hair looks alright." And people thought Wes from Jillian's season was bad news...

Ashley, here's what "no" looks like. Anytime Bentley tries to sweet-talk you, do this and everything will okay.

Where's Kasey to guard and protect her heart when you need him?

Oh, if you'd like to discuss Bentley during the show on Twitter, use hashtag #BadnewsBentley...thanks to former contestant Ashley S. for creating this. You can follow her on Twitter at @AshleySpivey.

Also, you can go to http://thebachelor.tv for vlogs on this season from former contestants like Ashley S. and Emily. There are also behind-the-scenes vlogs/blogs, ect. Anything Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad related, you can find on this site.

The Bachelorette, Ashley: Episode 1

2011-05-23T23:01:00.012-04:00

OR I was drunk last night, dear mother...

Hello, fellow Bachelorette fans! Welcome to another exciting, dramatic season of our favorite reality tv extravaganza! You remember Ashley H. right? She was the pint-sized, full of energy girl who had some *minor* insecurity issues that Bachelor Brad sent home after the fantasy dates. Well, she's back and ready to find love with a new hair-do and minus those pesky insecurity issues...maybe. I'm sure those will surface sooner than she thinks.

I'm going to format my blog differently this season. I'm going to try make everything as concise as possible and just hit the major points (with my randomness added in of course) and leave the long-windedness to Reality Steve. :) He, by the way, has all of the spoilers for this season posted up to the final four guys if you're interested. Without giving anything away, let's just say I wouldn't have guessed that three of the four guys in the final four would be there. However, I look forward to seeing why they are there.

Guys to keep an eye on: Tim (gets so drunk, he passes out before the Rose Ceremony) and Bentley (per the pre-packaged tape, he will be the guy every girl loves to hate, as he wishes aloud that the Bachelorette was Emily instead of Ashley...two words Bentley: douche bag).

Early faves: Ryan P., JP, Ben F., William (OH!)

First impressions: Points to Ames for saying he hopes Ashley is the Bachelorette but those points are promptly taken away when I see that he doesn't wear socks with his dress shoes. Boys, wear socks with dress shoes, they are your friends. Also points to Ben F. for saying he is a brunette man; also seems like a sweet guy. I can't take Anthony seriously because his accent makes him a walking parody of the the Jersey Italian stereotype. Major aww points to William for the story about his dad passing and how his watch stopped at the same time. He refuses to change the battery because of it.

Pre Meet & Greet Chat with Chris Harrison
Ashley's biggest regret the first time around was being so insecure and skeptical about Brad's feeling for her. She then pays homage to crazy Michelle by making the fireworks symbol with her hand. Her biggest fear is that the guys will be disappointed that she is The Bachelorette. Ashley also informs Harrison that a past contestant (Michelle) told her that one of the guys coming on the show is only there to promote his business (cough...Bentley...cough). Harrison pretends to be shocked by this news and wonders aloud what will happen if she falls for him. She claims that she will have no regrets. I, personally, would feel like a moron if someone gave me this info and I ignored it. Just say no, Ashley!

Meet the Men!
-Ryan P.- Brad's loss is his gain. Or so he says.
-Jon- Otherwise known as Bachelor Matt Grant's clone. Throws Ashley over his shoulder because he is very eager to get to the honeymoon. Woah boy, ring first.
-Lucas- Hugger from Texas. Smells good.
-William- OH! Quick, someone yell IO!
-Mickey- Tries to put the moves on Ashley. She declines. Smart girl.
-Tim- Resident drunkard. Speechless. Awkward.
-Ben C.- Speaks French to Ashley. I like.
-Stephen- He's a hair stylist and comments on Ashley's hair color...just sayin'.
-Chris D.- Lays down a phat rhyme. Don't quit your day job.
-West- You know, like the opposite of East. Gives Ashley a broken compass pointing West. Get it?! HA...lame.
-Anthony- John Travolta called, he wants his gold chain from Saturday Night Fever back.
-Rob- Unlike Brad, he doesn't have any crowns on his teeth.
-Ames- Gives Ashley ballet tickets. Marry him now. Any points I took away previously, I now give back.
-Matt- Patty cake, patty cake, bakers men.
-Jeff- Wait, was I just switched back to the Mr. Personality tv show from 2000? He plans on wearing the mask all night. I can't decide if it's clever or weird. Wait, no, it's just weird and maybe a little on the creepy side.
-Ben F.- Gives Ashley some homemade wine. Brushed his teeth eight times before meeting her. I appreciate a man with good dental hygiene.
-Frank- Picks Ashley up and awkwardly tangos with her.
-Michael- Oh my dear friend Jessica..he's like the male version of you with your fear of dentists.
-Chris M.- He's from Canada, eh?
-Ryan M.- Only there for a picture with Chris Harrison.
-JP- Ashley likes.
-Nick- Recites a poem. At least it rhymes and makes more sense...ahem, Chris D.
-Blake- The dentist. And yeah, that's all I got.
-Bentley- Could he look any less excited?
-Constantine- Ties a pink dental floss ribbon around Ashley's finger. His promo picture does him no justice.

Pre Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party
-Ryan P. makes him move and is the first to steal Ashley for some alone time. Owns a solar energy company.
-Ben F.'s family owns a winery.
-Matt is totally a mama's boy. They call his mom. Matt's mom reminds them to use protection when they choose to forgo their individual rooms.
-Michael throws a guitar in the pool.
-Jeff: "You cover up half of your face and suddenly you're strange." Well yeah.
-Guys scramble for attention while Ben C. holds up cue cards. He likes to travel. I like to travel...just sayin'.
-William tries to do celebrity impressions. "I'm a 30-year old child." Not something a girl wants to hear from a potential mate, unless you're Ashley who thinks that's a good thing. He totally has Peter Pan Syndrome, which FYI is not a good thing.
-Tim is schwasted. Cue the hiccups.
-"I'm a mature adult." Said the 35-year old man wearing a mask.
-Ashley finds Tim passed out, sawing all kinds of logs. Ashley decides to send Tim home.
-LOLz to the creepy opera music when Jeff is standing on the balcony. Jeff basically gives the whole plot line behind Mr. Personality as the reason why he's wearing the mask.
-JP flosses every day. His nickname at work is "cupcake." Ashley wants her nickname from her significant other to be "cupcake."
-Time to confront Bentley. He could not be any less interested in Ashley if he tried, but of course Ashley is falling hook, line and sinker for him.
-Time to hand out the First Impression Rose, which goes to Ryan P..He could not be more excited. I think it's cute.

Rose Ceremony

Receiving Roses: Ryan P. (First Impression Rose), Jeff, Constantine, Ben F., Lucas, Stephen, Matt, Nick, Chris D., Ryan M., Blake, Mickey, Ben C., West, William, JP, Ames, Bentley
Sent Home: Tim (eliminated before the RC began), Frank, Jon, Anthony, Michael, Rob, Chris M....Sorry boys, somebody has to go home first. But that's okay because none of us remembered your names anyway! Well, except maybe for Tim but that's for all the wrong reasons, right?

Season Preview
Flash mobs! Vegas! Boat rides! Traveling around the world! Elephants! How does one solve a problem like Bentley? Or what about the mask?

LOLz at William's impression of drunk Tim and Ahhhnold.

The Bachelorette returns to its normal time slot of 8pmEST next week!

The Bachelorette Returns! May 23rd on ABC

2011-05-10T15:13:00.004-04:00

Who's excited? As always, I will be right there to offer my sometimes clever, always random thoughts on Bachelorette Ashley and her man-brood.

First things first, what's with the mask dude? Trying to bring back Mr. Personality are we? There's a reason that show tanked.

BTW, the Zorro wanna-be is this guy...Jeff something or other.

Yeah, now try sleeping with that looking at you. You're welcome. I don't want to count my chickens but I think we can cross crazy eyes here off the list of making it past the first Rose Ceremony. Just sayin'...

The two-hour premier is May 23rd from 9-11pm Eastern time. The show goes back to it's normal time of 8-10pm Eastern time the following week.

Pomp and Circumstance

2011-04-29T11:38:00.006-04:00

Hurrah! All hail the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge! Or as everyone who isn't a royal will call them, Prince William and Princess Catherine.

If you are one of the many who got up at 4am Eastern time to watch the royal wedding, to you I say, "You are hard-core." The only thing I was viewing at 4am was the inside of my eyelids. Thanks to DVR, I can now watch and re-watch the royal wedding at my leisure.

First things first, can we please discuss how GORG Kate's dress was? I immediately got flashes of Grace Kelly in her wedding dress. It was sophisticated, elegant, romantic and modern all wrapped in one. I'm not usually one who thinks sleeves are a good idea on a wedding dress, but it totally worked on Kate. I think the fact that the lace was so elegant and sheer made it doable. I also loved that she chose a smaller tiara, which didn't overshadow or weigh down the dress...or her head. However, she totally looked like she was going to vomit at any second at several points during the ceremony.

How can one blame her. It was worse than the State of the Union, where everyone claps after each statement. After every sentence, they would pray, sing or do both. I didn't think any wedding ceremony could get longer than a Greek Orthodox wedding, but sadly I was mistaken. Although, they're royals so who cares what I think, right?

Oh, and can someone please tell me why Pippa was wearing an ivory dress? I didn't think anyone but the bride was allowed to wear anything from the white family of colors. Apparently Pippa decided on the dress and no one knew about it until the day of the wedding. Party foul. I would have good all bridezilla on her.

Now let's talk hats and wedding fashion. Fancy is really not that word I would use to describe some of the hats worn at the royal wedding. Actually, I'm really not sure what word is appropriate.

I get that hats are a big thing in England, but really? The creepy bow hat looks like something out of a Tim Burton film. I'm sure Helena Bohnam Carter would approve.

Oh dear. The hat I'm okay with, it's the dress that is a little...rough.

I found the lost member of the Blue Man Group! Joan Rivers is going to have a field day with this ensemble.

Moving right along...Who didn't love the balcony kiss? When I get married one day, I'm totally having a balcony kiss moment. What girl doesn't?

Props to Kate for handing Wills her bouquet, hiking up her skirt and getting out of the carriage on her own. Woman power.

Oh to be a fly on the wall at the receptions...because they're having two you know. I bet Prince Charles is totally going to get jiggy with it. Na na na na na na. You're welcome.

Yes, it really is a victory for us commoner gals everywhere. (Of course, since I'm related to Queen Victoria, I'm not sure what ratio of royal blood to common-ness that I can claim.) So, fear not single ladies of the world! To you I say:

Sure he's a bit of a wild-child and sure he may be a ginger, but he's got that whole playful, bad boy vibe going on and what girl doesn't like that? The great Harry-Hunt of 2011 begins!

Songs of Summer

2011-04-26T15:29:00.005-04:00

Here are the songs I am loving right now. *Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to these songs, nor do I know anyone involved with them, at least not to my knowledge anyway...so yea, don't sue me.

Matthew Morrison: Summer Rain

Thomson Square: Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not

Jake Owen: Barefoot Blue Jean Night
This song makes me want to sit on the beach with a cold beverage, while enjoying a bonfire. If Jake Owen could be there strumming his guitar, that would be awesome.

Pistol Annies: Hell On Heels
A Miranda Lambert kick-butt girl-group? Yes, please!

What are your favorite songs right now? Summer is right around the corner, so get those summer anthems ready!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

2011-04-10T16:28:00.002-04:00

Oh how I have missed you my sweet David Cook. New album set for a Fall debut. I think/hope. It's only been since 2008...far too long in my opinion.

The Bachelor: Brad Womack Ep. 8

2011-02-21T19:30:00.010-05:00

Or: Death Becomes Her

Chantal Hometown - Seattle, Washington

Chantal comes from the land of former Bachelor, Jason Mesnick and his former reject-now-wife, Molly. Chantal lives four streets away from her parents, with her two cats and one dog. I love my parents but my rule is to live close enough to visit but far enough away that they can't just show up...and four streets away is "show up just 'cause" close.

Chantal's dog is adorbs, veen though I'm more of a cat person. Although I would never allow my cat to have a bed on the kitchen counter. Unsanitary. Brad wants to be bff's with Boca the dog. I can see him walking Boca the t-shirt wearing dog down the street...so manly.

Chantal says that the last time she told her parents she was in love with someone, was her ex-husband. Uh oh, run Brad, run. Hey, what a nice huge house you have. I wonder if they have money? I wonder if Chantal's mom has had some work done?

Chantal's dad tells Brad about this statue he has, which somehow mirrors self-made men. Brad discovers that he and Dad are pretty much the same man. So Chantal will pretty much be marrying her dad. And given that Brad is a good 10 years older than her, it's not that far of a stretch.

Dad gives Brad his blessing to marry Chantal in their wine room. They have a wine room, not a cellar, but a room...for their wine.

Ashley Hometown - Madawaska, Maine

Hey, did you know that Madawaska, Maine is the northern most town in the United States? Did you even know Madawaska existed before today? Because I didn't. Ashley explains that a lot of people speak French in her town.

The waitress asks Brad a question in French and Brad answers her in Spanish. HAHA
Me: Que? Mon ami?

Ashley makes Brad eat fries covered in cheese and gravy. Sounds healthy. Ashley spots a crown on one of Brad's teeth. She would. Her town has a fresh fruit and vegetable stand that has a box you drop the money in, on the honor system. That would not fly in Columbus, Ohio.

Ashley's family is very bubbly. Ashley's sister has a lot of tatoos. Dad and Brad are rocking the matching plaid shirts. Ashley tells Brother, Sister and Mom that she needs to know more about Brad before she would accept a proposal. Holy crap, an actual level-headed female on this show?! Brad is worried he's going to hold Ashley back, meaning he wants the woman to make him a sammich and bore him some kids, not be ambitious and have a career.

Shawntel Hometown - Chico, California

Um, hello commercial for Shawntel's family's funeral home. I hope ABC paid them nicely for that.
Brad: I missed Shawntel. I'm excited to see her
Me: Now once more. With feeling this time.

Shawntel takes Brad on a tour of her family's funeral home. She proceeds to have Brad lay on the embalming table and show him how to embalm a body. They also discuss death and how Brad isn't comfortable with it. Note to single ladies: If you want to land a man, you should, under no circumstances, do this on a date. Unless you're both into that sort of thing.

Now it's time to meet the family. Dad wants Shawntel to stay in Chico and take over the family business. After getting a talking to, Dad concedes and gives Brad and Shawntel his (half-hearted) blessing. Shawntel tells Brad she loves him before he leaves.

Emily Hometown - Charlotte, North Carolina

Emily has an emotional reunion with her daughter, Ricki. She tells Ricki that she brought a friend home to meet her. Ricki goes into "shy kid mode" and hides behind Emily. Brad gives Ricki a kite. First, Ricki is having none of Brad, but eventually warms up when they attempt to fly the kite Brad got her.

Back at Emily's house, Ricki runs immediately to her room. She, Brad and Emily hang out in Ricki's room and play board games. Emily gives Brad a picture Ricki drew for him.

Emily finally gets some alone time with Brad when Ricki goes to sleep. Brad doesn't want to be affectionate with Emily because Ricki is upstairs sleeping. Um, Brad? What are you going to do if you and Emily end up together? Emily isn't buying it. She and Brad discuss this and she eventually gets her affection before Brad leaves.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley
Emily
Chantal

Shawntel is sent home. Well, at least we won't have to hear last name initials next week.

Next week... Brad and the ladies travel to South Africa for the exotic overnight dates.

The Bachelor: Brad Womack Ep. 7

2011-02-14T18:57:00.007-05:00

Or: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Brad and his harem travel to the tropical paradise of Anguilla this week. Two things are certain: there will be tears and two ladies will be sent home. My psychic powers are in good form tonight.

Host Chris greets the ladies att their villa. He informs them that there will be three 1-1 dates and one group date. There will be no roses on the 1-1 dates, but there will be a rose on the group date. The woman who gets that rose will be taking Brad home to meet their family. The first 1-1 date goes to Emily.

Emily 1-1

Brad takes Emily in a helicopter. Wow, lots of helicopter transportation this season, eh? He takes her to a private island. And the helicopter leaves. Panic sets in. The island looks like it could be swallowed up in the sea water at any point in time.

Brad and Emily have awkward silence time. Brad claims that she makes him nervous. But somehow the moon and sun align, or something, and the day is perfect. Um, okay.

At dinner, Brad asks Emily if she would allow him to meet her daughter. Emily sighs deeply and explains that she's protective of her daughter and doesn't want to confuse her. This is the point in the relationship when Emily starts to pull away from men she dates. To calm her fears, Brad tells Emily that she will be getting a rose at the next Rose Ceremony.
Me: You rebel, you.

Shawntel 1-1

Brad and Shawntel ride bikes through a town called Ebenezer, as in "bah humbug." They then go to a Farmers Market, which coincidentally is Shawntel's idea of a perfect date. They dance through the streets and play a rousing game of dominos. A woman named Auntybee questions Brad and Shawntel about their love. All the makings of a perfect date indeed..

Aw, cute baby goats.

Shawntel sure likes her Flashdance, off the shoulder shirts/dresses. Brad likes kissing in the rain. they are treated to a concert by the most famous singer in Anguilla, of who I didn't catch the name. Then they go swimming in the ocean where we catch a glimpse of the ridiculously huge tramp stamp on Shawntel. I mean, really, that thing was monstrous.

Britt 1-1

Brad picks up Britt in a yacht. Brad takes Britt to a place called Little Bay where they're going to go cliff jumping. Sounds safe.

Brad questions whether or not he sees a future with Britt. At dinner, Brad realizes that there is no romantic spark between them. Although there is no rose on the date, Brad decides to send Britt home. A dingy (really?!) comes to pick up Britt where she has to go back to the villa and pack her belongings.

Group Date

Brad wakes the ladies up at the butt-crack of dawn. They are told that they are going to be doing a photo shoot for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Ashley is the first to take her top off, covered by two sea shells. Chantal, who swears she feels fat today and isn't the model type, gets right into character. She also takes off her top. Brad, ever the gentleman, looks away. Michelle, who has done some modeling, rolls around in the sand with Brad.

Brad thinks that the date is not going well and that it's only going to get worse. Uh, you think? The common demoninator in all these situations is Michelle.

Ashley feels disconnected. Brad spends a lot of time reassuring her about his feelings. Chantal also feels disconnected from Brad. She spends a lot of time reassuring Brad of her feelings for him. Brad and Michelle discuss their deep conversations and how scary Michelle is.

Brad gives the date rose to Ashley, much to the chagrin of Michelle and Chantal. Michelle shoot daggers out of her eyes and Chantal bursts into tears. Chantal wants to be sent home if he can't choose her out of three girls. And on that note...

Rose Ceremony
Brad tells Host Chris that he doesn't need a cocktail party to decide who he's giving roses to.

Ashley (Group Date Rose)
Emily
Shawntell
Chantal

Michelle is sent home. She pretty much gives Brad the silent treatment all the way to the limo. She also gives the limo people the silent treatment and lays down across the seat. Good riddance.

Next week...Each of the four remaining women take Brad to their hometowns to meet their family and friends.

The Bachelor: Brad Womack, Ep. 4

2011-01-24T18:58:00.007-05:00

Or: Bachelor Rehab with Dr. Drew

Michelle wakes up with a black eye. She has no idea how she got it. She thinks she deserves the first 1-1 date and will make Brad kiss her eye. This, of course, will instantly cure her black eye. Much to her chagrin, Chantal gets the first 1-1 date. Side note: I really want Chantal's pink suitcase. It's super cute.

The running theories on how Michelle got her black eye? Michelle thinks it's stress-induced (I Googled this claim. Not possible. Sorry.). Alli more or less says Michelle did it to herself for attention. Ashley S. wishes she would have been the one to give it to Michelle, along with ripping her head off. Don't we all...

Chantal's 1-1

A helicopter lands at the mansion to take Brad and Chantal to their date location. They are going to Catalina Island. Brad tells Chantal that they are going to walk on the ocean floor. Chantal reveals that she is petrified of water, but is willing to overcome her fears with Brad's help. Hmm, sounds a lot like the Jake/Vienna bridge jump eh? Oh the parallels you paint ABC.

Side note: I wish Brad would stop using initials when referring to Chantal and Shawntel. They pronounce their names differently. There is no need for last name initials. Here, let me show you: Chantal (Chan-tall), Shawntel (Shawn-tell). See?

Back at the house...The group date card arrives. It is for Ashley S., Stacey, Lindsey, Meghan, Alli, Lisa, Ashley H., Jackie. Michelle plans to give Brad his own black eye, should she not get the last 1-1 date.

Chantal says about four times that she married (and divorced) her high school sweetheart so she didn't date at all and that she doesn't know what she's doing. Um, okay. She assures Brad that she does want to get married again.

Back at the house...Poor Ashley S. She must have the type of personality that every girl in the house feels like she is the one they must spill their guts and cry to.

Chantal apologizes for slapping Brad on the first night. Brad likes the playfulness between them. As the good-luck rain pours down, Brad offers Chantal the date rose, which she accepts.
Brad: You better accept the damn rose. Now shut up and kiss me...
Me:...You fool.

Group Date

The girls are attending and participating in Dr. Drew's radio show, Loveline. Brad has learned to open up in therapy, so now it's the girls' turn.

Brad meets with Dr. Drew first and tells him that he wants to find out if he's compatible with one, or all, of the ladies. 'Cause if he's not...you know what will happen.

Now the ladies join Brad and Dr. Drew in the studio. We learn: All the girls are physically attracted to Brad and he has NEVER cheated but Stacey has. Uh, I want some real juicy dirt Dr. Drew! Sordid secrets!

