Save a Bachelor, ride a horse?
I'm all for cougars, but this is ridiculous.
Remember when Ben F. made it all the way to the final rose ceremony to propose to Ashley Hebert only to have her reject him in favor of JP? Remember when she tried to tell him how great he is and he shot her down and all but told her to shut her mouth? Remember how he was so pissed that you wished he would have chucked the Neil Lane engagement ring in the ocean? Oh, was that only me? Well, I still think it would have been awesome.
Anywho, Ben F. has dropped the last name initial and is our new Bachelor! Now he gets his own brood of crazies to pick a short-term fiancee, er wife, from. I hope his Greek brother from another mother, Constantine, makes an appearance this season. #truebrolove
I like that Ben isn't the typical "beefcake hunk" Bachelor. He's got longer hair, he's not overly muscular, and he's kind of nerdy. Oh, did I mention he also drive tractors and plays piano? #hot Not to mention he co-owns a winery. Sign me up. What's that? He's probably engaged you say? Michael Stagliano is still single right? He's also what we would call a Renaissance Man. I do love me some Stag. But I digress...
Now let's get an in-depth look at some of the ladies competing for Ben's heart.
-Lindzi likes horses. She also got broken up with through a text message that read, "Babe, welcome to dumpsville...Population: You." Wow, really? Who does that? What a douche.
-Amber T. is straight up country. She shoots skeet, practices shooting deer with arrows, and eats cow balls. Basically, she's too much woman for Ben.
-Kacie is an administrative assistant who was glad when Ashley dumped Ben because he is the kind of man she wants to date.
-Jamie is a nurse who had to raise her younger siblings. Such a sad story; I feel bad for her but you know she's a strong person because of it.
-Lyndsie is a Brit who's dad is a diplomat. She's been to lots of countries and can speak several languages. That or she's schizophrenic. She has an unfortunate case of butt-chin dimple.
-Nicki is the lone divorcee this season. However, she is totally ready to get married again and her mom is excited to visit her in California. Um, yep.
-Courtney is a model. She's used to competing with other women. My guess is that she'll be the first one to say she's not there to make friends.
-Jenna is a blogger with unfortunate roots. Oh, that's an "ombre" hairstyle you say? Um nope, still looks like out-grown roots to me. She overanalyzes her relationships and based on the previews, she goes crazy in the first episode. How exciting.
Don't mind me and my snappy judgements...
-Rachel: Her middle name is Rose.
-Erika: Law student. Ben is guilty of being sexy. See what she did there? Law humor. Ha ha. Not.
-Amber B.: Her last name is bacon. Her friends call her the Baconator. The whole conversation revolved around bacon. Too.Much.Bacon.
-Elyse: She's going to make Ben sweat. I bet.
-Jenna: I'm going to call her Jenna Ombre. Their conversation was awkward. She walks into the mansion saying she messed up. Let the overanalyzing begin.
-Courtney: She's a hair girl. Um, okay, that's one I've never heard before. I do like her shoes though.
-Emily: She's getting her PhD. She sanitizes Ben and shoots some mouthwash before kissing him. Germaphobe much? Well, I guess she does study disease transmission. I'd probably be a bit of a germaphobe too.
-Samantha: Wears her beauty queen sash. But there's totally more too her. If you say so.
-Casey S.: I don't remember anything about her interaction with Ben.
-Amber T.: Starts to go inside, walks around back to Ben and tells him that in case he doesn't believe in love at first sight, here is his second chance. Clever.
-Holly: Is she going to the Kentucky Derby with that hat?
-Jamie: Ben is loving the brunettes. Damn straight Benny boy. Brunette is where it's at.
-Shira: Knows everything about wine. J/K she just likes to drink wine. So funny. Not.
-Blakeley: Umm... My mom told me if I don't have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all.
-Sheryl/Brittney: Granny is here to introduce her granddaughter, Brittney, to Ben. Everyone's a sucker for a cute Granny.
-Nicki: Calls Ben precious.
-Dianna: Loses her train of thought. Bursts into nervous giggles.
-Jennifer: Rattles off a bunch of numbers that has to do with things about her. I don't like math so I tuned out.
-Lyndsie: Writes poems. I can't stop staring at her butt chin dimple.
-Anna: Walks right pass Ben and into the mansion all while giving him a coy smile. You think she was playing hard to get and mysterious? Lame.
-Monica: Misses her dog.
-Jaclyn: I've got nothing.
-Shawn: Wants to ride a unicycle with Ben. Not sure how that's going to work. Slugs Ben on the arm. How charming.
-Kacie: I love her dress.
-Lindzi: Forgoes the limo and opts to ride a horse up to meet Ben. Ben thinks they've saved the best for last.
Inside the mansion, the girls all gush about how cute/sexy, ect. Ben is. Granny wishes she was 30 years younger. Wait, why is Granny still there?
Now the one-on-one times start.
Rachel left her job to do the show. Smart move.
Lindzi once used store-bought grapes to make wine. It didn't work so well. She's one of my favorites so far.
Granny takes over the time with Ben. Poor Brittney is doomed. Granny starts to cry in the limo talking about her granddaughter. I can't take it. My heart is melting.
Chris Harrison brings the mood down a couple notches when he introduces the First Impression Rose.
Shawn Soccer takes Ben outside to pass a ball around because Samantha Sash and Holly Hat are too much competition for her. Hey, her nicknames, not mine.
Dianna blindfolds Ben and feeds him candy. Emily raps about infectious diseases. They are practically writing my blog for me. This is too easy.
Courtney is a model, in case you didn't hear her the first time. Did you also know that she likes Ben's hair? She is not one of my favorites so far.
Monica isn't feeling it with Ben. This freaks Jenna Ombre out. Monica may or may not be into Blakeley. Jenna Ombre now goes into hyperventilation mode. Rachel tries to mediate the Monica/Jenna situation. I think they're both a little cray cray.
Ben hands out the First Impression Rose. It goes to Lindzi.
At this point, Jenna Ombre is still wallowing in her sorrow in the bathroom. My mom calls me and says, "Okay, seriously? Is that chick on drugs? What the hell."
Rose Ceremony
Rose-d: Lindzi (FIR), Jamie, Rachel, Blakeley, Emily, Kacie, Casey, Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki, Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, Monica, Jenna
Sent Home: Amber B., Amber T., Anna, Dianna, Holly, Lyndsie, Shira
After episode one, my favorites are Lindzi, Jamie, Emily, and Nicki. Who are some of your favorites?
Judging by the previews, this season is going to be crazy. But isn't it always?
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