Meghan wants to know what Brad's type is. He responds with he knows exactly wants but doesn't have a type. How does that make any sense? Ashley is afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. Brad tells her not to do that because she'll regret it. Britt says that she really likes Brad but feels like he doesn't know her because she only gets a few minutes here and there with him. He says that she needs to please give him a chance to make time to get to know her, because he feels the same way as she does.

Brad takes the ladies to his pad for the after party. Anoyone get R.Kelly's Remix to Ignition pop into their heads? Each girl gets about half a minute with Brad before someone else comes and steals him away. Ashley H. starts to freak out.

Back at the house...The last 1-1 date card arrives. Hooray! It's for Michelle. Finally I can stop hearing about it. Chantal brings up the face that all the date cards, except Michelle's, have had the word "love" in them. Marissa, Emily and Shawntel do not get a date this week.

Britt finally gets her alone time with Brad. He wants to know that he can fit into her everyday life. Britt says she gets shy and nervous around someone that she has a crush on. Brad shuts her up with a kiss. Ashley H. freaks out some more about getting some face time with him on the date. She lurks behind Brad and Britt. She tells Brad that she's never experienced all these emotions before and is starting to pull away from Brad. He says that he knows what he has to do to get her back. He goes for the rose.

Brad starts to give the rose to Ashley H. but then she opens her mouth, negativity spews and Brad gives the rose to Britt instead.

Michelle's 1-1

Michelle is not going to let her black eye rain on her date parade. However, Ashley H.'s drama will. Brad pulls her aside before taking off with Michelle. He wants to discuss the happenings from the night before. He is scared they're going to lose the connection they formed on their first date. Ashley is having difficulty dealing with her emotions but feels like her talk with Brad will give her the strength to go on. Just like her heart will go on. Or so Celine Dion once told me.

Michelle is mad that Ashley H. is taking time away from her date. Chantal thinks that Michelle also did the same thing on their PSA group date.

Brad takes Michelle to his pad where a helicopter shows up. It lands on top of a skyscraper. Brad tells her that they are going to repel down the side of the building to the poool where they're going to have dinner. There's one problem: Michelle is afraid of heights. Of course she is. With a kiss from Brad, Michelle is able to conquer her fear.

Brad think Michelle is a mature woman. HA, just wait til he sees and hears all the crazy stuff she did while she wasn't around him. Michelle doesn't see Brad with any of the woman, except her. Of course she does. Brad gives Michelle the date rose.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Brad again meets with his LA therapist. Future wife beware! Brad will need to meet with a therapist before each major life step. You've been warned.

Is he really wearing the same lilac shirt he's worn the past three weeks? Variety is the spice of life Brad. You should try it, with your shirt selections.

Brad pulls Emily away and surprises her with a picnic. The rest of the ladies are not pleased. Chantal takes it the worst. Emily tells Brad she left little presents and notes for her daughter for every day she's gone.

Chantal tells Brad that she feels like he's making connections with girls that are emotionally unstable. *Cough* Michelle *Cough* Brad loves everything about Chantal and the fact that she's nothing like every girl he's ever dated.

Rose Ceremony
Chantal (1-1 Date Rose)
Britt (Group Date Rose)
Michelle (1-1 Date Rose)
Ashley S.
Alli
Emily
Shawntel
Lisa
Jackie
Marissa
Ashley H.

Meghan, Stacey and Lindsey are sent home.

Next week...Las Vegas bound! Fireworks! Cirque de Solei! Nascar! Everyone cries! Wait, does anyone else find it cruel that Emily has to go on the Nascar date considering her deceased finace was a Nascar driver?

The Bachelor: Brad Womack, Ep. 3

2011-01-17T19:02:00.011-05:00

Or: Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting

Chris Harrison gathers the ladies for their daily meeting that explain the dates, in case they forgot over a span of three days. With that, the first date card is handed out. Ashley S. is the recipient. Michelle, of course, is perturbed. According to her, Brad needs a real woman, which she thinks she is. Watch out Michelle, you'll get frown lines with all that pouting you're doing.

Ashley S. 1-1 Date

I found out that the car Brad is driving around is an Aston Martin, aka James Bond's car of choice. Hot.

Brad takes Ashley to Capitol Records where he tells her that they're going to record Seal's hit "Kiss From A Rose." Ashley reveals that this song was her dad's favorite (her dad passed away within the last couple years). She thinks that he would be jealous if he knew they were recording their own version of the song. Brad and Ashley start singing and I think I just heard Simon Cowell groan. Don't quit your day job folks.

Now that they've tortured my ear drums, Brad has a surprise for Ashley. It's Seal singing this season's theme song. Everytime I hear this song, I think of the Batman movie. Seal then sings another song. Not an attractive man that Seal. Maybe if I close my eyes...yep, that's better.

Now it's time for a roof top dinner. Ashley opens up to Brad about the death of her father and the significance of the Seal song they just sang. Ashley recieves the date rose. They then slow dance the night away.

Group Date

The group date is for Lindsey, Shawntel, Alli, Britt, Kimberly, Sarah, Chantal, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacey, Marissa and Michelle. Brad starts telling the ladies about their date and then explosions and bad guys start beating Brad up. The look of some of the girls faces were priceless.
Me: Psst...it's not real.

Brad tells them that they are going to be making their own action adventure movie. The ladies practice their hi-yah moves. Alli thinks pit stains are not hot. Who does?

Back at the house...The last date card arrives. Emily is the lucky recipient. This means that Madison, Meghan and Jackie are left dateless this week. Emily worries about telling Brad about a part of her past.

Each of the ladies get to star in their own stunt scene. Michelle wishes that the ninja guys would kidnap the other girls so she can have Brad all to herself. Shawntel kicks ass and takes names. Michelle talks about kissing fireworks again.

Now it's time for, what else, an after party. Chantal cries through her alone time with Brad. Chantal reveals that she hasn't spoken to her real father since she was nine and when she went to contact him, she found out that he had passed away.

Back at the house...Emily tells the girls that she's nervous about telling Brad about her daughter. She reveals the tragic story of her fiancee's passing and that she found out she was pregnant shortly after his death.

Alli gets some alone time with Brad and Michelle creepily watches from a couple feet away. With that, Brad ushers Alli off. Michelle finally gets her time and her kiss. Where are the fireworks Michelle? you promised us them and didn't deliver. I shake my head at you.

Brad presents the group date rose to Shawntel. The movie that they all filmed earlier in the day then plays while they all look on. Michelle is too worried about making babies in Tahiti with Brad to watch the movie.

Emily 1-1 Date

Brad picks up Emily and takes her to an airport. They are taking a private jet to their destination. Brad drives a vintage yellow sports car through wine country to a picnic location in a vineyard.

Back at the house...Ashley S. and Madison discuss whether or not Emily will open up to Brad. Madison gets emotional.

Brad tries to get Emily to open up to him, which shuts her down. Brad wants to know about past relationships and why her one long-term, serious relationship didn't work out. Emily shuts down which causes Brad to question whether or not they'll work out.

They then go to dinner in a barn. Emily finally opens up to Brad about her fiancee and her daughter. *Tears* Emily recieves the date rose.

What you didn't get to see was that they date wasn't all serious. Brad and Emily actually flew kites in the vineyard. Not sure why that wasn't shown...oh yes I do, because it didn't fit in the serious storyline of the date. Touche ABC.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Brad meets with a therapist. Brad needs to talk about being vulnerable and letting go. Uh, you think? I'm pretty sure these were two major issues the first time around.

Michelle feels confident that she'll get a rose. The bow on Alli's dress is eating her shoulder. Brad puts his therapy to use when he apologizes to Chantal for not opening up to her when she did for him. Cue Michelle.
Michelle: You and I are kind of in a fight. Like it's our first fight.
She wants Brad to explain himself for kissing other girls.
Me: Uh, he's the Bachelor. It's in his contract. And he's a straight male.

Madison takes out her fangs and tells Brad that she feels like she wants to leave because she feels like she'd be taking time away from other girls who already are invested in him. Brad tells her if he offers her a rose and she doesn't want it, then don't accept it.

Ashley H. starts to pull away from Brad and Brad kisses her to make sure that she feels secure in how he feels about her. Well, okay then.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley S. (1-1 Date Rose)
Shawntel (Group Date Rose)
Emily (1-1 Date Rose)
Michelle
Chantal

Madison abruptly exits the Rose Ceremony. She tells Brad that she wants to leave. She wouldn't feel right if she got a rose instead of someone else who wanted to be there. Brad is disappointed because he wanted to get to know her. Brad makes a PSA statement about the down side to keeping your guard up.

Lisa
Jackie
Ashley H.
Marissa
Britt
Alli
Lindsey
Meghan
Stacey

Kimberly and Sarah, along with Madison who eliminated herself, are sent home.

Next week...
Chantal gets a 1-1 date. Dr. Drew! Make out sessions! Ashley H. freaks out! Michelle and Chantal don't like each other. Michelle has a mysterious black eye!

The Bachelor: Brad Womack, Ep. 2

2011-01-10T19:19:00.013-05:00

Or: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

Chris Harrison explains how the dates/date cards will work. After 20+ seasons, I'm pretty sure everyone knows. Melissa explains that she wants the date badly, for reals, because she's been trying to get on the show for eight years, spent a fortune on dresses and quit her job. If this was Twitter and I was trying to start a trending topic, I'd hashtag that last sentence with #wtf and #desperate.

Much to Melissa's chagrin, Ashley H. gets the first 1-1 date.

Ashley H. 1-1 Date

Brad, looking spiffy in a lavender shirt, picks Ashley up in a fancy lil sports car. Suddenly Brad turns the car onto a deserted dirt road. OMG, it's like the makings of a horror movie.
Ashley H: It feels like something out of a horror movie.
Me: Hey, I just said that.
Luckily for Ashley, she and Brad flip a switch and a carnival scene bursts to life. Everyone loves a good carnie. *Shudder*
They play games and ride (probably unsafe) rides.

Back at the house...A date card arrives. It's for Keltie, Chantal, Madison, Kimberly, Melissa, Marissa, Raichel, Britt, Meghan, Emily, Stacey, Alli, Shawntel, Michelle and Lisa. Michelle is perturbed that she has to spend her birthday on a group date.

Brad thinks Ashley is the total package. She and Brad share a kiss. Ashley tells Brad that she's very ambitious and needs to stand on her own two feet in case something would happen(ie Brad dumps her). She shares that her dad had problems with addiction and was never around. Brad then opens up to Ashley about his daddy issues. She fears that Brad will feel obligated to choose someone this time around. Brad says he doesn't need redemption and won't waste her time. Ashley receives the date rose.

Group Date

Brad and the ladies are shooting PSA's for the American Red Cross, in hopes of getting people to donate blood. Each girl is given a skit and a costume. Keltie is given a manly costume while Madison is dressed like a dominatrix. Michelle continues to lament about her birthday and that she just knows that someone is going to piss her off.

One skit is in the tele-novela style, with Brad sporting some chest hair and a 'stach only Tom Selleck circa 1973 could be proud of.
Britt is nervous about her skit because she has to make out with Brad. She then says that she a goodie-two-shoes and a prude. Cut to Britt mauling Brad with her mouth.
Michelle: It's my birthday. When I kiss Brad, fireworks are going to go off, probably right behind us.
Me: Why are all Michelle's cast on this show batt-poo crazy?

Brad takes the ladies to the Roosevelt for an after party. Melissa begins to unravel and has beef with Raichel for some reason only to known to them.

Back at the house...The last 1-1 date card arrives. It's for Jackie, which means that Ashley S., Lindsey, Sarah don't get a date this week.

Brad gives out the rose to Michelle because he felt like she put herself out there and because...help me out here...it's her birthday. Maybe now she'll shut up about it.

Jackie 1-1 Date

Brad picks Jackie up in his fancy lil sports car. Brad says that the date is Jackie's own "Pretty Woman" experience. You mean, she has to be a hooker, get glared at by mean department store ladies and then Richard Gere is going to fall in love with her? No?

Brad first takes Jackie to a hotel for a spa treatment and then to a room where she gets to pick out a dress and shoes. Wait, so she got her pick of dresses and picked the one that makes her look like draperies? Uh, that's not the point of this date Jackie. Brad gives her some Neil Lane jewels to class it up a bit.

Brad takes Jackie to the Hollywood Bowl for dinner. She tells Brad that she's only had two boyfriends, which freaks Brad out because she reminds him of himself. She assures him that she's in this journey for real. Brad wants to give it a shot with Jackie so he gives her the date rose.

His next surprise for her a a private concert by my least favorite band, Train. I hate the "Drops of Jupiter" song and I hate the "Hey Soul Sister" song. Please don't let them sing that, please don't let them sing that...YES, victory! Sorry, I did not want that in my head whilst I slumber. Because it.does.not.go.away.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Brad is wearing his lavender shirt from Ashley H.'s date for this Rose Ceremony. Must be because he only brought that little suitcase. Michelle pulls Brad away for some alone time.
Sarah: What is she doing? She already has a rose.
Lindsey: Well, maybe she needs to ask him something pressing.
Michelle (to Brad): Do you prefer Starbucks or the Coffee Bean?

Melissa and Raichel continue to cat-fight. Melissa talks to Brad about being targeted by Raichel. And then she starts talking about eating four slices of pizza with onions and peppers and having pizza-breath. Raichel then talks about being at odds with Melissa. You could tell Brad was mentally visualizing himself jumping off a bridge.

Chris Harrison interrupts the cocktail party and tells the ladies that they've put Brad through the ringer about his past and says that the tables have turned. It's time to find out who is here for the right reasons and who isn't. He then brings in Bachelorette golden couple, Ali and Roberto. With their help, Brad is going to be giving out a rose before the Rose Ceremony.

With Ali and Roberto's help, Brad gives the rose to Emily.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley H. (1-1 Date Rose)
Michelle (Group Date Rose)
Jackie (1-1 Date Rose)
Emily (Ali/Roberto Rose)
Chantal
Sarah
Alli
Kimberly
Shawntel
Stacey
Ashley S.
Madison
Lisa
Marissa
Meghan
Lindsey
Britt

Hooray! Quarrel sisters, Raichel and Melissa are sent packing. Save the drama fo yo mama!

Next week...Explosions! Bad singing! Seal! Kiss from a rose! Confusion! Sudden exiting!

The Bachelor: Brad Womack Season 2, Ep. 1

2011-01-03T19:53:00.011-05:00

Or: Hey, what's your blood type?

Those of you hoping to see boy-wonder, Chris Lambton, from Ali's season of The Bachelorette, think again! Instead we have Brad Womack, back for a second shot at love. Remember him? He rejected both of the final two women and henceforth went into hiding because (almost) every woman in America thought he was a d-bag. But never fear women of America! Brad has gone through intensive therapy and is a recovering commitment-phobe...or at least, that's what his contract says!

Even though I was shocked that Brad didn't pick anyone, even to try to date, the first time around, I have to give him kudos for not picking someone and proposing just because. And at least he's realized that he had commitment issues, which I totally called after his first season ended. Your welcome, Brad.

Um, and he's really ridiculously good-looking. Cue the gratuitous shirtless scenes.

Before Brad can meet the 30 women who will fight to the death for a rose, he must first face some tough questions from Chris Harrison. He's no Brian Williams, but Harrison knows how to get to the core of the issues. I call him the male version of Oprah. I want tear, Harrison! Make him cry!

Harrison surprises Brad with a visit from his scorned lovers, Jenni and DeAnna. Side note: Jenni is now married and DeAnna is engaged and is getting married soon so I think it's safe to say that they're both over Brad. But an apology is nice all the same I guess.

Now it's time to meet the ladies. You know they were all "Oh, hell to the nah" to they found out that Brad was their Bachelor. Go go gadget Kasey. I mean, who else is going to guard and protect hearts?

Chantal: She doesn't need a Kasey to guard and protect her heart, she has her hand, seeing as how she slapped Brad...on behalf of every woman in America. Brad likey.

Kimberly: Has concerns about Brad.

Alli: More than willing to give Brad a chance.

Ashley S.: Thinks Brad is a tall drink of water. Not gonna hate on Brad, but is going to squeeze his tush.

Meghan: Brad likes her hot pink shoes. *Eyebrow raise*

Marissa: Her life revolves around sports. I want her dress.

Lindsey: Uh, don't really remember anything of note.

Ashley H.: Is a hugger and a dentist. Not going to be on my friend's favorite list seeing as how she hates the dentist. :)

Raichel: Almost hyperventilates.

Madison: Tells Brad he looks delicious. I'm scared.

Melissa: Runs and jumps into Brad's arms. Lame.

Renee: From Chi-car-go.

Cristy: Brad wants her to know that he is a changed man. Amen.

Jackie: Makes Brad pinkie-swear that they won't break each other's hearts. Don't go breaking my heart. I couldn't if I tried. Oh honey when I get restless. Baby you're not that kind.

Sarah P.: Makes Brad get down on one knee and propose. See, that wasn't so hard.

Lacey: Uh, I got nothing.

Lauren: Hopes history won't repeat itself.

Lisa P.: Wants advice about being on the show...from Brad...

Shawntel: Trying not to fall. Here's a hint, wear shoes you can walk in. Thinks Brad looks good.

Britnee: Makes Brad come to her. Woman power. Man, make me a sammich.

Stacey: Pretends not to know who Brad is.

Jill: Ready to get married. Clock is ticking. Tick tock.

Lisa M.: Wearing ruby slipper heels. I want.

Rebecca: Kisses Brad. Definitely not getting a rose.

J: Seriously? Who goes by just an initial. Who does that to their kid? I'm looking at you Jason Lee and the child you call Pilot Inspektor.

Keltie: A Radio City Rockette. That explains the high kicks out of the limo.

Sarah L.: Can't snap her fingers. That's embarassing.

Emily: Was engaged to NASCAR driver Ricky Hendricks, who died in an airplane crash. they have a child together. Southern belle.

Britt: Made Brad some cookies because it's the way to a man's heart. So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years.

Michelle: Also a single mom. It's safe to say that Brad is blown away by Michelle's looks. I hope she keeps that slit in her dress in check.

Brad lets the ladies in on the fact that he's been the Bachelor before (for those that pretend to not know the story *eye roll*) and if anyone wants to leave, now is the time. No one leaves. However, everyone grills him about how he's changed, ect. Cue montage of Brad saying the same thing over and over and over. It's like a blooper reel, only not as funny.

Ashley S. wants to give Brad the benefit of the doubt and let bygones be bygones. She's the only one who hasn't, thus far, questioned Brad's past.

Harrison brings out the First Impression Rose.

One of the girls manscapes Brad's wrist.
Brad: I don't want my package waxed at all.

Awakward moment: Someone made up a song for Brad.

Alli asks Brad if she is too bootylicious for him because an ex-boyfriend broke up with her because he wanted less junk in the trunk. Alli and Renee then engage in a battle for Brad's attention. Which neither wins. You know what I think? If Brad wanted to talk to Renee or Alli he would have told the other girls to hold their britches.

Brad: Are you wearing fangs? Are they real?
Madison: Does that bother you?
Me: Yes.
Okay, I love Vampire Diaries and True Blood as much as the next person, but that's just weird. And creepy. And weird.

Michelle thinks Brad needs a woman, not a girl. But what if you're not a girl, not yet a woman? HA, couldn't resist.

Brad gives the First Impression Rose to Ashley S. He likes that she opened up to him and is a genuine, sweet girl.

20 women remain after the Rose Ceremony: Ashley S. (First Impression Rose), Michelle, Kimberly, Madison, Emily, Raichel, Keltie, Ashley H., Meghan, Lisa M., Lindsey, Alli, Sarah P., Marissa, Britt, Stacey, Shawntel, Jackie, Melissa, Chantal

My favorites after the first night are: Ashley H., Ashley S., and Emily

See you next week for another recap of another exciting episode of The Bachelor!

And OMG we get a theme song this season too! Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." But this song is at least not as annoying.

What's your favorite Christmas special?

2010-12-10T10:22:00.005-05:00

Have you ever thought, "Hey, I wonder what my favorite Christmas special might say about me and the type of person I am?" You haven't? Well, in case you were curious, Newsweek breaks it down for you here: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/12/06/frosty-vs-rudolph-what-christmas-specials-say.all.html

Mine is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

"Some aspect of your life, whether it be your looks, education, or career path, has left you feeling pathologically insecure. You are constantly seeking the approval of others through invitations to their little "games." At work, you feel underappreciated, overused, and taken for granted, whether your feelings are warranted or not (since you do spend a lot of time gabbing around cubicles). People who love this show tend to feel loved only for what they can do for other people, not for their personality, and are often in the performing arts or finance. If you weren't struggling so hard not to feel sorry for yourself and worrying about appearing über-normal, your true talents would shine through and you'd be famous even without your fat red boss calling the shots."

I was in the performing arts in high school and I currently work in finance. And I totally feel underappreciated, overused and taken for granted at work. Oh Newsweek, it's like you can read my mind! But for the record, I don't stand around and gab at cubicles all day...that's most of my co-workers.

Bonus: There's a student where I work who sounds just like Hermie the elf.

Wonderful Wednesdays

2010-12-08T14:21:00.006-05:00

Who's excited for The Bachelor: Brad Womack Part Duex? It premiers on ABC on January 3, 2011. I am excited for this...well, I will be if Time Warner doesn't decide to drop coverage of ABC and FOX on January 1. I will be royally annoyed. No more The Bachelor...Desperate Housewives...Grey's Anatomy...or (gasp) Glee?! This will not stand!

Anywho, been watching the Sing-Off? It's pretty awesome. I do enjoy some good a-capella-ing every once in a while. Out of the eight groups left, there really isn't one group that I don't like...okay, well maybe the group with the father and daughter. And maybe the group of old guys fronted by the one old guy who used to be in a Motown group. I think my favorites right now are the Whiffenpoofs (mostly because I like saying their name and they wear dapper penguin suits) and Committed.
Oh, and I love that Shawn Stockman (of Boyz II Men fame) loves him some altos (because I am one).

Who didn't get misty-eyed when watching A Very Glee Christmas last night? The part where Santa (aka Coach Beist) left those legs under Brittany's tree which helped Artie walk...so touching. And who doesn't love the Who's from Whoville song?

To anyone that doesn't, I say:

A big 32nd Birthday shout-out goes to Ian Somerhalder. You can tweet him @iansomerhalder. You know, I'm amazed at how dirty that sounds. Or maybe I just have a gutter-mind. Either way, I could stare at those baby blues 24/7, 365. Oh, and he's a cat lover. I think he may be the perfect man, if one exists. Now how to get him to Ohio...

PS: Is it inappropriate if I put this as my desktop background at work?

Bookworm City

2010-10-13T13:54:00.007-04:00

I went to dinner with a friend last evening and afterward I passed a Barnes & Noble on my home. I decided to take a look and see what books were new and what specials they had going on (bad decision). They had many a paperback book on sale Buy 2 Get 1 Free. Needless to say, I left the store with a plethora of books. Oops.

see more Gifs

I bought the first four books in the "Dexter" series and "Devil In the White City" by Erik Larson. I'm excited to read them...eventually. I'm currently trying to work my way through Nora Roberts's latest "The Search". It's pretty good so far. I'll let you know once I finish it if it's a must-read or not.

As far as book series go, I'm a fan of the following:
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire series by Charlaine Harris
The Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts
The Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer (I don't refer to myself as a Twi-whatever though because just because I liked the books. Yes, I've seen the movies but the books are better. But I'm totally Team Edward, ya know, just in case you were wondering.)
Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants series

As far as individual authors go, the following as go-tos for me:
Agatha Christie
Philippa Gregory
Mary Higgina Clark
Dan Brown
James Patterson
I like other books by other authors, by these authors usually never disappoint me.

What about you all? What books do you recommend? Any book series that you can't get enough of?

He's baaaack.

2010-09-28T13:32:00.005-04:00

ABC is doing their part to "go green" by recycling Bachelors. In this case, one Brad Womack who famously dumped both finalists for his heart and then faced the wrath of Ellen Degeneres and was henceforth known as "America's Jerk." Personally, I think he's one of the more attractive Bachelors and he's got piercing blue eyes, southern charm/accent, and abs that rival Kiptyn.

As a fan of the show and a believer that you can find your soulmate/kindred spirit/romantic partner, ect anywhere, I was in turmoil about the outcome of Brad Womack: Season 1. On the one hand, I don't really see how anyone can have their pick of 25 men/women and not at least find someone they're interested enough in to date (no one said you had to propose). Give me a group of 25 guys and you can bet your bottom dollar I'll find someone who interests me enough to get to know more. Just make sure that group includes Chris L....and maybe David Cook, if he's available. On the other hand, I respected him for not just choosing someone for the sake of it, thus leading someone on. I don't really think he deserved all the hatred directed his way (it is just a tv show after all), but it was clear to just about everyone that the dude had some commitment issues.

I have to admit I had mixed feelings when I first heard Brad was going to get a second chance at finding love on the show. Most of these thoughts included the following: WTF?, WTH?, Say wha?
But I have to agree now with the likes of Trista Sutter and Reality Steve and say that it was probably a smart, genious move on ABC's part. As much hubaloo as Brad Womack: Season 1 caused in fan and media outcry, think of the stir it will cause the second time around. People will talk and I'm sure ratings will be through the roof. I mean, come on, you know everyone will want to know if we're going to have a repeat of the double-dumping. Brad even said on the Ellen show today that he'd choose no one again if he felt like it was the right decision for himself. However, he did also admit to his commitment issues and said that he's been going through therapy to deal with them.

News of Brad Womack: Season 2 had been spreading weeks prior to is unveiling on DWTS last night. Typically the newest Bachelor sits right next to host Chris Harrison during the show. To their credit, ABC decided to punk America and have Weatherman, from Ali's season, sitting next to Chris for most of the show. Twitter was all a-flutter with the news that Weatherman was the next Bachelor, which instantly made me feel sorry for the 25 women who got cast on that show. I had flashbacks to Ali's season and the awkwardness of the moments Weatherman had with Ali. Then I had flashbacks to Bachelor Pad and the awfulness of the kissing contest. While the snarky blogger in me rejoiced, the normal human being part of me was about to blow chunks at the thought. Luckily for me, and the 25 women on the next season of the Bachelor, Weather was only there as a decoy/seat warmer.

Brad Womack: Season 2 starts filming within the next couple of weeks and will premier in January of 2011.

Thought of the day.

2010-09-20T10:56:00.001-04:00

Not really a thought, but as a James Bond fan, I find this photo hilarious...If you're a James Bond fan, maybe you'll appreciate it too.

Hey, remember this guy?

2010-09-20T10:37:00.003-04:00

I was watching 30 Days of Night this past weekend (which is a very strange movie) and I couldn't help but wonder what in the world happened to this mysterious, often brooding, leading man. By the way, I'm told this movie is strange because it was based off a very dark and twisted comic book.

You'll remember Josh from such classics as 40 Days and 40 Nights, Black Hawk Down, Pearl Harbor, The Faculty, Halloween: H2O, and The Virgin Suicides. Ok, so maybe they aren't classic, per say, but he looked damn good in all of them. Am I right?

Anywho, a quick IMDB search reveals that Josh has three movies currently in pre and post production: A Girl Walks Into A Bar (2010), Stuck Between Stations (2011), and Gunslingers (2012). So fear not, Hartnett lovers, for he will be back in our theatres (and hearts) very soon. Ok, that was lame, but you get my point.

Thought of the day.

2010-09-15T11:20:00.004-04:00

Who's excited for the 21st season premier of Survivor tonight? I have to say that I'm going to miss Russell Hantz and his evil evil ways. However, a weekly dose of Jeff Probst is never a bad thing. I may have a (secret) crush on him...maybe.

Also up tonight is the 2-hour season finale of summer guilty pleasure, Big Brother. I'm thinking either Hayden or Enzo will win, but I am rooting for country bumpkin Lane, since my favorites Britney and Ragan were sent packing. Plus, he's had some of the more comical lines of the seasons. I think the one about dentist Andrew being a Jewish ninja was my favorite. Hey, Andrew named himself Captain Kosher, not me. I do love a good ol' country boy.

Bachelor Pad 9/14/10: Episode 1.6

2010-09-15T08:16:00.010-04:00

Well dearest blog readers, we have come to the end of our amazing journey here on Bachelor Pad. The question now facing us is whether or not there will be a second season and furthermore, who in the heck are they going to get on the show the second time around? I’m sure Weatherman won’t be doing anything or Craig M.’s hair…Where's foot-fetish Tanner P. from Jillian's season? He's just weird enough for this show.

The super duper six (David’s words, not mine) contemplate the rest of their time at The Pad. Natalie feels the wrong decision was made in getting rid of Peyton and Jesse B. but she is super duper excited about her relationship with David.

Chris Harrison lets the remaining couples in on their next challenge. They will be ballroom dancing. The couple that performs the best will be safe from the next elimination and will be the deciding vote on who will join them in the finals.

Since Tenley is part Disney Princess, she will have no problem mastering the dance steps. And really, is that very fair to the rest of the bunch to have a dancing competition seeing as how Tenley comes from a dance background? Gee, I wonder who is going to win…

The couples head off to meet their professional choreographers. Being that Bachelor Pad is on ABC and Dancing With the Stars is also on ABC, it should be a no brainer as to who the professional choreographers will consist of. Kovacs and Elizabeth waste no time in christening the limo with their saliva. She, however, takes time to tell Kovacs that he’d better not flirt with their choreographer if she happens to be female…or else.

Kiptyn and Tenley will be taught by Chelsie Hightower. Kovacs and Elizabeth will be learning from Editya Sliwinska, which is convenient for Kovcas since he appreciates the female form and not so convenient for Elizabeth who will pretty much be non-existent. Natalie and David will learn their dance from Louis Van Amstel, who coincidentally was Trista Sutter’s partner when she was on the first season on DWTS. Is it all making sense yet? I personally love the cross promotion. Well done ABC.

Kiptyn and Tenley will be learning the foxtrot. Chelsie wanted Kiptyn to take the lead, which comes naturally to every Disney Prince. Kiptyn, however, is a defective Disney Prince and possesses two left feet.

Kovacs and Elizabeth will be learning the rumba, not to be confused with the robot sweeper device. Elizabeth was feeling very insecure when Editya was giving bedroom eyes and straddling Kovacs. Little Kovacs, however, was having the time of his life.

David and Natalie will be learning the chacha. David has no problems in getting in touch with his feminine side. I personally found it hilarious to watch David twirling Louis around with ease. If Reba were singing about this, she’d call it “That’s the Day Man Code Went Out the Window” (sung to the tune of “That’s the Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia”). Then they start talking about doggie style, grabbing boobs, and being used to being in certain positions and I have to double check to make sure I DVR’d Bachelor Pad and not something else by accident.

After six hours of practice, the couples get all gussied up for their performances. Judging their performances are mute Melissa, original Bachelorette Trista and d-bag Jake, my soul mate (allegedly). All three guest judges competed on DWTS with two of the pros who taught the contestants their dances which all takes place on ABC. See, I told you it would all make sense eventually.

Tenley and Kiptyn take to the floor first. If Kiptyn weren’t so awkward, this would be just like the final scenes from Sleeping Beauty where Aurora and Phillip dance on the clouds. Melissa thought they had great teamwork, Jake talks about transitions while dreaming of that one time that Tenley danced her heart song for him, and Trista gives them an ‘A’ for effort. They end up with a score of 26.

Elizabeth and Kovacs are up next. What cheesy early 90’s porno did the music come from? Natalie likens their dancing to a production of Bambi on Ice. Melissa thinks they did a great job, Jake can tell they’re dating (thank you Captain Obvious), and Trista doesn’t think they need any help in the chemistry department. They end up with a score of 24.

Natalie and David are up last. I cannot get over how tight David’s pants are. Melissa was impressed, Jake thinks they mastered a ‘dang hard dance’, and Trista says ‘hello sexiness”…my old friend? They end up with a score of 25.

Tenley and Kiptyn are the ballroom champions. Duh. They now have the daunting task of sending the final couple home. Strategically speaking, it makes more sense to keep Kovacs and Elizabeth who haven’t won anything. But playing strategically isn’t really in the repertoire for Disney Princesses and Princes, who are cursed to always follow their hearts. They choose to send home Kovacs and Elizabeth, thus keeping Natalie and David to compete against for the cash prize.

Chris Harrison lets the final four know that the next time that they see each other will be at the live finale/reunion where one couple will be named the winner.

Harrison and pregnant, mute Melissa in a sparkly mini dress welcome us to the finale.. They welcome back the contestants who lost and I’m glad to see Gwen still has question marks as her age.

Elizabeth, who is back to being a brunette, quickly replies “no” when asked if she and Kovacs are still together. She says he’s ready and waiting if anyone wants to date a player.
Me: Oh snap. I could have told you that. Have you ever read a little book called "He's Just Not That Into You?"

Harrison asks why the Outsiders couldn’t get it together to vote out the Cool Kids when they clearly had the numbers advantage. Gia attempts to answer but never really can explain what happened. But giving Wes the rose was strategic, not emotional. Uh, yeah, right. CH then asks Gia about her attraction to Wes. She no longer has a boyfriend which turns Wes into a stammering schoolboy.
Wes: Bad boys need love too.
The audience and fellow contestants egg on Gia and Wes to kiss. Wes asks if it’s okay, which is kind of cute, and they proceed to make out…in front of everyone.
Harrison: If you choose to forgo the studio, you may proceed straight to the fantasy suite.

The finalists are welcomed onto the stage. Harrison wants to know what the real deal is with Kiptyn and Tenley. Are they a couple or not?
Tenley: Kiptyn’s my boyfriend.
Me: Um, that was so cute I may have just vomited in my mouth.

Harrison breaks down how the winning couple will be chosen. The cast-off contestants will get a chance to ask the finalists questions and then vote on the couple they want to win. I’m sure it will be uncomfortable for all parties involved.

Jessie and Krisily are mad at David which both involve being voted off. Peyton, Gia and Nikki are mad at Kiptyn for reasons involving his relationship with Tenley. Nikki, Kiptyn voted to keep Tenley because he likes her. He doesn’t like you that way. Same goes for David and Natalie. Plain and simple. Get over it scorned ladies.

Michelle is still mad at Tenley for starting the rumor she was making out with Craig. She says that she won’t be voting for Tenley and Kiptyn to win. In retrospect, Tenley probably should have asked Michelle if she was making out with Craig before talking about it, but seriously, these people take things way too seriously. It’s not like this is Real World, where reality tv imitates real life for realz. Sheesh.
Me: Someone ate their bitter cakes this morning.

David and Wes haven’t spoken since they got into that fight after Gia was voted off.

Now each couple has a chance to say why they should win the money. Natalie wants to pay off her debt and start up a charity for prostate cancer (her dad is a survivor). After David gets done talking, Gwen interrupts to address something she overheard David saying. He said something to the effect of, “everyone in the house in their late 30’s is a loser” which offended her. David says that to be honest, if you’re in your upper 30’s and you’re on a dating show with a bunch of 20-somethings that it’s kind of desperate. Gwen says she was there to win money and furthermore, who said it was a dating show anyway, which gets cheers from the mostly female audience. Woman power.

Tenley tells a story about losing her house after her marriage fell apart and wanting to pay back her parents. Kiptyn says that he almost didn’t do the show, however, if he would win the money that he would donate a chunk of it to charity. Juan wants to know what Tenley did to make it that far (met with audience boos). Jessie comes to her rescue by saying that she did really well in challenges and even won two, so she didn’t coast her way into the finals.
Me: Take that, Juan (pronounced You-Ahn).

It’s time to vote. The jilted contestants will cast a ballot on who they want to win.
For Kiptyn and Tenley: Craig, Weatherman, Juan, Gwen
For Natalie and David: Jessie, Krisily, Peyton, Jesse B., Ashley, Michelle, Nikki, Wes
Me: Wait, we don't get to see the rest of the votes? Rip-off!

With the majority of votes, David and Natalie are the winners of Season One of Bachelor Pad. Wait, what? Evil has triumphed over good? Everything every Disney movie has taught me has been a lie! The horror! The horror! Walt Disney would be ashamed...

Now David and Natalie face one last test. They must choose to either share or keep the money. If they both choose “share” they will split the money. If one chooses “share” and one chooses “keep” the one who chose “keep” will get all the money. If they both choose “keep” the other contestants get to split the money.

David and Natalie are taken to separate deliberation areas by burly security men. The other contestants debate what will happen. David chooses to share the money with Natalie. Natalie fakes everyone out into thinking she’s choosing “keep” by talking about getting your friends as far as you could get them but then you need to be selfish when you’ve gotten them as far as you could. When David is sweating bullets and cursing women in his head, she then reveals that she also chose “share” which means that they each walk away with 125K. David is so excited that he breaks man code once again to smooch it out with Harrison. That’s a lovely thought to leave us with.

Let’s let Wes sing us out. Hope you like hearing that song for the rest of forever Gia.

Bachelor Pad 9/7/10: Episode 1.5

2010-09-07T08:23:00.000-04:00

Shall we take bets on which Disney animal will make an appearance on this episode of Bachelor Pad? My money is on Sebastian or Flounder; we’re due for some sea creatures. Oh, and Kiptyn’s abs.

Kovacs is excited that there are no annoying girls left in the house, since Krisily was voted off. Uh, I beg to differ. I find Elizabeth and her craziness very annoying.
David: Don’t hate the players, hate the game.
Me: Play on playas.

Chris Harrison, looking very lumberjack-ish, tells the contestants that everything is about to change. He tells them that three women will be leaving that morning, because they have to even out the girl:guy ratio.

The contestants meet Chris and Melissa outside and they soon realize that they’ll be playing a jacked-up version of Spin-the-Bottle. CH tells the guys that it’s going to be up to them which girls stay and which girls go. Each guy will choose the one girl they think will be the best partner for them in the game because from here on out, they’ll be competing as couples. Each guy will ask one girl for a kiss. If she accepts that is who they’ll be competing with for the rest of the game. Gee, I wonder which girls will be leaving? *Eye roll* And why is Melissa there? She hasn’t contributed anything and she’s getting paid nicely for it. I am in the wrong career field.

The bottle first lands on Kiptyn, who (shocker) picks Tenley. Kovacs is up next. He chooses Elizabeth. Jesse B. picks Peyton and David chooses Natalie. Is anyone surprised at these choices, really? Gwen, Ashley and Nikki are sent home. Elizabeth is sad that not only did those girls not win money but they didn’t find love either. She realizes she could be like Gwen one day, in her forties and still looking for love. HA. That’s when you get a couple cats and call it a day. I’m looking at you, Aniston.

The remaining couples speculate on what the next competition will be. Elizabeth and Kovacs go over what they know about each other, since they think it will be a “how well do you know each other” kind of game. Elizabeth would fail miserably because she can’t remember anything Kovacs tells her. She even takes Gingko-Bilboa memory pills.
Me: Take them back to the store you got them from and get your money back.

Natalie is excited to see where her relationship with David is going. They see Kiptyn and Tenley making out and wonder what they’re (not) talking about.

Tenley comes up with her own couple nickname for herself and Kiptyn: KipTen. How original…not. I like Kipley…or Tentyn.

Jesse B. continues to act like an imbecile in front of Petyon and she wonders if it would just be easier to go it alone.

The contestants meet CH and mute Melissa outside for the next competition. One couple will win the competition, go on a date and get the roses of safety. Melissa finally earns her paycheck and explains the competition. They’ll be tossing water balloons. Only three water balloons can break before a couple is eliminated from the competition.

Jesse B. and Peyton are eliminated first. Kiptyn and Tenley are out next followed by Kovacs and Elizabeth which means that David and Natalie win the competition.

While David and Natalie bask in the glow of their win, Peyton feels like the reason she and Jesse B. didn’t win was because of her.
Me: It was.
However, Jesse B. tells her not to blame herself and feel bad about it. They both feel like they’re probably going home at the next elimination.
Me: You probably are.

Natalie and Tenley discuss who to vote out at the next elimination. Natalie feels like Jesse B. and Peyton are the physical threat. Tenley feels that if the competitions come down to mental challenges that Kovacs and Elizabeth are the threat because they’ve know each other the longest. Natalie then decides to talk to David about voting out Kovacs and Elizabeth and tells Peyton not to count herself out yet.

As Natalie and David prepare for their date, Elizabeth and Kovacs discover the yellow Lamborghini David and Natalie get to use for their date. They decide to christen the car before David and Natalie can.
Kovacs: If a girl catches a bad case of Kovacs, so be it.
Me: Hey, you said it, not me.

David and Natalie pull into Lovers Lane and decide to take “car model” pictures with the Lamborghini. They then go to the mansion that Jason Mesnick stayed in during his stint as The Bachelor. This is also the same mansion that he and Molly had their overnight camping date at.

They talk about what they would do with the money if they won. David wants to start his own company in Florida and Natalie wants to pay off her student loans and send her parents on a trip. David opens up about how his parents divorce affected him. He says that it effects the way he looks at relationships. He also opens up about his relationship with his dad and tells Natalie that he hasn’t spoken to his dad in a long time. I wish we could have seen that side of him on Jillian’s season because he came across as such a hard-ass d- bag.

Back at the house, Kiptyn and Tenley discuss where their relationship will go after the show is over. Tenley is afraid it will change, but Kiptyn says he won’t let that happen. I’m pretty sure in his head he said, “My fair lady,” as every Disney prince does.

Natalie tries to discuss with David about possibly voting off Kovacs and Elizabeth at the next elimination. Per man code, David can’t vote off Kovacs because they have a pact.

Back at the house, Elizabeth and Kovacs sneak into the Fantasy Suite (Master Bedroom) for some sexy time. The other contestants wonder where they went to and Tenley discovers that they went into the Fantasy Suite.
Drunk Tenley: It’s not a rumor this time, it’s an observation. The lights are off and it smells good.
Me: I wonder what they’re doing. Jesse B., please enlighten us…
Jesse B.: Oh yeah, they’re “bleep”-ing.

David and Kovacs discuss the upcoming elimination. They both think that Jesse B. and Peyton are the safe bet to send home.

The Disney animal making an appearance tonight is…Thumper! Damn, should’ve known it would’ve been another woodland creature.

Natalie tells Peyton that she wants to keep her around and to try to talk to Tenley and Kiptyn about it. Tenley agrees that, strategically, it makes sense to keep Peyton and Jesse B. around instead of Kovacs and Elizabeth. Tenley talks to Kiptyn about the situation. The voting situation, not the Jersey Shore personality.

As elimination looms, Natalie tells David that she wants to vote out Kovacs and Elizabeth. David says that he can’t vote for them.

CH tells the contestants that they will vote as individuals, not as couples.

Jesse B. tries to reason with Kiptyn into keeping him and Peyton in the game. Jesse B. tells Kiptyn that he wouldn’t vote for him at the next elimination if Kiptyn keeps him in the game this week. Kiptyn struggles with being strategic or loyal, which is something all Disney Princes struggle with on a daily basis.

CH and mute Melissa begin calling out the names of the safe couples:
Natalie and David
Tenley and Kiptyn
Elizabeth and Kovacs

Peyton and Jesse B. are eliminated.

Next week…It’s finale time. A ballroom dancing competition takes place, with choreography from DWTS pros. The final four then face off for the 250K as the whole cast returns to vote for the winner(s).

Side note: I finally finished all the Bachelor levels on The Bachelor: The Videogame for Wii. After completing all the personality tests, according to the game, I am soulmates with Andy Baldwin and…get ready for it…Jake Pavelka. Shoot me, please. And why are both Bachelors I’m soulmates with blonde? I usually am only attracted to brunette guys, sometimes an occasional ginger. Maybe this is telling me I need to switch hair colors. Oh, as for the other Bachelors: Jason Mesnick, Brad Womack and I shouldn’t even be in the same room as one another and Matt Grant and I should be bff’s.

Bachelor Pad 8/30/10: Episode 1.4

2010-08-31T08:19:00.006-04:00

10 observations of Bachelor Pad: Week 4

1. Wes calls Krisily, Krissy Lee, which is only amusing and tolerated because of his southern charm. If he were from, say, Boston I don't think it would be as funny or endearing. No offense, Cape Code Chris L., for I love you dearly...

2. Wes and David (almost) came to blows over voting Gia out and the power-couples running the game. There were some "bro"s, "dude"s and "duh"s thrown. It was really very manly. Little does Wes know that David himself is now in a power-couple with Natalie.

3. The challenge this week yielded the following revelations:
-If this were high school, Kiptyn would be voted Most Likely to Succeed.
-Natalie is not marriage material. Whatever gave you that impression?
-Elizabeth is not only shallow, but has a really bad boob job. However, Kovacs thinks her boobs are great. He would.
-David is, like, da bomb. Totally.

4. Tenley and Jesse B. win the challenge. Gee, I wonder who each will take on their dates, which are now individual dates, not group dates.

5. Tenley takes Kiptyn for her date. Shocker. Being that Tenley is part Disney Princess, Bachelor Pad is on ABC whose parent company is Disney, Bambi makes an appearance on the date. Did ya'll catch that? 'Cause it was awesome.

6. Kiptyn and Tenley share their first real live kiss. It's magical, according to Tenley. You know that scene in Sleeping Beauty where Prince Phillip kisses Aurora, thus awakening her with true love's kiss from her slumber? Yeah, it was like that.

7. Jesse B. picks Peyton for his date. Again, shocking. Although, this time around, the date doesn't go as well as their last date. This date was kind of a 101 course on what not to do when you're on a date with someone you're interested in. While burping the presence of a lady and chugging a martini may be okay when you've been with someone for a while, it's not while trying to woo someone. The humorous thing was that he was surprised when Peyton didn't want to partake in the fantasy suite.

8. David compares Peyton and Jesse B. to vodka and champagne, in that they don't mix well, which is coincidentally what Jesse B. was mixing and drinking in his glass on the date.

9. Kovacs comes to the conclusion that he really does have strong feeling for Elizabeth after seeing her so upset after the questionaire challenge. He's okay with not winning any money because he has learned a valuable life lesson in the process of this game. Someone has to be the "life lesson-er" in every reality tv show.

10. Krisily and Wes are sent packing. Krisily is pissed. David told her she'd be safe this week (Gwen was the original target) but then Kiptyn didn't feel right about voting Gwen off, so the guys changed their vote last minute. Krisily goes on a rampage about the power-couples and predicts that Tenley/Kiptyn and Elizabeth/Kovacs will be the final four because no one has the guts to vote them off.

Next week...Three girls (no guys) will be sent home.

Bachelor Pad 8/23/10: Episode 1.3

2010-08-24T08:19:00.001-04:00

Spreading Herpes and Mono for Dummies

Still reeling from Craig’s elimination, The Outsiders confront Nikki about her betrayal. Gia lets the whole house know about the original plan to vote off Kiptyn. She essentially tries to throw Nikki under the bus. Gia realizes that she is probably on the chopping block for the next elimination.

The next day, Melissa and Chris corral the contestants for the next competition. They let them know that there are two roses up for grabs, one for a guy and one for a girl. Duh. Harrison hopes that everyone brushed their teeth and Scope-d up today because they are having a good old-fashioned kissing contest. The girls and guys will take turns being blind-folded while the sex not blind-folded kisses the other. They will then cast a vote for the best kisser. The guy and girl with the most votes will win the rose and be safe from elimination. Gia worries that her boyfriend will break up with her. Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s a given after he sees her interactions with Wes.

The girls are being blind-folded first.
-Elizabeth seems to thoroughly enjoys all the kisses. She says that #4 (Kovacs) had some sparks going between them. She thinks that #5 (Weatherman) is the worst kisser in the bunch. Is anyone really shocked?
-Lolz at Gwen’s reaction to Weatherman.
-Ashley decides not to partake in the competition because she is a teacher and thinks that she’ll lose the respect of her students. Kovacs thinks that’s lame because she walks around the house in next-to-nothing while flirting with the guys all day.
-Natalie liked #2 (David) the best. She thought it was very passionate. Foreshadowing?
-For the record, David thinks his lips were made for kissing.
-Tenley had the giggles, but Kiptyn seemed to silence her. Back in the house, the rest of the girls let Tenley in that Kiptyn was the third guy kisser. Tenley dances and sings about their first kiss while cartoon birds join in the harmony.

The guys are blind-folded next.
-Natalie would make out with everyone in the house for $20.
-Gia is upset because she didn’t know that you had to be a porn star to do the kissing contest. Gia removes herself from the contest.
-Weatherman is stoked. Elizabeth spits in her hand after kissing him. HA.
-Peyton’s strategy is to be gentle and go with the flow. The seems to work on David, because he votes for her.
-Wes thinks that going in for the kill is a big turn-off, unless he’s hammered.

Melissa and Chris reveal the two contestants with the most votes. The best male kisser is David. The best female kisser in the house is Peyton. Natalie seems perturbed that she didn’t win. I mean, her nickname is Kissing Bandit after all.

The first date card arrives. It’s for David. They will be going to Las Vegas. He chooses Nikki, Krisily and Natalie for the date. On the private plane, Natalie pulls an Austin Powers with the “Oh, I fell over…” line onto David’s lap. They go to a private, nudie pool for their date. Natalie and Krisily talk about their attraction to David and his buffness.

As Krisily and David have their alone time, David is distracted by Natalie jumping across the seats on the other side of the pool. Natalie decides to let David know how she feels about him and decides to go topless at the topless pool. Makes sense I suppose.

Back at the house, Peyton’s date card arrives. She chooses Kovacs, Kiptyn and Jesse B. for her date.

David and the girls end up at a huge, private villa for the remainder of the date. David finds a card in the room which instructs him to hand out the rose. The woman he gives the rose to will get to stay and finish out the date while the other two are going back to the mansion immediately. He gives the rose to Natalie. At dinner, another card is presented to them. It’s a Fantasy Suite card from Harrison! David and Natalie choose to stay the night together in Vegas. I’m pretty sure Natalie has romantic feelings for a lot of boys…I’m just sayin’…

Natalie tells the camera that she and David and are now a couple but they decide to not tell anyone since people are trying to break the couples up.

Tenley is upset that Peyton picked Kiptyn for the date, so to make sure that he doesn’t forget about her, she decides to sneak into his bed. Kiptyn pretty much rejects Tenley. Natalie thinks that he really does have feelings for Tenley but is afraid to show it given the nature of the competition.

Peyton and the guys go to a drag race strip for their date. Jesse B. thinks that he and Peyton can kick their relationship into overdrive if she chooses him to go back to the fantasy suite. Haha, funny you are little Jesse with your racing analogies.

Peyton asks Kiptyn about his feelings for Tenley. He lies to Peyton and says that he’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with her when in reality he is. Team Kipley!

Jesse B. assures Peyton that Natalie is not the type of girl that he’s looking for. Peyton wonders if Natalie will be jealous if they start a relationship. They seal their alone time with a kiss. She chooses to give him the rose. Side note: Chris Harrison tweeted a photo from this past weekend at a charity golf event. In it were him, Chris L. from Ali’s season, Jesse B. and Peyton. So I think it’s safe to say that Peyton and Jesse have taken their romance outside of the competition.

When the daters return to the house, Peyton finds the Fantasy Suite invitation card. They choose to go to the suite to spend some more time together. Was that a bottle of massage oil on the bedside table? Bow chicka…

Kovacs thinks that Elizabeth has completely ruined his game. It’s pretty much like fatal attraction-esque Lifetime movie starring Melissa Gilbert.
Wes decides to cheer Gia up by playing her a tune on his guitar. I bet we can all guess which song it is. I bet it has to do with love not coming easily…Gia proclaims Wes as a modern day Shakespeare. They conclude the night by having cuddle time in Wes’ bed. Yup, pretty sure Gia and her boyfriend are caput as of 30 seconds ago.

As voting day arrives, Wes scrambles to try and save Gia. He talks to everyone about breaking up one of the couples. Wes tells Gia to try to talk to Kiptyn and persuade him to not vote her out. She tells Kiptyn that she was just the messenger and didn’t rally the girls to vote him out. Wait, what planet is Gia on? I’m pretty sure she was the team leader on the vote Kiptyn out brigade.

Chris Harrison is thankfully not wearing a mismatched outfit as he tells everyone that it’s time for voting to begin. As the girls start voting, the Weatherman and Kovacs are on the chopping block. As the guys begin voting, Elizabeth and Gia are on the chopping block. Wes tries to bully Kovacs, David and Kiptyn into voting Elizabeth off.

David, Natalie, Peyton and Jesse B. are already safe from elimination. Joining them are Ashley, Kiptyn, Tenley, Nikki, Gwen, Wes, Krisily and Kovacs. There were 3 votes for Gia and 3 votes for Elizabeth. David, being the guy winner for the week gets to cast the tie-breaking vote. He votes to keep Elizabeth.

Weatherman and Gia are eliminated.

Next week… The contestants answer questions about each other, such as who has the worst boob job. There will be tears and drama for sure because of that. Wes and David are at odds. Fight, fight... I got $20 on David...

Bachelor Pad 8/16/10: Episode 1.2

2010-08-17T07:50:00.001-04:00

I figured out what happened with last week’s recap blog. I did save it but not to my jump drive. I only saved it on my computer, which I have since deleted. So, oops, my bad. I’m back on track this week, I promise. :)

THIS is Bachelor Pad!
(Hey, it worked for American Idol…)

Kovacs finally realizes that he’s better suited to be more couple-like with Elizabeth since she is so close with several of the girls left and can vote him out in an instant. Uh, you think?

Natalie and Jesse B. make out some more. I’m still trying to figure out how he switches from Natalie to another girl in a matter of days, as evidenced by the season previews.

Peyton, Nikki, Krisily, Gia, Gwen, Craig and Weatherman will henceforth be known as The Outsiders.

Melissa enters in her Kelly Kapowski dress to get the contestants ready for the next challenge. This challenge is a pie-eating contest. One guy and one girl will win and be safe from elimination. The catch with this challenge is that you can’t use your hands. I don’t know about you, but I could eat my weight in pie. When I get married, I want pie instead of cake. Don’t judge me…

Krisily tearfully tells Host Chris Harrison that she can’t participate in the contest because she doesn’t have a gall bladder and therefore can’t digest certain food items well.

The ladies are up first. Elizabeth thinks the pies taste like pre-vomit. Tenley is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. Puke buckets are brought in. Nikki is surprised that any guy would be romantically interested in any of the girls after seeing them vomit. David, on the other hand, thinks it brought them all closer together.
Jesse K.: I’m pretty sure Tenley vomited into the pie and continued to eat it.

Gia wins the challenge for the girls.

The men are up next. Craig uses his hair as a sponge to absorb the pie filling. Weatherman wins for the guys. The big, burly men should be ashamed. ASHAMED!
David: He’s (Weatherman) good at eating pie. He’s got that going for him.

Jessie pulls Craig aside and lets him know that he is probably on the chopping block this week.

Weatherman gets his date card. He chooses Gwen, Peyton and Ashley for his date. Melissa meets the daters in her sparkly genie pants to explain their date. They will be using their bodies as paintbrushes.
Weatherman: Are you ready for Speedo: The Sequel?
Me: *Covers eyes* Someone tell me when it’s over.

This date is pretty much like a bad porno. I feel vaguely uncomfortable watching this.

Back at the house, The Outsiders discuss ways to get The Cool Kids out of the house. They talk about Gia possibly giving Craig the rose on her date. Yeah, that’ll happen.

Weatherman and the girls all agree that the main group of friends need to be broken up, but right now he just wants to get romantic with Gwen. He says that she’s the one girl he’d date in the house. Weatherman gives Gwen the rose, which keeps her safe from elimination. Gwen tells the camera that it would never happen (in a million years) with Jonathan. Better luck next time Weatherman…

Gia and Weatherman discuss his date and what’s going to happen on her date. She tells him that she’s probably going to give Craig the rose. Weatherman doesn’t trust Craig. Peyton and Gia tell Weatherman that Ashley isn’t on their side.

Gia’s date card arrives. She chooses Wes and Craig. She pretends not to know who the other guy she wants to take is, so she writes all the guys’ names on paper and picks one out of a bowl. In reality, she writes down Jesse B.’s name a couple of times and pretends to pick it at random. Oh Gia, you are so clever! She’s hoping to get him on the side of The Outsiders.

They go to a Moroccan-esque tent in the middle of a park. Gia pulls Craig aside and tells him that he’s going to get the rose. She says that when she gives her word, it’s a done deal.

After painting a Henna tattoo on Jesse B.’s hand, Gia talks strategy. She tells Jesse that she wants him to work with The Outsiders, but doesn’t want him running to Natalie and telling her everything.

Back at the house, everyone discusses what will happen if Craig comes back with the rose. The consensus is that either Kovacs or Kiptyn will probably be the next guy to go. Elizabeth announces that she’s a dumb, smart girl. She and Kovacs have sexy time in the shower.

Gia gives Wes a hand massage. Wes is in Heaven right now because everyone knows that he’s had the hots for Gia since she stepped out of the limo on Jake’s season. Gia says if things were different (she has a boyfriend), she’d want to be with Wes. Oh Wes, always the charmer you are.

Gia decides to give Wes the rose. I guess Gia’s word means nothing, eh?

As Gia and the guys return from their date, the house is shocked that Gia gave Wes the rose. Jessie and David sneak off to the hot tub. She tells David about The Outsiders alliance and then they make out. Krisily sees it all and immediately starts a campaign to save her own skin and vote Jessie out.
Jesse B. thinks that Gia is more girlfriend material than Natalie. He tells Natalie that he feels like he’s pretty flirtatious and that he tends to lose interest quickly when he sees something he doesn’t like. He decides that they should probably just be friends. Well, there’s the answer on how he goes from being hot and heavy with Natalie to being coupled up with another girl in a matter of days.

The Outsider girls decide to vote for Kiptyn.

Host Chris tells everyone it’s time for another elimination.
Me: WTH are you wearing, Chris? That tie and shirt combo are wrong on so many levels.

Chris asks how relationships in the house have changed. Elizabeth says that she doesn’t think that she and Kovacs’ relationship is any different than, say, that of Tenley and Kiptyn. Tenley jokingly chimes in that it is different on a physical level. Elizabeth gives her the evil eye which immediately makes Tenley cry.

Jessie doesn’t think that she has anything to worry about because she has alliances on both sides. Oh Jessie, so naïve are you.

David confronts one-time make out partner, Jessie, about her alliance with Craig. She says that she doesn’t have an alliance with Craig and will be voting him off. David corrals Kiptyn and Kovacs to discuss not voting off Jessie and voting for Krisily instead.

As voting commences, Craig, Kiptyn, Jessie and Krisily find themselves on the chopping block.

When The Cool Kids find out that Craig and Kiptyn are neck and neck with votes, they immediately spring into action to sway Nikki’s vote. Kiptyn pulls Nikki aside to talk. Nikki feels put in the middle of things because she and Kiptyn are close friends. I’ll tell Kiptyn how to make sure he stays: Walk around sans shirt. We’ll see how many girls vote him off then. I should be a professional strategist.

Weatherman and Gia are safe from their challenge win. Gwen and Wes are safe from receiving roses on the dates. The others that are safe are: Tenley, Jesse B., Peyton, Nikki, Ashley, David, Elizabeth, Natalie, Kovacs, Krisily and Kiptyn.

Jessie and Craig are eliminated.

Next week…The Outsider girls find out that Nikki is the one who betrayed them. A kissing contest ensues. Wes plays Gia a tune and she falls under his spell.

Bachelor Pad 8-9-10: Episode 1.1

2010-08-13T09:50:00.003-04:00

Sorry this is so late. I watched Bachelor Pad when I got back from vacation on Tuesday and typed up a blog, but then my computer didn't save it. So here we are with this abbreviated version.

Host Chris Harrison is wearing jeans. Repeat: Chris Harrison has chosen to forgo his nicely tailored suit and wear jeans and a blazer. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do with myself.

Nonetheless, he greets the contestants who come back to the Mansion of Debauchery to either win 250K, find love/lust, or both. These fools, er, people are:

Tenley
Season: Jake Pavelka or On the Wings of Love
Of note: Being that she is part Disney princess, Tenley can command the attention of woodland creatures with just a flick of her golden locks. She also fills the part of damsal-in-distress quite nicely. If only there were a Kiptyn, er, knight in shining armor to rescue her.

Jesse B.
Season: Ali Fedotowsky
Of note: Jesse has gotten a haircut since we've seen him last. I'm sure more tattoos as well, only those aren't visible...yet.

Natalie
Season: Jason Mesnick
Of note: Natalie has been given the nickname "Kissing Bandit". I'm sure as the season rolls on, you'll understand why. She immediately sets her sights on Jesse B., proclaiming that he is probably the hottest thing alive...or something to that effect.

David (Dave)
Season: Jillian Harris
Of note: Man code.

Gwen
Season: Aaron Burge
Of note: Being that she asked ABC not to reveal her age, only to have it replaced with question marks, it's safe to say Gwen is the oldest female contestant. (Psst, she's 39) it also appears as though she's had some work done since Season 2 of The Bachelor...allegedly.

Jessie
Season: Jake Pavelka
Of note: Said about two words on Jake's season but then became the show's resident snitch when she partook in outing Rated-R Justin during filming of Ali's season.

Jonathan (Weatherman)
Season: Ali Fedotowsky
Of note: He relates real life scenarios to weather patterns. For example, he calls Craig M. a "category 6 a-hole." I find him amusing and annoying all at once.

Nikki
Season: Jason Mesnick
Of note: Nikki won the First Impression Rose on Jason's season. She and Juan have a 'history' and she'd rather not see him. Enter...

Juan
Season: Jillian Harris
Of note: According to Natalie, Juan used Nikki for a place to stay while he was visiting Chicago. Oh snap.

Wes
Season: Jillian Harris
Of note: Wes was portrayed as the villian on Jillian's season. He (allegedly) had a girlfriend while on the show but swears that he is now single. You know what they say...love, it don't come easy.

Krisily
Season: Charlie O'Connell
Of note: Krisily made it all the way to the final two in Charlie's season before being rejected in favor of Sarah Brice. She's not afraid to tell it like it is and therefor be this season's resident biotch.

Elizabeth
Season: Jake Pavelka
Of note: She is famous for being the 'tease' of Jake's season, who wrote Jake a note saying that he couldn't kiss her until she was the last girl standing but then kept asking if he wanted to kiss her. It was obnoxious. She has a thing going on with...

Jesse K.
Season: Jillian Harris
Of note: If he had something up as a relationship status on Facebook, it would be listed as 'complicated.' He and Elizabeth have hooke dup several times but he insists they aren't in a relationship. Elizabeth believes otherwise.

Kiptyn
Season: Jillian Harris
Of note: Rock-hard abs.

Ashley
Season: Jake Pavelka
Of note: She was the girl who wore the flight attendant's uniform to capture the attention of Bachelor Jake.

Peyton
Season: Andy Baldwin
Of note: She was famously left on the aricraft carrier after a failed 2-1 date.

Michelle
Season: Jake Pavelka
Of note: Big bag of crazy balls. May or may not like boiling bunnies. Really, really, really, no really wants a husband and kids.

Gia
Season: Jake Pavkela
Of note: It's hard out there for a swimsuit model. She's the only castmate with a boyfriend...that we know of. I'm looking at you, Juan.

Craig M.
Season: Ali Fedotowsky
Of note: Sweats Patrick Dempsey's follicles. May or may not be 'dangerous'.

Joining Chris Harrison as co-host is everyone's favorite jilted bachelorette, Melissa Rycroft-Strickland.

Melissa corrals the contestants to the front yard for a game of Twister. Butts, boobs and crotches in faces ensued. I'm surprised at how quickly Tenley was out of the game especially since she announed to the camera that she'd win and then hoisted her leg over her head.
Me: Is she drunk? Where is sweet, innocent Tenley we all came to know and love?

Craig wins the challenge, thereby securing safety for himself from the first elimination. He selects Gwen, Jessie and Elizabeth to go on the date with him. Elizabeth heckled Craig during the challenge by telling him that he'd be going home if he didn't win. He brought her on the date to try to win her over. He kind of succeeds, but then ends up giving the date rose to Jessie since they were the last two standing in the Twister game. Jessie is now safe from elimination as well.

Back at the mansion, Elizabeth warns Jesse K. that he'd better start acting like the doting boyfriend or he may get himself voted out.
Jesse K.: Are you threatening me?
Elizabeth: *smiles*

Natalie and Jesse B. have become cozy and pretty much make out all the time. Krisily thinks that the girls need to target the athletic, burly men first. Natalie of course runs to one of the big, burly men and tells him what's going down.

Meanwhile, Tenley overhears kissing in the night and assumes the next morning that it was Michelle and Craig. Everyone assumes that Michelle was trying to garner an alliance with Craig. This angers Michelle who then corners Tenley in a bathroom. Tenley tearfully explains what happened to Elizabeth, who then tells a couple of the other girls who then tell Kiptyn. I was half expecting Kiptyn to go comfort Tenley, but alas he did not.

Juan tries to explain himself and apologize to Nikki but with no avail.

Thus, as voting begins, Juan and Jesse K. find themselves on the chopping block along with Krisily and Michelle.

Juan and Michelle are the first contestants voted off.

Join us next week for what appears to be some sort of all-you-can-eat challenge. Yum!

The Bachelorette 8-2-10: Finale and Aftermath

2010-08-02T14:54:00.016-04:00

Alas dear Bachelorette viewers, we have come to the end of Ali's journey to (hopefully) find love. Unfortunately, my power went out around 7:45pm and didn’t come back on until around 8:35pm, right when Ali was bringing Chris to meet her family so that’s where I’ll be picking up the blog. I didn’t get to see any of Roberto’s meet-the-family time, although from a preview, I see that he did some salsa dancing with them. How original Roberto.

Chris Meets the Family
Ali brings Chris to meet her mom, dad, brother and sister. Chris tells Ali’s family about his mom and how her sickness and passing effected him and his family.
My mom: That says a lot about his character that he dropped everything to move home when his mom got sick.
Ali’s mom: “ “
Me: It’s like my mom is psychic.

Mom and sister approve of Chris. Dad takes a harsher approach. Dad wants to know how Chris knows that he’s in love with Ali. Chris says that every time he sees Ali he falls more in love and that she makes him happy and that he smiles when he sees her. Chris then asks for dad’s approval if he should end up proposing. Dad (reluctantly) gives his approval but only after he makes a grammar faux pas.
Dad: …family orienTATEd.
Me: Oh no.

At dinner, we find out that Ali and her sister used to dress up their brother as a girl. Then they all don their bathing suits and jump off the dock.
Mom: Tell me the sister isn’t wearing a two-piece.

Ali and Chris conclude the day kissing on the dock. Ali totally didn’t look into it at all. Her lips were pursed together and her smile looked forced.

Ali discusses her two men, how she feels about both of them and gets her family’s opinion. Dad thinks Roberto shows the most love toward Ali and thinks that Chris is a little hesitant. However, sister and brother tell Ali that Chris told them more than once that he is in love with her and that he would be proposing. Mom and sister like that his and Ali’s relationship progressed at a normal rate.

Roberto’s Last Date
Ali meets up with Roberto for their last date before the final day. Ali tells Roberto she missed him. Roberto tells the camera that he likes to focus on the present and not think about what Ali and Chris do when they’re alone. That’s probably for the best.

Ali and Roberto hop on a jet ski and come up on a school of sting rays. Ali freaks out when one cops a feel. Luckily manly Roberto is there to calm her fears as well as guard and protect her…heart.

Now it’s time for a picnic. Ali says that going to beautiful, exotic locales makes her appreciate the people in her life more. Roberto agrees, saying that being with someone special makes it all worth it. (Me: Barf) Ali proclaims Roberto as the sexist man alive. Take that People magazine! Ali feels like Roberto could be the one for her.

Ali meets Roberto at his hut wearing her signature wide-legged linen pants. Ali tells him that today’s date with him was probably her favorite date ever. Ali asks Roberto if he had to describe his type of girl if she would have fit into that. He says he doesn’t have a physical type. Ali says that she wouldn’t have described him as her type of guy. Way to be subtle about it, Ali.

Roberto presents Ali with a gift. He says that it’s their first picture as a couple. It was taken at the heart-shaped island in Tahiti. He also wrote a note to Ali on the back of the photo, and yes, some of it was in Spanish.

Roberto tells Ali that he didn’t hesitate when Ali’s dad asked if he was in love with Ali. Ali’s heart is exploding out of her chest. Ali tells the camera that she loves Roberto and that everything she came on the show looking to find, she found in him. Uh oh, looks like it’s game over for Chris.

Chris’ Last Date
Chris tells the camera how excited he is for their last date. He also talks about how excited his family is going to be when he proposes to Ali. Poor guy, he has no clue what’s coming.

Ali shows up at Chris’ hotel room saying it’s been a crazy week. Ali says that her mind is all over the place and doesn’t know where to begin. She says that her family loved Chris and then she starts her “you’re wonderful, yadda yadda…but…” speech to Chris. Ali tells Chris that she’s in love with someone else and that she has to let him go.

Chris looks like someone just ran over his dog…twice. Ali tells Chris that this was a hard decision and Chris says that he’ll miss her. As much as it sucked to watch this, I have to give Ali props for letting him go before he went ring shopping and really thought she was going to choose him. Lest we forget how DeAnna let Jason propose before telling him he wasn’t the one?

Then I lost it when he was talking about the rainbow and his mom. Chris proclaims that he’s just got to keep looking for that right girl. I can’t be sure but, um, maybe you should look in Ohio Chris. Yeah. Ohio is a good spot.

Final Rose Ceremony
Ali feels sad about letting Chris go but says that her heart isn’t capable of loving anyone else. She says that she hopes Roberto chooses her in return and proposes.

Roberto says that he won’t propose unless he’s 100% sure that Ali is the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Cue Neil Lane and the engagement rings. There’s a ring with a yellow diamond…uh, how loud and clear do you need things? Roberto continues to worry and doubt to the camera. He says that he only wants to propose once and if he doesn’t feel like it’s right, he won’t do it.

Ali paces as Roberto makes his way to her. Roberto tells Ali that he wants to be her man. He says that he knew the first time he held Ali that he wanted to do that forever. Ali tells Roberto that he is the only guy left standing and that she loves him. Roberto then gets down on one knee and asks Ali to marry him. She happily accepts.
Me: No yellow diamond?! WTF?!

A montage of Roberto and Ali rolls as music from The Lion King plays in the background. Lame. Elton John would be ashamed.

After the Final Rose
-Ali is wearing her engagement ring. Good sign…
-Frank revisited. Ali said that she probably would have brought Frank to the final two if he hadn’t left. Chris Harrison tells Ali that Frank chose not to attend the taping and face her. Ali says that she forgives Frank.
-Chris talks about his final day with Ali. He says that being sent home was unexpected. I’d rather not relive his ouster, but Chris Harrison makes us. Chris says that he’s ready to start moving on and find someone. All in all, Chris understands Ali’s decision and harbors no anger or resentment towards her.
-Ali and Chris face each other for the first time since that day in Tahiti. Ali has a lot of respect for Chris. Ali says that she and Chris had more a friendship whereas she and Roberto had more romance.
-Oh, the rainbow…Kleenex, where’s my Kleenex?
-Ali and Chris Harrison discuss Roberto. It was pretty much love at first sight.
-Roberto and Ali are together for this first time (in public) since their engagement in Tahiti. Roberto says that he knew Ali was it for him around the 3rd or 4th Rose Ceremony. Ali says that she pretty much knew throughout that she’d end up with him, but she had to explore all options just to be sure he was the right choice.
-Ali and Roberto saw each other for about 4-5 days every two weeks while the show was airing.
-Future plans: Roberto is moving to the West Coast. They rented an apartment in San Diego in which Roberto already lives. Ali will be moving in soon. No wedding plans yet.
-Chris Harrison tells the couple that there is a helicopter waiting to whisk them off to Catalina Island for a romantic getaway.

As for who will be our next Bachelor? I would assume that it's Chris' if he wants it. Although I would love Chris on my tv every week, I hope he turns it down. I hope he follows in Reid's and Kiptyn's footsteps and declines the offer. He is far too normal (which is definitely not a bad thing) and the show would tarnish every image of him I have made up in the fantasy bubble I call my brain. Just say no, Chris! Say no to drugs and fake jugs! Haha, I made a funny.

On a side note: If you own a Nintendo Wii or DS system, you must pick up a copy of The Bachelor videogame. The basic premise is that to start, you pick the avatar you want to play as (girl for The Bachelor, guy for The Bachelorette). You will then compete against three other players (computer or friends) and compete in mini games for heart points. There are three episodes to compete in and four group dates and one 1-1 date in each episode. In order to get the 1-1 date, you must have the most heart points after the four group dates. But fear not, for if you don't get the 1-1 date, you have the opportunity to sabatoge the person who does get the 1-1 date. At the end of all three episodes, whomever has the most heart points will win the heart of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. All in all there are five Bachelors and five Bachelorettes to compete for, but to unlock another season, you must win the current season you are playing. It's a fun game and not as easy to win as it sounds. It would definitely be fun to play with a group of friends.

You can also take personality quizzes to see how compatible you would be with past Bachelors (or Bachelorettes, if you're a guy). According to this game, Andy Baldwin and I are soulmates. I think I'd be okay with that. Make it happen, Chris Harrison!

Join me next week as I take the blog to a whole new level of debauchery by blogging The Bachelor Pad! Although I will forwarn you that the blog will be delayed due to my being out of town on Monday.

The Bachelorette 7-26-10: The Men Tell All

2010-07-27T08:10:00.002-04:00

The top things we learning from the Men Tell All:

1. If Ali were to estimate the number of times Kasey uttered his catchphrase, "Guard and protect her/your heart," she'd have to assume he said it over 100 times. At least. Although if you add in any kind of variation on that phrase, I'd say it was more like 150, give or take 500.

2. Roberto nailed Ali in the head with a champagne cork during his hometown date at the ball field. Abuse!

3. Frank's dad should never be allowed to make up fake toasts...ever. Beware your wedding day Frankie!

4. Ali and Roberto attract many forms of wild life when they're on dates. In Portugal, for example, they had the random cat eating their food and there was an obnoxiously loud peacock ruining any romantic moments. They also named every animal they encountered Charlie.

5. Chris N. (aka Ryan Sutter look-a-like) was nicknmaed The Phantom because of his quite, stealthy nature. Apparently he would disappear and reappear without anyone ever knowing he was gone in the first place. He likes that nickname so much that he has a t-shirt made with the nickname on it, Rated-R style.

6. Chris N. is capable of forming complete sentences...even cursing. The shock!

7. Chris L. does an awesomely hilarious impression of Chris N., which makes me love him even more.

8. Kasey's singing is even more awkward to listen to the second time around.

9. Rated-R Justin is universally hated amongst all the bachelors.

10. Craig R. talks...a lot.

11. I heart the blooper reel. Ty turns into a dog whisperer. The guys play a prank on Craig R. when he's sleeping by putting his hand in a bucket of warm water, thus making him pee himself. Chris Harrison would like to know what jacka** gave him a plastic cup. Craig R. and Roberto speak spanish to each other thinking they're the only two who can understand it. Not so, for cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan speaks espanol too.

Next week:
It's the season finale where Ali makes a decision. Will she pick Chris or Roberto? Will she choose to remain single? If she does choose someone, will he propose? So many questions will be answered next week. Plus, Frank returns on the After the Final Rose special to face Ali for the first time. This special airs directly after the finale.

Bachelor Pad starts August 9!

The Bachelorette 7-19-10: The abridged version

2010-07-23T15:15:00.004-04:00

The final three bachelors think back about their journey up until this point while packing for Tahiti. Roberto fondly looks at a copy of the Broadway production of The Lion King, holds a baseball and smiles. Chris stands on his hotel room balcony that overlooks LA. He seems to be nodding his head like yeah to some music that only he can hear.

Frank thinks back about the connection he and Ali made from day one but realizes that he may still have unresolved feelings for his ex, Nicole. He knows that he must go see Nicole before going to Tahiti. Frank meets Nicole at her studio apartment in downtown Chicago where Nicole is wearing Ali's favorite shade of canary yellow. Oh the irony! Frank tells Nicole that he and Ali have this amazing connection and they share real feelings but Nicole has always been in the back of his mind. He says that he needed to see Nicole before going to see Ali in Tahiti to see if the feelings would resolve themselves or if there was something worth pursuing with Nicole. Nicole says that Frank has occupied her thoughts and the thought of him being with someone other than her is sickening. She tells Frank that he completes her, much like Renee Zellweger completed Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. Frank smiles, they kiss and Frank now knows that he must go tell Ali the bad news.

In Tahiti, Ali tells everyone how excited she is to be there and how excited she is to see the guys. That's when magic happens. ABC gives a shout-out to its parent company, Disney, by having Ali come out of the ocean Little Mermaid style, hair flip and all. I must find a picture of this...

Roberto's Fantasy Date
Holy pit stains, Batman! Get that man some antiperspirant asap! Roberto is so excited for his date with Ali that he claps to get himself psyched up. Earth to Roberto, this is not game day!

Ali takes Roberto on a helicopter ride to a heart-shaped island, or if you're Roberto, an island-shaped heart. Really Roberto?

Ali and Roberto spend the day swimming and frolicking in the ocean and then clean up for dinner. Roberto tells Ali that he's falling in love with her. This seems as good a time as any to present Roberto with the Fantasy Suite card, which he happily accepts. To get to the suite, they have to wade through at least four feet of water. Ali tells Roberto that he's all wet and they promptly start the stripping on clothes. I think we can all infer what happened next...

Chris' Fantasy Date
Ali takes Chris on a catamaran. They jump off the back of the boat to swim to their island destination. What is it with all the swimming and wading to islands? Sheesh. I did love the appearance of the watershoes though.

Ali and Chris look for oysters which gets a "Holy sh**!" from Chris when they finally find a pearl in one of the oysters. Ali has dreams of a pearl necklace so she grabs every oyster in sight. All in all, they find about three pearls. Sorry Ali, you'll just have to resort to buying your pearls.

Ali and Chris have a picnic on the beach and Chris tells Ali that he could see them together, however he told the camera earlier that he was in love with her. Ali presents Chris with the Fantasy Suite card, which Chris accepts. Bow chicka bow bow...

Frank's Exit
Frank finally shows up in Tahiti talking about how he should be excited to be there, but he has a break up looming over his head. Chris Harrison makes an appearance to talk to Frank first. Frank tells CH what we already know and CH is blown away. He tells Frank that Ali has pretty much said that she's crazy about him. CH wonders why Frank did a complete 180 degree turn from being all about Ali to being in love with someone else. He tells Frank that he needs to tell Ali straight up, Paula Abdul style.

Ali shows up at Frank's bungalow to pick him up for their date when Frank drops the four word phrase that no one wants to hear in a relationship, "We need to talk." Ali immediately starts crying and asks what's going on. Frank tells Ali that he has real feelings for her, blah blah, but that he's still in love with his ex. Ali asks why he didn't say anything to her sooner if he was feeling that way all along. She has a valid point, however I'm sure the producers of the show had a major say in how he could and when he could tell Ali. Drama, people, drama.
Ali: I gave up everything to be here.
Frank: I did too.
Ali: Well, apparently not everything.
Me: Oh snap.

Frank hopes that one day Ali can forgive him. Ali tells him goodbye and goes to cry under a palm tree. Chris Harrison offers a ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Ali questions why she's feeling like she is and why she hopes Frank will come back.
Me: Because you're in love with him, you idiot.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Ali recounts Frank's exit and admits that she was sad when she woke up that morning. She still has high hopes that her husband is among Chris and Roberto.

Rose Ceremony
Ali tells Roberto and Chris that Frank had some issues back home that he didn't deal with before he came here so he had to leave to deal with them. She then tells the guys that she is confident that Frank was not for her and that she is confident that the right guys are here for her. Chris and Roberto are presented with their roses.

Next week:
The Men Tell All episode airs. What do the guys really think of Kasey? What is Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan forcasting now? Despite having Justin and Frank in the previews, they do not make an appearance on the show. We haven't see the last of Frank yet, he just isn't on The Men Tell All. As for Justin, well, I don't know. I'm sure he'll be drug through the mud some more even without being at the taping.

In two weeks:
Chris and Roberto meet Ali's family and have their last dates with her before she makes her decision.

In my opinion, I think Ali had already made her mind up that Frank was it for her. Just the fact that she was so devastated when he left and said that she was confident he'd be one of the guys meeting her family only confirms it for me. With that said, I think she doesn't pick either Chris or Roberto at the end. She's said all along her biggest fear was that she'd fall for someone (Frank) who couldn't love her back and/or leave her (Frank). I think that once he left, she knew she'd only be settling for second best in her heart and so she decides not to choose anyone. I think she'll take some heat for that decision but I would rather she do that than string someone along knowing the relationship was doomed from the get-go.

We'll see. I could be totally wrong. Only time will tell! :)

The Bachelorette 7-12-10

2010-07-13T07:57:00.002-04:00

Home Sweet Home or The Taxidermist Is In

This week Ali’s mantourage takes her home to meet the parents…Focker’s style.

Roberto
First up, Ali travels to Tampa to meet Roberto and his familia. He meets Ali at his alma mater, The University of Tampa. Hey, my sister is going to college there! Small world.

Ali claims ignorance in what she and Roberto could be doing for their date. Roberto takes Ali to his old stomping grounds, a baseball field, where he lets Ali wear one of his old jerseys. Roberto dons a baseball uniform, which Ali thinks is the sexiest thing a guy could wear. I personally love men that wear t-shirts with the periodic table of elements on them..

Ali and Roberto play baseball (badly) for a little while and then they have a picnic. Roberto presents Ali with a baseball card of himself. For reals? Turns out, Roberto used to play baseball with a team from Ali’s hometown. So what happens if she doesn’t choose Roberto? She’s stuck with a baseball card of him…lame.

Everyone in Roberto’s family is named after someone else in the family. Roberto is named after his father and Roberto’s sister is named the same name as his mother (Olda?). And then there’s his brother, Peter (I think). Got the short end of the name stick, did we? I bet he has middle-child syndrome. We know who isn’t the favorite...

Roberto Sr. wants to play hard-ball with Ali because Roberto Jr. is a prize. Which is why Sr. takes Ali to see Jr.’s trophies, but he doesn’t want to brag or anything. Sr. Roberto is concerned that Ali has too many goals she wants to accomplish and that she won’t be able to be there for Jr. Roberto.

Roberto’s family gives their blessing for Roberto to propose to Ali. Then they dance. Opa! Oh wait, wrong culture..

Chris
Next up, Ali travels to Cape Cod to meet Chris’ family. Oh look at the cute dog! Chris likes to hang and chill at the beach. Totally.
Chris: Right now, there’re whales having sex out there. You can’t see it, but it’s happening…right now.

Chris and Ali pretend to be an old married couple who like to sit on the porch and talk about their day.

Chris’ dad (Ed), brothers and sisters-in-law make their appearance. Everyone is a brunette except Ali and Ed…but his is white-ish, so that doesn’t count.

Chris’ mom used a fake id to get in a bar and that’s how she met Ed. It was love at first sight.
Ed dad thinks that it speaks volumes that both Ali and Chris have the fact that they both dropped everything to care for a sick loved one. Sisters-in-law are worried for him and his feelings. Dad is too cute for words. So is Chris’ dog.

Kirk
Get your cheese-head hats ready folks because we’re headed to Green Bay, Wisconsin! The banjo music in the background is freaking me out. Kirk’s parents are divorced so Ali has to go to two different houses because his parents aren’t on speaking terms. Ali thinks Kirk may have developed trust issues because of this. You think?

Ali meets Kirk’s dad (Pete), stepmother and sister first. Kirk is nervous because his dad has never spent an entire day with anyone he has dated. This may be why…
Dad: So Ali, would you like to go see my basement?

Pete is a taxidermist. He also has a freezer where he keeps the animals before he taxidermies them, along with other frozen treats like popsicles. Yum! I’m going to have nightmares. Nevertheless, Pete approves of Ali.

Now Ali and Kirk are headed to his mother’s house. Ali will meet his grandmother, his mom (Tina) and another girl whose relation to Kirk I didn’t catch. They’re eating cheesy potatoes, meatloaf and carrots. I love cheesy potatoes and carrots. Maybe I should marry Kirk..

I can’t get over Tina’s teeth. I have a thing for dental hygiene and nice teeth. Fine, I’m a tooth snob, just say it. She seems like a nice lady though. Mom approves of Ali as well.

Side note: I think Ali has worn the same pair of skinny jeans on every date thus far.

Frank
Now let’s head to the Windy City to meet Frank’s parents. Ali must have read what I wrote about her outfit choices because she has ditched the skinny jeans for wide-leg sailor pants. Ali’s greeting to Frank has been the most excited she’s been this whole episode. She loves her some Frankie boy.

Ali and Frank take a boat ride and Ali brings up the fact that she could be meeting her potential in-laws. Frank goes into analyzing mode. He rambles and blubbers on about this and that. I kind of tuned it out. I really dislike the hometown date episode. It’s always soooo boring, except for Kirk’s taxidermist dad, that was fun.

Ali needs Frank to suck it up and take it like a man. She thinks he seems nervous. Whatever has he to be nervous about? It couldn’t possibly be about the girl he’s shown to go meeting at what appears to be a hotel..

Ali is meeting Frank’s mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law. Frank’s mom and Ali hit it off. Frank worries that this might be just another relationship that eventually fizzles. Ali’s got some major roots going on. Frank says he’s ready to get married but that love has many elements to it…or something like that. Ali thinks that it’s a good possibility that she and Frank will end up together at the end. Um..

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Ali recaps each hometown date for Chris Harrison. She thinks that Roberto is like a fairytale guy that she never thought she’d deserve. Ali thinks that the support system Chris and his family have going on is beautiful. She says that their relationship went forward leaps and bounds but worries that it might be too late. Ali knows now that Kirk’s upbringing isn’t going to hold him back in relationships but wonders if he’s the type of guy that’s right for her. Ali was the most excited to see Frank. Ali worries about Frank being insecure about his relationship with her.

Chris asks Ali if she feels like her husband is here. She pauses for a long time before answering. She says that she feels stronger about a couple of the guys here than she did with Jake when she told Jake on her hometown date that she’d accept a proposal from him. Then she starts crying. Way to go Chris.

Rose Ceremony: 3 Bachelors Remain
Roberto
Chris
Frank

Next week…
The fantasy overnight dates begin in Tahiti. The poop hits the fan.

Heads up on next’s week recap…I will be on vacation so the blog will be up next weekend at the earliest. It seems like next week is going to be kind of eventful and juicy, so I’ll at least put up some thoughts, just maybe not a full recap. Don’t cry for me Argentina.

Jake & Vienna: The Interview

2010-07-06T08:26:00.006-04:00

Remember when Bachelor, Jake Pavelka, chose his true love Vienna Girardi and popped the question? Remember when he appeared on “Dancing With the Stars” and Vienna was on the side lines cheering him on week after week? All that changed one fateful June weekend when Jake was filming an appearance on “Drop Dead Diva” and Vienna was seen partying with “Greek” star Gregory Michael. That’s when the stories start to differ. Vienna told her story to Star magazine and Jake told his side to People magazine. In order to set the record straight, the estranged couple decided to sit down with Chris Harrison. Let the mud-slinging begin!
*Disclaimer: I was a Jake fan during his stint on Jillian’s season of “The Bachelorette” but that quickly dissipated during his run as the Bachelor. Something about him just didn’t sit right with me. Now I guess I know why.

He Said:
-Chris Harrison sits down with Jake first. Jake says that he was gone for a couple of days and everything went to hell in a hand-basket. He says that the relationship was taking a turn for the worse but that he was willing to fight for it. Jake says that he didn’t do anything wrong.
-Jake questions her fidelity. She denies any cheating and says that she didn’t even meet the man in question, Gregory Michael, until after a hospital charity event she attended the night she allegedly cheated on him. She says they danced one dance but that they hardly know each other. Jake asks about another guy who was at Vienna’s apartment the same night. She says that it was a gay guy friend who works at a clothing store who was dropping off a dress for her to wear to the charity event. Oh snap!
-Jake says that Vienna would throw temper-tantrums and sulk in the bathroom.
-Jake says that he is constantly undermined by Vienna. Methinks Jake has control issues.
-Jake says that there is more to relationships than sex. True, but being intimate with someone doesn't always have to mean sex.
-He knows he doesn’t want a selfish woman. Wait, wasn’t Vienna the one that moved across the country to be with him?

She Said:
-Vienna says that the relationship started changing about a month into the relationship. She claims that there was some emotional abuse on Jake’s part and he has a bit of a temper. She says that he was emotionally distant and wouldn’t even kiss her without being asked first.
-Chris asks why she took her story to a tabloid. Basically, Vienna says that she knew that Jake would run to the first media outlet he could so she figured she’d beat him to the punch. She says that she’s had no say in the relationship so she wanted to make sure she could tell her side of the story.
-Vienna calls Jake a ‘fame whore’ and says that she thought they were going to go back to Florida and Dallas after DWTS so he could resume his pilot duties, but he’s still running around chasing fame.
-Vienna claims that fidelity was never an issue in their relationship until Jake brought it up after they broke up.
-Chris mentions that Vienna got paid nicely for telling her side of the story. He wonders why she took it so far as to air all the dirty laundry. She says that it wasn’t about the money and that their relationship was public from day one.
-Vienna says that they had broken up twice and that both times Jake had promised he would try to change and be more affectionate with her.
-Vienna says that unless a woman has no self-worth and just wants a man to control her, Jake won’t find happiness

My favorite exchange went something like this:
Vienna was talking about moving back to Dallas so Jake could resume his pilot duties, but obviously that wasn't going to happen because he was still in LA chasing fame.
Jake: Well, at least I have a job.
Vienna: Excuse me? I have a job, thank you very much. You told me to get a job, so I did. I'm working marketing for a philanthropy group for cancer patients at a hospital.
Me: Oh snap! In your face Jakey boy!

Both parties claim that they initiated the break up.

Vienna says that she’s done talking about the situation but that she’s sorry she went about everything the way she did. She says that she knows Jake and knows that he would have done it if she didn’t. He then says that she doesn't know him and that he wouldn’t have gone about it the way Vienna did. Vienna starts to say something when Jake yells “Stop interrupting me!” Woah there Jakey boy. I think he's a thrower when he gets angry. Ya know, someone who throws objects when they get mad? I imagine Jake’s temper is a more of a factor than Vienna is letting on. Vienna bursts into tears and storms off, only to lock herself in a bathroom.

Jake says that their communication level is (obviously) the major factor in why their relationship didn’t work. You think?

So did Jake and Vienna really fall in love or was it all for the ratings and cameras? I think in their own way they did fall in love. No one can prove otherwise. Each is guilty in the relationship but I’m more apt to believe Vienna’s side, especially about Jake and his fame-whoreness and now seeing his temper. You could tell he was seething. You don’t get the nickname ‘Mr. Dateless’ for no reason.

No one will really know the whole truth except Jake and Vienna, but I think it’s safe to say that some conclusions can be drawn from both sides and where the stories overlap. Now here’s hoping both go away, and quickly.

The Bachelorette 7-5-10

2010-07-06T08:07:00.005-04:00

Ali and her mantourage make their final stop on their tour-o-the-world in Lisbon, Portugal. This week the pressure is on and the dates will determine who the final four guys will be who get to take Ali home to meet the parental units. There will be four dates this week and no date roses.

The guys check into their sweet digs and Ty finds the first date card, which is for Roberto. Ali wants Roberto to the king of her castle. So that’s what they’re calling it these days…

Roberto’s Individual Date
Ali picks up Roberto wearing a sparkly skirt and speaking her best Portuguese. Ali and Roberto take random action shots on the streets of Portugal, which has their own version of the Queen’s royal guards. Music is apparently really playing in the streets and just not through our TV speakers because Roberto starts slow dancing with Ali. The trolley system in Portugal is just like San Fran! No really, it is!

Back at the suite…
Another date card arrives. This time the date is a 2-1 with Frank and Ty. Frank is none too pleased about this news. But really, is Frank ever happy about anything involving Ali and another guy?

Ali and Roberto have a picnic on the steps of a castle. Roberto says he isn’t nervous about taking Ali home to meet his family. Ali thinks Roberto is a man of mystery. Ooo, like Austin Powers but not as promiscuous.. Ali’s main issue with Roberto is that he could be too good to be true.

Frank and Ty 2-1
Ali is taking Frank and Ty on a time travel excursion in a helicopter. They stop at a castle which was a gift to Queen Isabella from her husband. Being that ABC is owned by Disney, Bambi makes an appearance. They sit down for dinner and the awkwardness sets in.
Ali: Where’s the wine? I need to get schwasted asap. Anyone else?
Frank and Ty: Yes, please!

Ali pulls Ty away for some alone time. Ty says that his parents would love her but Ali wonders what his mom would think about her wanting to work. He says she’d be okay with it because as long as he’s happy, his mom is happy.
Ty: I’m all about female empowerment. Empowering women to stay home, make the man’s dinner and raise the kids.

Back at the suite…
Another date card arrives. This date is for Kirk. It reads, “Once upon a time…”
Chris: Well Cinderella, we’ve got to get you ready for the ball.
*Yes, he really said that. I never have to make up his lines. He does the work for me.

Next up for alone time is Frank. Frank is worried that it’d be a bad sign for he and Ali if she didn’t like his family.
Me: No poop Sherlock.

Frank shares with Ali that he lives at home with his parents. Wait, this is new news? I thought we covered this on night one. Anywho, Ali tells Frank that he is everything she’s ever wanted, but she has the same fears about him that he has about her. What, like you love him but he doesn’t love you back? Oops…spoiler alert?

Kirk’s Individual Date
Ali and Kirk stop for lunch and drink really tall beers. A horse-drawn carriage arrives to take Kirk and Ali to their next destination. They finally stop at a castle where Kirk picks up on Ali’s reluctance. Kirk says that he’s just as nervous as Ali is since he hasn’t brought a girl home to meet the folks for over three years.

Ali and Kirk spruce themselves up and have dinner on the castle terrace. Ali acknowledges that she was a bit distant during their date. Kirk wants Ali to be open and honest with him, good or bad. Ali worries that whomever she ends up with that she won’t be good enough a year from now for them.

Back at the suite…
The last date card arrives. Chris gets the final individual date, on the day of the Rose Ceremony. The card says something about love getting better with age. The guys feel this is appropriate for Chris since he is the oldest guy left.

Two guitarists and an old lady start serenading Kirk and Ali. One of the guitarists looks like Joe Mantegna, from Criminal Minds.

Chris’s Individual Date
Ali is only digging Chris as a friend right now. That’s fine Ali, send him my way. Ali takes Chris to their ride for the day, a moped. Chris drives like an old man.
Chris: I can’t kill the Bachelorette, that wouldn’t look good.

Ali thinks their relationship is progressing too slowly. Ali jumps into the driver’s seat and thinks that it will help speed up the relationship a bit. Oh Ali, you and your relationship metaphors. Ali tries to get Chris to open up more by talking about his mom. You can tell that it’s still hard for him to talk about her. Invisible hug time.

Ali and Chris take their date to a winery. Ali is glad that Chris has opened up but thinks that it might be too little too late. Chris gives Ali a present. It’s called a “Dennis bracelet” named after the guy who makes the bracelets. Chris says that his sister wears the one that was his mom’s.

Rose Ceremony…4 Bachelors Remain
Chris
Frank
Roberto
Kirk

Ali walks Ty to the waiting limo. Ty is disappointed. Ali didn’t see them working out in the long run. Ty needs a lady that wants to be a stay-at-home mom and isn’t career driven. I’m sure there’s a lady out there like that for you, buddy.

Next week:
The remaining bachelors take Ali home to meet their families. Kirk’s dad is a taxidermist. Roberto impresses Ali in his baseball uniform. Ali is the first girl Chris has brought home since his mom passed. Frank and Ali have reservations about their relationship. Frank hugs some *random* girl...oh snap, trouble is a-brewin!

Lolz to the cat eating Ali and Roberto’s food.

Bachelorette 6-28-10

2010-06-29T08:07:00.004-04:00

For those of you who enjoy a good spoiler or two, Reality Steve will be releasing Bachelor Pad spoilers within the week. No worries though, the winner won’t be spoiled since the cast-off contestants will be reuniting ‘live’ to vote on a winner.

Also at some point during next week’s Bachelorette newly broken up Jake and Vienna will be sitting down with Chris Harrison to share their story. The pair taped the appearance last week and things got heated…allegedly. Reports are that Jake physically threatened Vienna, however ABC has denied this. I guess we’ll see for ourselves next week. Personally, I’m leaning toward being Team Vienna which is something I’d never thought I’d say. More on that next week. Remember that saying, “There’s his side and her side and then there’s the truth.”

Onto this week’s most.dramatic.episode.of.the.Bachelorette.ever. No really, it is.

This week finds Ali and her mantourage in Istanbul, Turkey. Just when Ali says that she doesn’t think that anything could go wrong there’s a knock on the door.
Chris Harrison: Surprise! Listen, I know you think nothing can rain on your parade, but I’m here to tell you that a little black rain cloud is about to put a damper on things. Get it? Cloud, rain...no? Ok.

He tells Ali that something has come to their attention. Jessie Sudelis, also from Jake’s season, contacted producers with some information that she thought Ali should know. CH promptly phones Jessie to get to the bottom of this. The phone rings forever before someone finally answers.

Jessie tells Ali that Justin has a girlfriend and she knows this because she is friends with his girlfriend, Jessica, and then hands over the phone to said girlfriend. Jessica explains to Ali that Justin told her that he wanted to go on the show to promote his career and wanted to at least make the top three. Then she drops another bomb: Justin has another girlfriend that she just found out about. Oh snap!

Ali seems confused and you know that the producers are totally eating this up. You know that they knew that this would happen when Justin was cast on the show. People are cast for storyline and drama. Ali wants to confront Justin and put him on the first plane back to Canada.

The guys seem confused as to why Ali and CH show up at their suite when Ali says, “I know this journey has been difficult for all of you, but especially you Justin because you must be missing your girlfriend back in Canada.” Oh snap! She starts laying into him about how he was telling her he was there for the right reasons, how much his family means to him and how much being a family man means to him when Justin shakes his head and storms off.
Ali: Sit down and take it like man!
Justin: I’d rather just not talk about it. I don’t have a girlfriend. Peace out. I’m out.
CH: You’re not even going to talk to her about it?
Justin: F-you.
Me: Oh no you didn’t!

Ali is physically shaken as Justin storms out of the suite. Chris Harrison and Ali run after him. Justin tells Ali that he’ll talk to her off camera and tells her not to touch him. Justin tries everything to get away from Ali and the camera crew by jumping over walls and things. The guys watch with giddy delight out their windows.

Justin eventually returns to, um, be a man and talk to Ali. Justin acknowledges that he knows that Ali wants to rip his head off. Yeah, Ali and every female watching the show. He claims that Jessica is one of his best friends and was semi-attached to her but he really did come into this with his heart open. Um, okay? He denies that he came on the show to promote his career and that he’s called Jessica numerous times during his time on the show. Ali says that she came here to find a husband and he’s screwing with that because she willingly made the choice to be unemployed and homeless for the chance to find love and him taking the spot of someone else could have ruined her shot at love. The agony! The betrayal!

As Justin is shown leaving, phone messages he left Jessica while he was filming the show are played in the background. They basically all profess his love for her, how he’s always thinking of her, and how much he wants to marry her. Busted!

The guys are busy discussing their Justin hatred and how glad they are that he’s gone when a date card arrives. The date is an individual one for Ty, whom Ali wants to get steamy with.

Ty’s Individual Date
I could do without that weird necklace Ty was wearing. Ali and Ty peruse a bazaar and take in some sights. They then make a visit to a traditional Turkish bath. Typically, only men are allowed in the baths, but the government of Turkey is making an exception for Ali. Uh, okay. How about ABC paid a crap-load of money to the Turkish government get Ali in. Sounds more plausible to me.

Back at the suite…
The next date card arrives. This date is a group date for Chris, Roberto, Kirk and Craig. This means that Frank gets the final individual date in Turkey. Craig is frustrated that everyone else has had an individual date except him. Um, maybe that’s because Ali doesn’t like you like that? I don’t know, just throwing that out there.

Ty would like to come back to Turkey for his and Ali’s honeymoon. Woah, cowboy, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. At dinner Ty and Ali talk about the things that they like about each other. Ty also opens up about his divorce. Ty says that he wanted more traditional male/female roles in his marriage because that’s what he grew up with, which contributed to his divorce. However, he now sees that it doesn’t have to be like that.
Me: Man! Make me a sammich!
Jennifer Aniston: I want you to want to do the dishes.
Vince Vaughn: Why would I want to do the dishes?

Ty gets the date rose. They then go dancing in the street, just like the Lionel Richie song.

Group Date
Ali has brought the guys to a 15th century fortress for the date. Ali says that there won’t be a rose on the date but there is an opportunity for one guy to have some alone time with her at the end of the night. To get this alone time, the guys will have to fight for it. Cue burly, oiled up Turkish men.
Chris: There’s four of them and four of us…*counts on fingers, ponders fate*

Ali informs the guys that they will be wrestling each other for the alone time.
Chris: We have to fight greasy, oiled up men in tight pants. Say what? I usually dip bread in olive oil or cook asparagus on the grill with it.

Professional Turkish wrestlers: 1 Bachelorette dudes: 0
Now the guys have to wrestle each other. Craig takes Chris down. Yes, I’m confused about this as well. Roberto easily wins over Kirk. It comes down to Roberto and Craig. One will win the alone time with Ali. Craig wins. I hallucinated that right? Right?

Craig and Ali take a boat ride to a tower for some dessert and champagne. Craig wants to take his olive oil wrestling career to the next level. I’ll give Craig this, he may not be the cutest in the bunch but he seems to be a genuinely nice, funny guy.

Back at the suite…
Roberto is commiserating his loss to Craig in the olive oil wrestling match. Frank’s date card arrives. It says that love is bizarre…or maybe it said bazaar? Haha, how clever the writers are! Not…

Frank’s Individual Date
Ali and Frank go to the Spice Bazaar. They try some pistachio flavored candies, buy some aphrodisiacs and try on a sultan hat and a belly dancer outfit. A creepy Turkish man tries to sell them a rug.
Frank: I’m not buying a carpet.
Salesman: I throw in other rug for free!
Frank: I’m not buying a carpet.

Nevertheless, Frank is carrying a carpet into a building where he and Ali are having dinner. They’re eating on a platform surrounded by water. Frank says that he plans on proposing once and being married once. Ali says that her relationship with Frank scares her because she can’t control who falls in love with her or that whomever she falls in love with loves her back. Frank calms Ali fears and gets the date rose.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Ali informs Chris Harrison that she doesn’t feel that she needs to have a cocktail party to help her make her decision. She says that she feels like she’s had a connection with every guy except one. Hmm, wonder who that could be?
CH: Sorry guys, no need to plead your case in front of the jury tonight. Craig, the tribe has spoken. *extinguishes imaginary torch* How was my Probst impression? When his contract expires with Survivor, I am so in. *fist pump*

Rose Ceremony…5 Bachelors Remain
Ty (Individual Date Rose)
Frank (Individual Date Rose)
Roberto
Chris
Kirk

Next week…
The journey continues in Lisbon, Portugal. It looks like all the remaining guys get some kind of individual date with Ali.
A preview of the hometown dates; one bachelor has an interesting hobby: taxidermy *gulp*. The overnight dates take place in Tahiti where one bachelor appears to be dropping a bombshell on Ali. Did Ali waste her time on this journey? So much drama!

The Bachelorette 6-21-10

2010-06-22T08:00:00.005-04:00

Bachelor Pad
The cast and premier date of Bachelor/Bachelorette spin-off, Bachelor Pad, has finally been announced! The reality love/game show will air on August 9 and will air six episodes.

The premise of the show is that the cast will compete in various challenges and the winner will secure him/herself another couple days in the mansion and be safe from elimination. The winner of the challenges will also get to invite a member of the opposite sex on a date and at the end of the date can choose to award a rose, thus saving that person from elimination as well. The guys will vote off the girls and the girls will vote off the guys. At the end of it all, one lucky cast member could walk away with a sizable cash prize (250K) and/or a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Of course everyone’s favorite host Chris Harrison returns and he will be joined by Melissa Rycroft-Strickland. Melissa, as you will remember, was Bachelor Jason Mesnick’s original choice. Someone’s still working on those 15 minutes, eh?

Word on the street is that many of the contestants have already hooked up before the show started shooting. Elizabeth Kitt and Jesse Kovacs had a fling. Natalie Getz and Jesse Kovacs made out on one of the reunion cruises. Nikki Kappke and Juan Barbieri were involved in a love triangle and Kiptyn Locke and Tenley Molzhan have been talking regularly and have seen each other a couple times. Juicy!

All in all, this should be some good, dramatic tv. Hooray for brain rot! And yes, I will be blogging this show. How can I not?

The cast is as follows (Go to ABC.com for pictures):
Gwen Gioia – The Bachelor: Aaron Burge
Krisily Kennedy – The Bachelor: Charlie O’Connell
Peyton Wright – The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman (Andy Baldwin)
Natalie Getz, Nikki Kappke – The Bachelor: Jason Mesnick
Juan Barbieri, David Good, Wes Hayden, Jesse Kovacs, Kiptyn Locke – The Bachelorette: Jillian Harris
Gia Allemand, Ashley Elmore, Elizabeth Kitt, Michelle Kujawa, Tenley Molzhan, Jessie Sulidis – The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (Jake Pavelka)
Jesse Beck, Craig McKinnon, Jonathan Novack – The Bachelorette: Ali Fedotowsky

Now onto Ali and her Icelandic adventures…

Ok, new drinking game. Every time Kasey says “guard and protect her heart” you have to take a drink of something, alcoholic or not. Ready, set, go!

The guys take a cartoon airplane from New York to Iceland. Ty can’t believe that anyone would dream of going to Iceland to find love. That’s because no one would, Ty. Roberto wants to heat Iceland up.

Why is everyone in winter coats except Harrison? He must be a superhero or something.

There will be a group date, an individual date and a 2-1 date this week. In order to get the individual date, the guys must write a love poem to Ali. Ali will decide whose poem is best and that guy gets the date. Chris Harrison adds that the guys will get extra points if they can add in an Icelandic word. Kasey thinks that two hours is not nearly enough time to put your heart and soul into a poem. It takes me two hours to just come up with a haiku…

The guys present their poems to Ali. Craig R. made up some Icelandic words. Kasey will guard and protect Ali’s heart with his poem. *Drink* He also mumbled the poem so much so that even the subtitle people couldn’t decipher what he was saying. Roberto needs to stick to Spanish and French. Chris L. is wearing bright blue shoes. Chris N. (aka Ryan Sutter impersonator) forgot the lines to his poem so he made something up, which didn’t rhyme at all. Kirk rocked it, not gonna lie. In Rated-R Justin terms, he laid the smack down. Frank thinks his poem is da bomb, but then he crossed his legs and ruined the moment.

Ali picks Kirk for the individual date.

Kirk’s Individual Date
Kirk sneaks up on Ali and she pretends to be surprised. They go to a local shop and model the latest Icelandic fashions. They end up wearing the same ugly sweater.

They go to a local coffee shop and Ali immediately starts grilling Kirk on his dating history. Kirk says that he hasn’t ever dated anyone for longer than a year but he can’t say a bad thing about any girl he’s dated. This makes Ali nervous.

Back at the apartment…
Frank doesn’t think that Kirk will get the date rose. A date card arrives. Roberto, Chris L., Chris N., Craig R., Ty, and Frank are going on the group date. This means that Rated-R Justin and Kasey are going on the 2-1 date. One will stay, one will go.

Ali, Kirk and their matching sweaters go to a lobster house for dinner. Kirk reveals that a couple years ago he got so sick to the point where he wasn’t sure he’d live. He suffered from mold poisoning for over a year and a half. Sounded like a job for Dr. House.

Kirk gets the date rose.

Back at the apartment…
Frank thinks that Kasey is being pushed over the edge by this experience. Newsflash, Kasey’s been over the edge for, like, a while. Frank urges Kasey to show Ali his tattoo. Kasey likes the physical pain (ie from a tattoo) but mental pain is too big a burden. Remember crazy Michelle from Jake’s season? She and Kasey would be perfect together. They can be all intense and brooding together. I’m sure only they would get the depth of love or some junk like that.

Group Date
Ali is taking the guys to explore Iceland on ponies. My Little Ponies to be exact. Chris L. fell off his horse and Cowboy Ty came to his rescue. Once everyone safely dismounts, Ali tells them that they’re going to go spelunking, aka cave exploring.
Me: While you’re all down there, pick me up some bat guano so I can have Billy the Exterminator can make me some mascara.

Back at the apartment…kind of…
Justin gets his cast removed.
Justin: This is one small step for Justin, one giant leap for Rated-R.

Chris L. makes sure that he’s the first one down in the cave so he can get some alone time with Ali while the other guys are making their way down. Well played, Chris, well played.

Later, Ali and her mantourage head to the Blue Lagoon which is a lake with magical powers. Ali strips off her snowsuit and the guys couldn’t get out of theirs’ fast enough. It was like all of their eyes turned into cartoons when Ali was standing there in her bikini. Hey, wasn’t she just deathly ill in the last episode and now she’s standing in a bikini in freezing temperatures? Shenanigans.

Methinks Ali was a touch drunk on this date. Between her cackling during her alone time with Chris L. and her rambling with Frank and Ty, I would say it’s a safe bet she was two sheets to the wind.

Ali picks up the date rose which is frosted over and Ali goes: “It’s like the Beauty and the Beast rose!” Oh yeah, totally wasted. Ty gets the date rose.

Kasey/Justin 2-1 Date
Please tell me I hallucinated and that Kasey isn’t really wearing a Burberry scarf…

Still hungover from her group date, Ali picks up Justin and Kasey and takes them in a helicopter to see a volcano up close. Ironically the same volcano that caused the airport havoc a few months ago, Mt. Ejskrudnskjsigsk, ect. The helicopter lands on the volcano.
Kasey: Oh snap! That’s whickty whickty whack.

Justin equates the date to a wrestling match. Kasey, his opponent, is going to get pinned and be taken out. Justin will then hold the championship belt, in this case Ali, in the air. Oh Justin, you and your wrestling analogies have just about worn out their welcome.

Ali, Kasey and Justin hop back into the helicopter and make their way to a glacier. Kasey thinks that the best case scenario is that he gets a kiss and the rose. They make their way to an ice cave complete with ice furniture. I would think one’s bum would get a tad cold.

Kasey is shown whittling an ice pick to guard and protect Ali’s heart with. *Drink*
Ali says that the only thing Kasey has to do on the date is be normal. Sorry Ali, Kasey’s about ready to rock your world. Kasey whips out the tattoo and Ali is flabbergasted. I’m pretty sure he said “guard and protect” about 5 times, so drink up. At least he acknowledged that he’s going to be stuck with that tattoo forever, but unfortunately for Kasey, getting a tattoo loosely related to a girl you just met is a little, uh, weird.

Justin gets the date rose and Kasey is left to guard and protect the glacier.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Justin: Kasey came, he sang, he got a tattoo but unfortunately it was him or me and he had to go.

OMG, Chris N. actually speaks! And then he goes mute again. The guys think that Ali and Chris N. are “once a year brunch friends.” HA.

Dear Chris L., if Ali doesn’t want to marry you, I will. Seriously, hook a sister up.

Chris Harrison just said “guard and protect.” You know what that means.

Harrison plays armchair psychiatrist and says that Ali is afraid of letting herself fall in love and then asks what she’s afraid of. Ali said her fear is that she’ll fall in love and not be loved back. Sounds like a recurring theme, no? Methinks that does not bode well for the end of this season.

Rose Ceremony: 7 Bachelors Remain
Kirk (Individual Date Rose)
Ty (Group Date Rose)
Justin (2-1 Date Rose)
Frank
Chris L.
Roberto
Craig R.

Next week…
Ali and the guys continue their journey around the world with a stop in Istanbul, Turkey. Ty gets an individual date. Frank gets another individual date. The guys get shirtless and wrastle. Ali gets a shocking phone call that claims that one guy has a girlfriend, which leads to a dramatic confrontation.

The Bachelorette 6-14-10

2010-06-15T07:40:00.004-04:00

Hop on down to crazy town. OR Dude, what’s with all the singing?

Ali and the guys begin their tour-o-the-world in New York City. Chris L. lived in NYC for five years so he equates this to having the home field advantage. Mmmkay.

Meanwhile, Ali wants to look good for her men so she gets a makeover and does a photo shoot with InStyle magazine. Look for Ali’s photo spread in the July issue. Do I get some kind of commission for plugging this??

The boys arrive in NYC and move into their new digs, the 35th floor of a really tall building. Frank says that the only thing that would make it better is if he and Ali were the only two living there. Weatherman thinks they’re living the life…cool, man! A date card arrives and it’s an individual date for Kasey. All the other guys go into bummed/jealous mode.

Kasey’s One-On-One
Kasey has old-man patches on the elbows of his jacket. He has many mixed emotions floating through his mind and body. Chris L. thinks that Kasey closes his eyes and sees doves, hearts and unicorns around Ali and that they run towards each other in slow motion in a field of flowers…or something.

Kasey and Ali hop into a helicopter and take an aerial tour of NYC. Kasey says a lot of mumbo jumbo about butterflies, being open to love and protecting hearts. They sit down and have a picnic. Then he starts singing. And just when you think he’s finished, he starts another verse.
Kasey: Pretty intense stuff.
Me: *Blink* Oh lawd…
Ali: *Awkward laugh* *Gulps down wine*

Ali and Kasey head to the Museum of Natural History. They chase each other around the hallways with flashlights. Wait, did they break in? Why do they have lanterns and flashlights?
Kasey: I’m not an average guy. *Makes monkey noises*
Me: No sh**.

Back the apartment…
Roberto, Jesse, Craig, Kirk, Jonathan, Frank, and Ty receive a date card informing them that they’ll be going on a group date with Ali.

Ali and Kasey have another picnic in what looks like the sea room of the museum. Kasey tells Ali to jump in and stay a while in his heart. And then he starts singing again.
Me: The noise! Make it stop! My ears!

Ali thinks that Kasey is just feeding her lines and isn’t being real and genuine. She tells him that she can’t give him the date rose BUT she doesn’t want him to leave just yet. So, Kasey doesn’t get the date rose but he’s not going home yet. Following?

Group Date:
The guys head on down to Times Square where Ali pops up on a jumbo screen. She tells them that they have to find her in the “concrete jungle.” Uh, isn’t NYC itself known as the concrete jungle? Luckily one of the guys notices the Lion King banner on one of the buildings where Ali is standing in the window beckoning them to come up.

The guys are told that they will learn some of the choreography and will be judged. The guy that does the best will get alone time with Ali. Weatherman thinks that he’s got it in the bag. You know who Weatherman reminds me of? Oprah couch jumping Tom Cruise. I think they’re both slightly off-center and both have short-man’s disease.

I liked the bike shorts the guys were made to wear. Jesse had the best singing voice but Roberto decided to take it up a notch and sing directly to Ali. Rico Suave. Shock, Roberto gets the alone time with Ali. Surprise! Roberto and Ali get to be part of the Lion King production. I pity the people that paid money for tickets that night…

Roberto and Ali learn their routine while the rest of the guys plot Roberto’s demise.
Weatherman: The forecast was for sunny skies and then all of a sudden this storm just came up and took a sh** on my face. A sh** storm. I need to take a shower.

Ali and Roberto have their moment on stage and don’t screw it up. And that, kids, is the circle of life. Ba da dum.

After the show, it’s the after party. After the party, it’s the hotel lobby. Nothing like a little R. Kelly Remix to Ignition.

Frank and Ali head outside for some alone time. Ali thinks that being sick and being outside in the rain is probably not a smart decision. Uh, yeah. Also not smart, kissing multiple guys while you’re sick.

Back at the apartment…
Another date card arrives. The individual date goes to Chris L., who it also happens to be his birthday.

Craig R. thinks that it’s going to be he and Ali in the end. Weatherman tries to interrupt and bombs.

Ali decides that she’s not feeling well enough to give out a rose and calls it a night. Kirk heads up to Ali’s room to tuck her in. She asks him to sing her a lullaby. Oh no! No more singing for the love of pete! Luckily, Kirk doesn’t sing and leaves once Ali is asleep. Kudos to Kirk, though, for taking care of Ali when she was sick. That’s always a good quality in a man, I think.

Chris L.’s One-On-One
Ali is still feeling under the weather so instead of canceling Chris’s date altogether she invites him to spend some time with her in her suite. Chris says this happens in real life so this will show Ali that he’s good husband material. Chris brings Ali flowers and they eat chicken soup.

Back at the apartment…
The guys notice that Kasey is missing. Kirk says that Kasey mentioned he was going to do something big. Cut to Kasey walking into a tattoo parlor. Dun dun.. Kasey has decided that he’s going to get a tattoo of a shield protecting a heart on a wrist. He’s doing this for Ali because this will show her how crazy…er…serious he is about guarding and protecting her heart.

Ali says she is feeling much better so she wants to go out and do part of the date that she originally had planned. Chris wants to thank the chefs for whatever they put in Ali’s soup. Cold-curing roofies.

Ali takes Chris somewhere where they have a private room. They talk about Chris’ mom some more, which makes me sad. Ali pulls out a phone for Chris to call his dad on his birthday. Aw.

Back at the apartment…
A bandaged Kasey returns. Kasey tells the guys that he burned himself which is why he’s been gone all day. Rated-R Justin calls his bluff. You know it’s bad when Justin thinks you’re a liar.

Ali thinks Chris is awesome and gives him the date rose. Ali has one more surprise for Chris. They head up to the roof where Ali’s favorite singer, Joshua Radain, serendes them. Also there is the Harlem Boys Choir. I am not impressed with this Joshua Radain person.

PreRose Ceremony
Craig R: We’ve got a lot of good guys here…except for Justin.

Kasey is going to show Ali that he wears his heart on his sleeve *wink wink* and hope that Ali wants to keep him around.

Weatherdude wants to show Ali that he can do other things beside predict weather patterns. Oh lawd…he’s singing and playing guitar. They should have just made this season into a musical for pete’s sake.

Hey look, there’s Chris N. whom we haven’t heard two words out of all season. Justin thinks it’s going to be fun to lay the smackdown on Kasey.

Justin doesn’t want liars in the house. He says that if you’re able to lie to the guys in the house then you’ll be able to lie to Ali. Hello pot, meet kettle.
Kasey finally decides to show the guys his tattoo. Kasey thinks that the guys think that his tattoo is awesome and was courageous. HA.
Chris: You’re going to be the tattooed Bachelorette guy for the rest of your life.

Kasey gives Ali some Sour Patch Kids, which are her favorite candy. She’s glad he made a sweet, not over the top gesture. Just when he’s about to shatter that notion by showing her his tattoo, Frank interrupts.

Rose Ceremony: 9 Bachelors Remain
Chris L. (1-1 Date Rose)
Kirk
Frank
Craig R.
Chris N. …trust me, I am just as confused as you.
Roberto
Justin
Ty
Kasey

Next week…
Ali and the guys travel to Iceland, pre-volcano eruption. Kirk gets an individual date. Kasey is pressured to show Ali his tattoo. He may or may not have a breakdown. So dramatic!

The Bachelorette 6-7-10

2010-06-10T07:54:00.002-04:00

Host Chris tells the guys that there will be one group date this week and two individual dates. Chris offers up some advice: Not everyone will get a date, so whenever you have time to spend with Ali, use it wisely. Who knew Chris was psychic? Rated-R Justin, it seems, is going to take Chris’ words to heart…

Roberto’s One-On-One
A helicopter picks up Ali and Roberto for their date. If Ali is so scared of flying, then why is she is a helicopter or plane in every episode? Luckily she has manly, protective Roberto and her Chuck Taylors to keep her safe. Ali tells Roberto that they’re having a roof-top dinner, however the dinner is on the next roof and the only way to get there is by walking across pencil-thin wires. Whoopee…not.

Back at the house…
The guys are grilling some burgers. Steve laments that he hopes he gets a date this week. Cloudy-With-A-Chance-Of-Jonathan is wearing stupid white sunglasses. Rated-R Justin worries that his cast will become a hindrance. You are so wrong my man.

Ali thinks that walking across wires is a metaphor for the challenges you face in a relationship. Also, seeing how someone handles a stressful event shows you what type of person someone is. Halfway across the rope, Roberto stops Ali and pulls her in for a kiss. Twenty stories in the air on wires is not the time or place for a kiss. Roberto tells Ali he hopes to watch a lot more sunsets with her in the future.

Commercial Break…
LOLz to the dating tips from Toy Story 3’s Ken. He says “solid” a lot. I think this particular Ken is the jungle safari one because he’s wearing a light-blue ascot and an animal print top.

Back at the house…
Another date card arrives. Kirk, John C., Chris N., Frank, Jonathan, Craig R., Justin, Jesse and Chris L. get to go on a group date with Ali. She wants them to rock her world.

Ali and Roberto have since changed into more formal clothing. Roberto is fluent in Spanish, but can also speak a little French and Italian. He’s a cultured man but Ali thinks that he’s so good-looking that maybe she’s not good-looking enough for him. Oh please… Ali and Roberto move to the ground to partake in some cuddling, because that’s also a metaphor for whether or not someone will be a good mate. Roberto passes Relationship Metaphors 101 and gets the date rose.

Group Date
The guys pull up to a sketchy looking warehouse. Chris L. is wearing his periodic table of elements t-shirt which I find awesome. Ali has a surprise for the guys, the Barenaked Ladies, who promptly start playing their only hit, which I cannot remember the name of. Ali and the guys are going to help the band shoot their new music video for their new song “You Run Away.”

The guys get their scripts, in which every one is a kissing scene. Sounds like a good way to spread diseases to me.

Ali and Frank shoot the first scene in which Frank puts the moves on Ali and she smacks him for real…a lot. John C. is the only one who doesn’t have physical contact with Ali. Cloudy-With-A-Chance-Of-Jonathan is shaking like a leaf and tells Ali that if she feels uncomfortable kissing him then to let him know. I felt uncomfortable watching this. Jonathan starts crying so she comforted him by giving him a passionate kiss. Yeesh, that was awkward. During Kirk and Ali’s scene the director yells ‘cut’ a couple of times and Ali and Kirk keep on kissing. All the guys leave, except Frank, who feels that something is amiss.

Ali takes the guys to a wrap-party for the video shoot. Ali pulls Chris L. aside for some alone time. Ali asks Chris about his tattoo, which is his mom’s signature. He finally tells Ali that his mom passed away.

I’m changing Jonathan’s name to Nervous Ninny Jonathan. He dwells too much on unimportant things. He asks Ali if she wants to go someplace more private for a real kiss. Creepy.

Back at the house…
The guys speculate on who will get a rose. Another date card arrives. Hunter gets an individual date leaving Kasey, Ty and Steve with no date this week.

Ali and Kirk head to the hot tub. A hot tub on a date? Shocking. Kirk was so engulfed in the kiss he and Ali shared during the music video that he wants to make sure she felt the same. Ali doesn’t really answer Kirk but they start kissing so I’m taking that to mean that she felt the same way. Kirk gets the date rose.

Ali surprises the guys with the finished music video, which features a lot of Ali running away…from guys. Oh the irony.

Rated-R Justin’s Mission: Impossible.
Justin decides that he’s going to sneak out of the mansion and find Ali. He hobbles down the side of the highway to Ali’s house. He’s willing to do anything to get a rose and/or be the last the guy standing. Ali is giving an interview about why she picked Hunter for a date when Justin comes around the corner. Ali is turned on by the fact that Justin hobbled a couple miles to come see her. Justin brought some family photos to share with Ali.

Hunter’s One-On-One
Hunter notices that his individual date is starting later than the others. Hmmm, I wonder why?

Side note: Did anyone else catch how inebriated Craig R. was? He was staggering and holding a bottle of liquor. LOLz.

Ali picks up Hunter and takes him to her house. They put on aprons and starting cooking dinner. Apparently dinner for them is about 12 hotdogs and hamburgers. Hunter says that he’d be okay being a stay-at-home dad. Aw. And then the awkwardness starts…Ali and Hunter get into the hot tub and there are multiple silences which is never a good sign.

Back at the house…
Rated-R Justin speculates that Hunter won’t get a rose. He also spews some nonsense about quitting wrestling for a family. Kasey doesn’t buy into it. Neither do the rest of us with a brain, Kasey.

Ali and Hunter start a fire and make s’mores. Hunter explains that he’s a slow mover. Ali explains to Hunter the reason she asked him on the date and then she attempts to let him down gently. He does not get the date rose.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Justin feels confident that he’s not going anywhere this week. Ali tells the guys that letting Hunter go was hard but she didn’t see her husband when she looked at him.

Chris L. tells Ali that he has a craving for some seafood. They then talk about how wicked awesome they are at flip-cup. Chris says ‘yard’ like ‘yahd’ which I find cute.

Ali equates Justin hobbling all the way from the mansion to her house as that he’d be a great husband and do anything for her. She then compares Justin’s situation with the guys to Vienna’s situation with the girls on Jake’s season. I’d prefer not to think about Jake’s season.

Ali tells Steve that she can always be won over with some champagne. Oh really? Steve can’t figure out how to open the bottle. Stop being such a girl, Steve!

Ty stands on his soapbox and says that they guys see one thing with Justin and Ali sees another. Justin creeps behind them and asks who they’re talking about. Justin is perplexed because he’s never had trouble making friends. And then he gets enraged and rips off his shirt and body slams Ty into the ground…Ok, not really but that scenario played in my head and was much more interesting than what actually happened.

Ali asks Roberto is he knows that Justin came to see her. Roberto says that no one knew that he did that. Ali hopes that that revelation won’t create more trouble for Justin. Think again Ali.

Ty and Kasey confront Justin about the news.
Justin: Well, Chris Harrison said that we have to take every opportunity we have to spend time with Ali.
Me: He didn’t mean literally, you moron! Harrison gets paid to say those things!
Justin brings out the man-tears. The guys figure out why Hunter’s date started so late. Justin is off having some alone time with himself to cry silently. Roberto says that he’ll be disappointed (in Ali) if good guys go home and Justin stays. Prepare to be disappointed Roberto.

Rose Ceremony: 11 Bachelors Remain
Roberto (1-1 Rose)
Kirk (Group Date Rose)
Chris L.
Jesse
Chris N.
Ty
Kasey
Craig R.
Frank
Jonathan…he is so weird, I just can’t even handle it anymore.
Justin

Next week…
Ali and the guys head to New York City. Ali’s favorite singer, Joshua Radin, serenades Ali and one bachelor. A group date takes place at a production of the Lion King where one lucky bachelor and Ali get to partake in the show. Kasey goes off the deep end.

Lolz to Chris L. chasing the mouse around the mansion. He so cute.

The Bachelorette 5-31-10

2010-06-01T07:56:00.004-04:00

"You can't be serious with someone who's shorter than you."

Chris Harrison calls the remaining bachelors to attention in the mansion living room. There will be two individual dates and one group date. Mood killer: not everyone is going to get a date this week. Also a mood killer: if you have a one-on-one date and you don’t receive a rose, you’re going home. But let’s be honest, it’s pretty much Season 20 of this franchise, so everyone should know how this all works by now.

Frank’s One-On-One
Reid-imposter, Frank, receives the first one-on-one date. Ali thinks Frank seems like a fun guy but isn’t sure she’ll have a love connection with him. Ali picks up Frank in a teal-blue, vintage convertible. Just when Frank says that nothing can go wrong on this date, the car breaks down. HA, you can’t write that stuff! Ali and Frank promptly exit the car and start running down the highway. Uh, in LA, really? I’ve been to LA. Those people drive, like, 90 miles an hour down the freeway. Ali and Frank eventually jump into a cab and start their date on Hollywood Boulevard. Tourists and passersby’s ask Ali for autographs and pictures, which leaves Frank the duty of being the picture taker. Sounds fun….

Back at the house…
Rated-R Justin and Craig R. are having words. Justin says he isn’t here to make friends but he thinks all the guys are super! Craig R. says he thinks Justin is super too, but he doesn’t feel that Justin is here for Ali. Craig R. is still stuck on the fact that Justin is a “pro” wrestler. Dude, we all know Justin is a skeeze…leave it be. All will be revealed in due time.

Ali and Frank exit the cab on a mountainside and do a little hiking before making it to their destination, the Hollywood sign. Get it? All signs point to love? Signs…haha…not. How mad would you be if you were taking pictures of the Hollywood sign that day and got two people blocking part of the sign? Frank again tells Ali that he quit his job to follow his screenwriting dream to Paris. He lived there for a month or two and then moved back home and now manages a retail store while continuing to write. Ali likes that he followed his dream and that somehow evolves into how she sometimes forgets how important love and family are, but they share that in common. Following me? I didn’t think so. Frank and Ali share this season’s first kiss.

It’s a miracle! The car is fixed! Ali takes Frank to a remote area to do what the old timers would call ‘parking’. I believe this remote area is called ‘Lovers Lane’ or some variation. Frank is four things that Ali wants: Funny, Smart, Quirky and Unique…wait, aren’t quirky and unique the same thing?

Back at the house…
Another date card arrives at the mansion. This one is for a group date for: Jonathan, Ty, Chris H., Kirk, Hunter, Tyler, Steve, Craig R., Chris N., Casey, Craig M..Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan is not happy about having to hang out with Craig M., who starts some beef with Jesse and his tattoos. Chris L. and Roberto live in a drama free bubble so they steer clear of the altercation.

After one date, Ali is crazy about Frank. She tells the camera that she’s going to let all the guys know where they stand with her and not pretend to like them too much for fear that they’ll leave her. Frank gets the date rose. WTH is up with the piano bar music playing during the kissing scenes? I half-expected to see Ali and Frank start waltzing like the old folks do at the old folks dance.

Group-Date
Ali takes her 12 men to a beach house in Malibu. Watching Rated-R Justin hobble down the massive staircase was semi-hilarious. Ali tells the guys that they’re going to be doing a photo shoot on the beach. But this is no ordinary photo shoot, oh no, it’s a sexy man calendar shoot. The guys get banana hammocks to wear as their outfits. HA. Tyler worries he’s going to be on someone’s wall at some point. Sorry, Tyler, not on my wall you ain’t. Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan is not happy with his bathing suit. He then commiserates that he doesn’t have, uh, enough junk to fill out the suit. Oye…

Craig M. enjoyed those blue pants and that sweater tied around his neck entirely too much.

Wait, I just heard, “Get your telescope erect.” Oh my word…

Ty plays Ali a song during their shoot. Craig R. wonders what it is with The Bachelorette and guitar players. HA. “They say love, it don’t come eeeeaaaassssyyyy..”

Friend: “You are soo going to get the calendar aren’t you?”
Me: “Yeah if I were a gay male. Banana hammocks make me uncomfortable.”

OMG, it really does exist! $25 for semi-attractive males in speedos? Really?

Ali takes the guys to hang out after the photo shoot. Ali assure them that the calendar shoot was for a good cause and that they all looked really hot. Um, okay, and what cause are these going too?

Ty tells Ali he was married before and she gets the shocked, bug-eyed look. He was married for a little over two years but the divorce was amicable. Wait, so how long has he been divorced, like 3 months? Uhh, ookay?

Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan is always going on and on about Craig M. He calls Craig M. a “Category 6 A-hole.” Oh Jonathan, you and you’re weather jokes are golden. He proceeds to tell Ali that he feels that Craig M. is a dangerous person that is always looking for a fight. But he doesn’t want to be a snitch or anything.. Wow, he just said “jerkoff” which I’m pretty sure no one has said since 1994.

Back at the house…
Another date card arrives that says, “Use these when the time is right.” A box of cufflinks with the initials “JB” are passed around. Jesse gets the final one-on-one date, leaving Roberto, Chris L., and John C. with no date this week.

Rated-R Justin has to humorously hobble down more stairs to get some alone time with Ali. She really really, no really, likes him. The soul patch does nothing for me.

Ali gives Ty the date rose. Rated-R Justin called Ty fake…hello pot, meet kettle.

Jesse’s One-On-One
Ali tells Jesse that they’re going to Vegas for their date. They take a private jet, which terrifies Ali since she has a fear of flying. Ali looked like she was going to pass out or barf. They hop into a bright red Ferrari after exiting the plane and make their way to Vegas. Wait, why is Ali doing all the driving? I’m all for female empowerment, but really, when you’re on a date the guy should drive. Call me old-fashioned.

Ali busts out some aphrodisiac oysters, to which Jesse tells her that they taste like poo. So much for that…

Jesse looks a touch like Michael Phelps in his suit. He and Ali hang out in a suite at the hotel Aria.

Back at the house…
The guys speculate about whether or not Jesse will be returning. Craig M. comes in the room donning cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan’s jacket and his pajama pants rolled up into shorty-shorts. Don’t even get me started on the pit stains…fake or not, they were gross.

Ali isn’t sure whether or not she and Jesse have a romantic connection, but she gives him the date rose anyway because she wants to get to know him more. She has one more surprise in store for Jesses’s date. Jamie Cullum appears to serenade them.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Ali enters wearing a nightie. At least, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t pass as a dress at a normal party.

Chris L. gets some alone time with Ali since he hadn’t gotten a date earlier in the week. He and Ali both say “wicked” a lot. Chris is the oldest of three brothers. He wants Ali to come hang out at the Cape. Cape Cod, that is. Oh, and he had butterflies and was melting. Aw, I’ll take him if Ali passes.

Now it’s Roberto’s turn. I’m pretty sure Ali wasn’t listening to a thing Roberto was saying because she was too busy undressing him in her mind. Roberto was a baseball player who was drafted by the Twins and the Rockies, but I’m pretty sure he never actually played ball for either team. He and Ali play catch. Aw, cute.

Kasey gets all of two seconds with Ali before Frank, who already has a rose, interrupts. Boys, if you already have a rose, let those who don’t have their time first. It’s only proper.

Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan and Craig M. are fighting again.

Here’s the summary of Jonathan’s alone time with Ali…
Jonathan: I mean, do you wanna know? Waaa, Craig M., waaaa
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

During Craig M.’s alone time with Ali, she turns into a body language expert and summarizes that he’s not interested in her. She also asks why someone would say that he’s ‘dangerous.’ He tiptoes around all questions but theorizes that Jonathan is the one who ratted him out. Thus, he pulls all the guys together to get to the bottom of it. He calls out Jonathan who develops a stutter. Please, if there is a God in Heaven, either Craig M., Jonathan or both will be sent packing tonight. I can’t listen to it anymore.

Rose Ceremony: 14 Bachelors remain
Frank (one-on-one date rose)
Ty (group date rose)
Jesse (one-on-one date rose)
Kasey
Hunter
Roberto…don’t call my name, don’t call my name…oh, sorry. Gaga interlude.
Chris L.
Justin
Steve
Kirk
John C.
Craig R.
Chris N.
Jonathan

Well, at least we don’t have to hear about Craig M. anymore…I hope.

Club-o-Tool
So, I’m going to start a new segment after each show is over. It’s called “Club-o-Tool.” Basically, whomever I deem the most Tool-worthy for the week will get named here. Fun right? I think so. This week, Club-o-Tool has admitted: Craig M. and Cloudy-with-a-chance-of-Jonathan. I think this is self-explanatory. Craig R. and Rated-R Justin were in line, but just missed the velvet rope by a hair. Don’t worry boys, there’s always next week.

Speaking of next week…
The Barenaked Ladies use Ali and her bachelors for their video shoot. Wait, they’re still around and relevant? Roberto has a one-on-one date with Ali. Justin hobbles downs the highway to see Ali which angers the rest of the men.

Oh, blog will be up late next week due to the fact that I won't be in town to watch the show on Monday. Look for the blog to be up and running by mid-day on Thursday.

The Bacherlorette 5-24-10

2010-05-25T08:15:00.008-04:00

Hot Sauce Dance or Reservoir of Energy

In case you can’t recall what had transpired the last time we saw our Bachelorette, let the soothing voice of our host, Chris Harrison remind you. Ali was a bachelorette vying for Jake Pavelka’s affections on the last season of The Bachelor. As you know, Ali had to choose between a chance at love with Jake and risk losing her job or say goodbye to Jake forever and return to work. Sounds just like the plot of a romance movie, right? Wrong! It was real life people! Well, as real as one’s love life can be according to the fantasy bubble of a television show. As the story goes, Ali chose her job at Facebook over Jake. Hey, in this economy who can blame her? Once returning to the real world, Ali realizes her mistake only to be rejected by Jake in return. Aw, sads.

Now, this once career-minded gal has decided to put her job on the backburner of life and let finding love be priority numero uno. I mean, having a job and a place to live is, like, so six months ago. Now, unemployed and homeless, it’s Ali’s turn to call the shots and tonight she’ll get to have her pick of 25 eligible boys…er, men. Let’s just say that I really hope that paycheck ABC gives her is worth it. I’m talking, like, multiple 0’s worth it.

Let’s get to know some of our bachelors, shall we?
-Chicago-based Frank is kind of like a nerdier version of Reid from Jillian's season. His ABC publicity shot does him no justice.
-Lawyer Jay…not digging the Hugh Jackman knock-off hair.
-Craig M. thinks he’s a ladies man. Um, no.
-Outdoorsman Kyle needs a woman because he lives in Colorado where all there exists is ice fishing, hunting and trees. PETA would not approve. He kind of looks like JT from Survivor, only not quite as adorable.
-Rated-R Justin is a “pro” wrestler. *cough Tool…
-Phil is training for a triathlon. Seems like a nice guy.
-Jonathan is a weatherman. I feel like he’s little enough to fit in my pocket. I have issues with short guys. They’re always kind of jerk-ish.
-Ty is a good ol’ boy who is a divorcee. We all know I have a weakness for musicians.
-Chris L. is a former math teacher who moved home to take care of his sick mother.
-Flashes of latin-lover Roberto, Tyler doing a quick ab workout and Derrick fluffing his hair.

I like how Chris Harrison says, “If all goes well…” It’s like he knows of impending doom.

So, if Ali doesn’t find someone on the show she has no man, no job and no place to live. Sounds like a good, well thought out plan to me!

Time to meet the men!
-Chris H.: He kind of looks like Richard from DeAnna’s season.
-Jesse: He’s a peculiar man from a city of the same name…or something.
-Chris L.: Being that he’s from Massachusetts, he is a Red Sox fan. Ali likes his energy.
-Ty: Anyone else think he sounds like Forest Gump? Kinda?
-Frank: Jumps out of the sun roof of the limo. He thinks Ali will most likely marry him. We’ll see.
-Justin: On crutches. I see how he plays the wounded dog. Going for some sympathy. Mmhmm.
-Jay: I cannot get over his hair.
-Chris N.: Wants to be the first to give Ali a rose. Corny.
-Kasey: The sentimental, sweet guy this season. Could be a borderline Stage 1 Clinger.
-Kyle: Please tell me he did not just do the fish, bait, hook dance move thing? Oh my word.
-Roberto: Yep, definitely got the latin lover thing going on. Ali thinks he’s sexy.
-Craig M.: He’s happy Ali isn’t DeAnna, ohh burn. He’s going to make my gag-reflex act up or make me want to shower.
-John N.: Hoping he’s the one John she wants to keep around. Doubtful.
-Tyler V.: He’s happy Ali isn’t off flying around in Jake’s airplane somewhere.
-John C.: Gives Ali a cubic zirconium ring in exchange for some alone time. Sounds like a good deal to me…not.
-Jonathan: I shall call him Cloudy-With-A-Chance-Of-Jonathan. Because he’s a weatherman, get it? HA. I am so funny.
-Craig R.: He wants to work through his nerves with Ali. Sounds dirty.
-Steve: He’s shocked Ali isn’t wearing yellow. Ha.
-Kirk: He made Ali a paper rose. Corny, but he’s cute so he gets a courteous ‘aw’.
-Tyler M.: Thought Ali was wearing cowboy boots when she first met Jake. On what planet? Was he actually watching Jake’s season? What guy admits to that on tv?
-Hunter: Planned something humorous to say but was made speechless by Ali’s beauty. He also really has to pee.
-Derek: Catch a falling leaf and put in it in your pocket, never let it fade away..
-Phil: He knows that Ali’s name is Ali.
-Derrick: Calls himself ‘Shooter’. He didn’t even give Ali his real name. What a nerd.
-Jason: Does a back flip off the top of the limo. Harrison is all ‘for realz?’

Chris L. thinks it’d be a good life to have Ali to wake up to every day. Aw.

Roberto thinks Ali looks super fly. Really? People still say that?

Frank pulls Ali away for some alone time. Frank didn’t love his job so he quit and moved to Paris to write screen plays.

Kirk just said macramé. He made Ali a scrapbook. Epic win.

Kasey’s definitely a mama’s boy.

Hunter plays the ukulele. He should not give up his day job, even though the song rhymed and it was slightly amusing.

Derrick comes clean about why he’s called Shooter. This one time, in college, he may have prematurely ejaculated once. OMG, no he didn’t just tell Ali that… There’s a reason the phrase ‘some things are better left unsaid’ exists. And on national tv. Oh my stars.

Cloudy-With-A-Chance-Of-Jonathan talked off Ali’s ear and didn’t let Craig get a word in edgewise. The nerve!

Chris Harrison comes in with the First Impression Rose and tells Ali to divvy it out when she’s good and ready. Roberto thinks this is the perfect time to steal Ali away for some alone time. He just moved from Tampa to Charleston to open his own business. He teaches Ali some salsa dance moves. Ali is totally lusting after Roberto.

Chris L. gets points for giving Ali his coat. Chris’s mother passed away two years ago but he tells Ali that his parents are still together. We’ll see how that ends up playing out.

Kyle gives Ali a gold fish hook, like the ones you wear on the bill of a ballcap. Uh, awesome?

Rated-R Justin broke his ankle doing some sweet wrestling moves. He is wearing one of his t-shirts under his shirt. He also just called the other guys ‘jabronis’. Oh goodness. Justin, henceforth, shall be branded as ‘the one not here for the right reasons.’

Craig R. warns Ali that some guys may not be here for her. He also gives her a yellow hi-top keychain. Hey, I remember those! I had a pink one attached to my back pack in grade school. Ah, memories.

Harrison dampens the mood by bringing out the box-o-hatred. He instructs the men to write down the name of a guy or four that may not be here for the right reasons. I think I know who’s going to get the most votes! Nanner nanner.

Jesse is a creative guy so he made her one of those “BFF” heart necklaces out of wood.

HA, someone just said Craig M. is wearing a toupee.

Ali likes Ty’s accent. I still think he kind of sounds like Forest Gump.

Ali is giving the First Impression Rose to the guy that she feels like she could end up with right off the bat. That guy is Roberto. He seems like a sweet guy. I’m sorry I branded you with the latin lover card. I am ashamed.

Harrison has tallied the votes. The tribe has spoken. Oh, wait, that’s the wrong show. Apparently one guys received an overwhelming number of votes. Ali can take some time and talk to this guy and then choose to either keep him or send him home. Rated-R Justin got the most votes. Shocked? Anyone? Ali talks to Justin and decides to keep him. Again, anyone shocked? The happiness in that room was palpable.

Now it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. Our 17 remaining bachelors are:
Roberto (First Impression Rose)
Justin (Box-o-Hatred Rose)
Jesse
Ty
Craig R.
Tyler V.
Frank
Steve
Chris L.
Kirk
John C.
Chris N.
Chris H.
Hunter
Craig M.
Jonathan
Kasey

Both Craigs’ and all three Chris’ are alive and kickin! Nickname suggestions are welcome. Shooter got sent packing. I wonder why...

Get your waterproof mascara and your globe-trotting shoes ready kiddos, because we’re off on an around the world journey! Woo! If tonight is any indication, this season is going to be the.most.dramatic.ever. For real this time though.

As always, our host Chris Harrison, will be blogging about each episode. Find his blog on EW.com.

Idol Update/Bachelorette Prelims

2010-05-24T11:12:00.011-04:00

As you probably have guessed, I gave up on Idol. Haha, sorry. I'm just so over it at this point, I can't muster up some snark to put a blog together. I think Idol needs a couple years off to re-group and then we'll talk. Seasons 7 and 8 were so good, it's really no wonder this season can't measure up. But, in case you're wondering, I'm Team Lee for the win.

Good news: I am blogging The Bachelorette this summer. Hooray! From everything I've heard and read it's going to be a juicy, scandalous season. My promise to you, this season, is to not put any spoilers out there. I'll leave those to Reality Steve. You can find his site link here on the blog if you're so inclined. Plus, there are 3 Chris', 2 Craigs', Derek/Derrick, 2 Johns'/a Jonathan, and 2 Tylers'/and a Ty...Whew, I'll have to come up with nicknames if they all survive past night one.

Here are my early favorites:

Chris L.
I shall call him "Periodic Table Chris" because of his shirt in this picture. I like him for the simple fact that he is wearing this shirt. Nothing screams 'geek' like the periodic table of elements. I have a fondness for nerds, being one myself as I blog about things like this show, so there you go..

Kirk

Kasey

I'm not normally attracted to redheads, but being part ginger (I've got Irish ancestors and natural, pure red strands of hair on my head to prove it) myself I guess I can't ignore how cute both Kirk and Kasey are. Plus, they (along with Chris L.) don't look like they'd be douchebags/tools, of which I am not a fan.

Speaking of tools...

Justin
I promised not to put spoilers, so you'll just have to trust me. I'm talking epic-tool status here. I mean, he does call himself "Rated-R" for pete's sake. Plus, he looks like he might appear on the next cast of Jersey Shore. GTL people...GTL.

Derrick
He calls himself "Shooter." In my opinion, that's enough to be considered a tool.

Craig M.
I dont' know, persay, if he's an actual tool, but really ABC? This was the best group of guys you could find for Ali? I'm sorry, maybe he's a nice person...but just no.

There's someone else I could add to the Hall-O-Tools, but for the sake of not giving out any spoilers, I won't do that yet. I'll wait until after the fact, because I'm nice.

Ok, so there's your warm-up for the new season of The Bachelorette. Its 2-hour premier airs tonight on ABC at 9pmEST. I'll try to have all the recaps up on Tuesdays afternoons at latest.

AI S9: Top 6 Performance

2010-04-28T10:01:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I know I slacked off last week, but there's nothing I could do that would make Inspirational Week and Idol Gives Back amusing. And I mean really, how long was Idol Gives Back. I only watched half anyway so I missed Tim Urban getting his long overdue walking papers.

Idol Gives Back has raised over 45 million dollars. I don't want to hear any more complaints about being in a recession people!

Shania Twain is this week's mentor and the Idol contestants will being singing from her songbook. I would now like to take this moment to totally girl-crush on Shania. She is my favorite female singer of all time. I have all her albums and I've been to her concerts. She is pretty much bad-ass in my book. And I really think she needs to put out some new music..

Lee DeWyze: You're Still the One
The arrangement was kind of out of whack, but eventually Lee found his groove with the song. Overall, not his best, but one of the best of the night in my opinion. He's so cute, I want to stick him in my pocket and carry him around.

Blake Lewis was sitting right behind Randy Jackson. I know this because his skunk hair is impossible to miss.

Michael 'Big Mike' Lynche: It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
I loved this. Simon, of course, hated it and called it 'wet' and 'girly'. The one problem with Big Mike is that he does a good job connecting to songs and sings them well, but I don't really see where he can go from here so I think he might be in trouble this week.

Casey James: Don't
Kind blah for me. I personally don't get why every thinks he's so good. Although I am jealous of his lucious head of hair.

Crystal Bowersox: No One Needs to Know
Even when Crystal has an off week, she's still decent. She dedicates this to her boyfriend. Not so subtle. Crystal wants a ring on it.

Aaron Kelly: You Got A Way
I have many problems with this performance, other than the fact that Aaron has done ballads every week except one. First of all, he dedicated the song to his mother. Uh no, Aaron. Remember when Jared something-or-other in Season 7 dedicated Let's Get It On to his parents? You just don't do that with songs that talk about having sex. It's creepy and weird. Second, Aaron changed the lyric that says "It's in the way we make love" to "It's in the way you show me love" or something to that effect. I saw that coming when I heard he was singing this song, but it doesn't even fit or make sense. Why choose the song if you're just going to change the lyrics and thus the meaning on the song? The song was fine the way it was. Oy vey.

Siobahn Magnus: Any Man of Mine
I can't even discuss this performance, it makes me so angry. She totally murdered my favorite Shania song. And then the judges tell her it's the best thing since sliced bread. I don't know what in the world they heard that I didn't. I can't continue any further for it makes me upset.

Let's see...the Bottom 3 SHOULD be: Crystal, Aaron and Siobahn. However, I predict the Bottom 3 WILL be: Aaron, Big Mike and Lee (for a shocker)

Going home SHOULD be: Aaron
Going home WILL be: Big Mike, unfortunately.

Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum, Sons of Sylvia and Shakira all are set to perform on the results show. Yes, I'm confused on how Shakira fits in the country theme also.

Seafoamcrest, out!

AI S9: Top 9 Results Redux

2010-04-16T13:36:00.003-04:00

I didn't watch Idol this week....I know, I'm ashamed too.

Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens were sent packing. Shocked? Me either. Although I thought Aaron Kelly was worse than Katie this week. I blame Billy Gilman lovers.

Brooke White and Justin Gaston performed an Elvis song. Yeah, I'm not sure why they were paired together either. I love seeing Brooke again and I guess Miley's ex is starring in a web series called the "If I Can Dream House" or something. I think Justin was secretly auditioning for the role of Gaston in Beauty and the Beast with those boots.

Adam Lambert performed his current single Whatdya Want From Me. It had 3D lasers. Woo!

Next week is Idol Gives Back.